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Crezki Science

2012-02-10T03:05:00.004+11:00

My Personal Interest in Science

My scientific interest tells the story of a gradual build up that still keeps growing. In my childhood years, Lego models with gears captured my interest – e.g. when a small steering spin resulted in a big crane to turn. In high school, I was fascinated with Mathematics and the Pure Sciences, mainly because of their approach that tends to simplify things into 1st principles, just like the Lego models.

Now in my medical course, Science continues to fascinate me with its consistent “explanatory power”, for example in the use of dopamine-increasing medication to treat patients with Parkinson’s disease. Their symptoms can be simplified into dopamine deficiency or dopamine excess – deficiency results in stiffness and slowed movement, while excess (from medication) results in unwanted movements and hallucinations. This model also neatly explains how dopamine-blocking medication can alleviate symptoms of schizophrenia (hallucinations) and can cause stiffness.

During research in 3rd year medicine, I enjoyed the scientific engagement with both my direct supervisor, who had clear and simple whiteboard sessions to teach me the laboratory techniques, and my overall supervisor, who skilfully co-ordinated multiple projects on neurodegenerative conditions. The presence of like-minded people around me sharpened my scientific aptitude, making me realise that there is so much more to discover in the natural world.

Why does this motivate me so much? It is because the scientific knowledge is eventually translated into good patient care – there is a human life benefitting from the discoveries of Science.

Submission for UROP: Undergraduate Research Opportunities Programme, 26 Sep 2011

How I answered my interview questions

2012-01-20T01:00:00.009+11:00

Or perhaps, how I would answer them now

What course are you applying for?
Medicine.
Where do you want to study?
Australia. I've got some relatives there, but I don't mind living in a different city.
Tell us about yourself and your family.
Well, my parents both grew up in a rural area, raised by farmer parents who perhaps had primary school education. They then moved out of the "kampung", pursued tertiary education and raised me as a person who values knowledge. That's how I started focussing on my studies in school and getting good results.
Why do you want to be a medical doctor?
I love a challenge. I think a medical course provides serious intellectual challenge. It also enables me to help suffering people in the process, so it's not just a blind challenge. In my secondary school, I learned the values of faith, service and community. I can see myself embodying these values as a medical doctor who stands in his faith, and provides service above himself to the community around him.
Situational question: You are in medical school, you have 3 assignments and 1 week to complete them. What will you do?
It will be a very busy week. First, I will focus on the most important assignment (giving the most marks). Gaming and social time will be cut down for this week. I might need to sleep less too. If I still can't finish all of them, then I'll consider asking for an extension [I remember actually saying this].
Tell us about your co-curricular activities.
I was in Taekwondo and Boy Scouts. I also like singing, playing guitar, and playing chess. I also joined the Science Quiz team and the Debating team.
Do you have any questions for us?
Do I have to pay the education loan in full once I'm done studying?
Can I work overseas for a while before returning home?
[My impression was, you should ask questions to show them your interest]

The MARA Interview

2012-01-18T17:58:00.004+11:00

When my life course changed

Adapted from ReCom.

A few days before interview [on Fri, 6 May 2005]. Thanks to mediator and bittersweetheart.

For MARA interview:

No group interview (unlike JPA).
No specific group debate/discussion on a current social/economic issue. May have a general question on a social issue.
Find info related to the course; e.g. Minister of Health Malaysia
Prepare to answer honestly why MARA instead of JPA, why overseas/local, why Medicine. May need to unveil some personal life principles.
Be myself.
Relax! Just have a healthy, but not excessive dose of anxiety.

My personal thought: JPA and MARA interviews are very different in terms of time, place, format, and process (MARA questions were also scarcer on ReCom).

On the day of interview:

Just went to MARA in Kota Kinabalu.

Each applicant is interviewed by 2-3 panel members.

I applied for Medicine; 7/38 Sabahan applicants went for this course (18%). Others applied for TESL, Engineering, German Engineering.

Some of the questions:

What course are you applying for?
Where do you want to study?
Tell us about yourself and your family.
Why do you want to be a medical doctor?
Situational question: I am in medical school, I have 3 assignments and 1 week to complete them. What will I do?
Tell us about your co-curricular activities.
Do you have any questions for us?

It took 20-25 minutes.

In my next post, I'll tell you how I responded to those questions.

Meanwhile, let's contemplate God's unforeseen blessing in the form of ReCom - that forum revealed the questions way before the actual interview. Thank God for such a useful tool.

Road Trip

2012-01-18T16:34:00.006+11:00

What a manly thing to do

I've been hunting for manly things to do ever since picking up Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. In the book, he mentions the 3 deepest desires in every man:

to fight a battle
to rescue a Beauty
to live out an adventure

While I've needed to transform the first 2 into more practical metaphors - e.g. fighting a spiritual battle against immorality, injustice and laziness, and being chivalrous to all beauties until I find my own Beauty - the 3rd one is still attainable in its pure form. Like in a road trip.

Armed with only a tome of maps, driving for 2 hours straight and carrying 3 other lives in the vehicle definitely feels like a manly thing to do. The road on the Victorian South West is wide open, and even driving at the speed limit of 100 km/h won't get you to the end quickly enough. Wait, is there even an end?

Once, we decided to drive along a "45-minute road loop" around the mountains. The 2-way road was only wide enough for one car at a time. The road divided a few times. But signposts were rare. Worst, we didn't see any mountains. The thought that we were lost haunted me as the man behind the wheel. The question was: Where are you on the map, and how on earth do you go around the planned loop? It was getting dark, and as a local resident said, "You really don't want to leave your car around this time; there's too much wildlife." That, is adventure. And it feels manly.

Back at the lodge that night, it started to get cold. The fireplace near the corner inside the cottage seemed eager to be utilised. I summoned my masculinity, collected some firewood from outside, threw them into the fireplace and lit the flame. Soon the entire house was warmed up. The fact that the wood were neatly supplied in a box, all chopped and ready to go probably made the job so much easier. But it was still a very manly thing to do.

I must thank my housemate for this rare opportunity to explore the wild outdoors. And also the wild heart in me.

Sudden healing

2011-10-16T21:55:00.004+11:00

Wed 05.10.11

Fever, tiredness, aches and pains

I’m not sure when the symptoms started. It was probably around 11am this morning, when I was in placement. I felt cold, weak and my muscles were slightly aching with a severity of 1/10. Everything gradually worsened. In the afternoon, my ear temperature was between 37.9 to 38.3°C (normal is lower than 37.5). My medical student friend was interviewing me like a patient. A nurse asked if I wanted some Panadol but I stayed away from it.

I wondered if the cleaning and scaling I had earlier in the morning at the dentist’s had caused a transient bacteraemia – I started getting worried about sepsis and endocarditis.

Throughout the day, I was tired. In the train to the city (for prayer meet), I couldn’t read or focus; I could only drop my head down and rest. I was also silently praying all the while.

At 6pm during PlanetUni prayer, Yuong, Joyce, and Melissa felt my forehead and it was still warm. God was asking, do you want to be healed? I said yes, Jesus.

During the train ride back home I was still tired and weak, leaning my head against the window. I plugged my earphones to listen to Secret Place, our church album. Then the train officer had to wake me up to check my Myki. “Tired?” he asked. I said yes.

All the while I was thinking, if I’m as sick as this, I wouldn’t mind talking with Jesus all the time, either in words or in tongues. Because nothing else would matter. I was showering at 9.15pm, and I told God how this sickness had made me closer to Him this day. He showed me at least 2 mental pictures (which I’ll write about soon). I didn’t mind being sick if that meant greater intimacy with Him. I said, “This is who I am”. I was looking at the ceiling. Suddenly, the cold feeling went away in an instant, along with the tiredness, aches and pains (which by that time was quite bad, 5/10). Muscle aches dropped to 1/10 - it’s not 0 because of my workout yesterday. After showering, in excitement I asked my housemate to feel my forehead - it's not warm anymore! I still had a bit of headache (also 1/10) around my eyebrows, which I think is from my tooth cavity [which will be the next miracle].

Praise Jesus, through His bruises we get healed!

For You

2011-09-16T20:52:00.005+10:00

Hopefully what I write will be a pool of encouragement in future times as you reminisce your walk with your one and only God, Creski.

[A phrase came to me - One Lad's Walk with God]

All that I do,

I do it for You, God

Now I'm imagining it;

Wouldn't that be amazing?

That means that-

When I cook, it is for You

When I do the dishes, it is for You

When I sing, it is for none other than You

Jogging, it's for You

Lifting weights, it's for You

Incline push ups, it's for You

Studying - for You

Clerking patients - for You

Engaging during tutes - for You

Quiet times are for You

Exciting times are for You

Down times are for You

God, my all is for You

For You are The One who gave all to me in the first place

I trust in You with all my heart

And lean not on my own understanding

In all my ways, I acknowledge You

And I believe You will keep my path straight

Home

2011-06-01T01:31:00.003+10:00

What's good about being home

No rent. Bills are on my parents, not me. And I get pocket money :)
Bulih cakap Sabah. Everyday. Feels so 'at home' with this communication mode.
Get to be with old friends. Friends get older as friendships get older. And there's a difference between being with them and just talking or fb-ing with them.

And the things that are not so good:

slower pace of things - this happens everywhere, from organisational red tape to everyday conversations.
no deadline, resulting in things staying undone, videos unwatched, books unread, clothes unwashed, etc. I'm lazing around [no wonder people always remind me before holidays, "Don't slack"]
I being influenced by the patterns here, rather than influencing them to change for the better. Got to regain my positive morning habits.

More next time.
To be honest this is just to fill in a post for this month.

Two important questions

2011-04-23T00:13:00.006+10:00

Recently I read The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Their thesis is: Manage energy, not time.

Each person has 4 dimensions of energy: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

I learned that physically, we should work for at most 1-2 hours on a single stretch, otherwise we risk harming our physical capacity. Afternoon naps are a very fruitful investment - I try to get at least 30 minutes every day. In the words of Winston Churchill "You get 2 days in 1". I'm now a firm believer in that.

At the other end - the spiritual side - I learned the importance of asking 2 questions in every crucial situation. 1) What do I truly believe? 2) Who am I trying to please? They may not be set in stone, but it really matters that we become aware of the answers. Then we'll be more equipped to assess our situation, the choices available, and our response.

Next time I'll illustrate with an example.

Picture:
Summer sunset sky shot at Docklands.

My nest

2011-04-04T22:15:00.002+10:00

Welcome

Next time, when we're in heaven, watching a playback of our life on earth, you'll notice quite a bulk of my time spent in this nest.

To beat that Internet speed: speedtest.net

Class at Night

2011-02-17T12:22:00.006+11:00

Oh boy, I'm excited!

It's kinda weird to be excited about class, isn't it? But what if it's a course called Introduction to the Bible? Now it gets me pumped because it's a formal educational engagement on a text that I've been reading almost every day since primary school.

I've probably memorised hundreds of verses from this book (I should try writing all my memorised verses sometime--an interesting mental exercise). If you mention something like "eye for an eye, tooth for tooth", then I can tell you that it can be found somewhere in the first 5 books (Old Testament), and also early in Matthew (New Testament). I'd recognise stories like Jacob seeing angels moving up and down staircases (Genesis), Moses hitting the rock to pour out water (Numbers?), Joshua commanding the sun and moon to be still (Joshua), Gideon asking for a sign from God (Judges), David's wife being barren (2 Samuel), and Solomon having 700 wives + 300 concubines (1 Kings). It's because I've repeatedly read, re-read and heard them, that's why they stick inside my long-term memory.

I guess the fact that I'm doing this out of interest and passion (versus mere obligation) - remember I didn't have to do this - fuels the fire even more.

Gosh, I'm pumped for this! May my mental faculties glorify the Giver of all abilities.

Credits:
eleenakorban.files.wordpress.com
planetshakers.com

2011

2011-02-14T22:40:00.002+11:00

My verse of the year

My life is not my own, but Yours and Yours alone.

Guess what, I searched it up online and found this.

Discovery

2011-02-14T02:49:00.003+11:00

Here's a little pat on the back for those of you in the research world

The joy of research

A colleague summed up the way many researchers feel about their profession. When asked why he spent so many hours in the lab, he noted that the alternatives were to go home, where he would do the same things that millions of others were doing, or to work in his lab, where he could discover things that no other human had ever discovered. The smile on his face told the story: for him, working on research was sheer joy.

Credits: cs.purdue.edu

Moving Forward

2011-02-03T10:57:00.010+11:00

No turning back

It's been more than 130 days
Every now and then you surface again
At times I'm weak - in a haze
But I'm breaking the curse of porn on men

God said, 'You shall not commit adultery'
I believe it includes fornication and masturbation
For He also said
If you look at a woman to lust for her,
Then you have already committed adultery with her in your heart

Yet so many people live to follow their physical desires
It begs the question, why is God's standard so high?
What's wrong with a one-night stand?
Or a sexual movie every other day?
Or nude pictures?

But you can't say that our bodies
Were made for sexual immorality
They were made for the Lord
And the Lord cares about our bodies

My belief is that
If we are to live the Spirit-filled, Spirit-led life
Then we must be holy
Just as our Father is holy
Otherwise He will not fill us
Because He can't

Letting our sinful nature control our mind
Leads to death
But letting the Spirit control our mind
Leads to life and peace

Here I am
Choosing life, not death
Believing that He will give life to my mortal body
By His Spirit who lives within me
Though temptations may come
I choose not to sin
I'll be delivered
From evil

I'm not turning back

Picture credit: PbArtWorks
Scripture: Ex. 20:14--Matt. 5:28--1 Cor. 6:13--Matt. 5:48--Rom. 8:6--Rom. 8:11

Flavours

2011-01-21T23:12:00.002+11:00

People who do not (yet) believe in God come in 3 flavours:

Agnostics, atheists, and anti-theists.

Which one are (were) you?

Access

2010-12-15T10:00:00.006+11:00

Right, I'll be quick on this one--AMS Figures need some work

Too many people complain too often about not receiving their rights. They are entitled to this, they say, and that, and that, and... "I deserve better pay, better treatment, better packages, etc." If you think I'm criticising certain ungrateful attitudes and behaviours in people, you're spot on correct.

You see, if we imagine the situation objectively, put it out on the table, and turn our eyes to look from a different angle, it's not hard to appreciate the comforts that are already there in life. In the mornings I wake up thanking my Father who has given me the opportunity to reside overseas as I pursue university education. This is beyond the reach of my parents' wallet, yet God proves to supply all my needs according to His riches in glory. I got a million-ringgit scholarship with no bond. I'm given a 3-way access - to a first-world country, to finances, and to Medicine, a field people are dying to get into. It's of course easy to take things for granted - but I really wish I say my word of utter thanks each and every day that I live.

Scientist. That's one of the words I wrote under the heading "Occupation/Ambition" when I was 9 to 12 years old. And 10 years on, I'm now in a research lab that drives discoveries on the human nervous system. Some might take the pessimistic stance and say that research is full of boredom - you know, waiting for incubations, dead cells, failed experiments, disproved hypotheses, negative findings - but in this I beg to differ. As much as I hate these challenges, I take pleasure when they happen because it's telling me a road not to take. Truth is a pinnacle. That's why it's so difficult. It takes ages to establish one. In the mean time, why don't we lab people talk a little bit more about family, vision in life, and views on God?

Can't thank Him enough for this level of access I'm given.

In the not-so-distant future

2010-12-03T11:34:00.006+11:00

3 years down, 3 to go.

It's actually hard to believe that I'll graduate in Medicine, Surgery and Medical Science in 3 years' time. Whenever people ask me, "Which year are you in?", the next question is always "So how long is the course?" And they get a shock when I tell them that it's six years. Some think that the 6th year is the internship year where you're already working as a fresh graduate - but no, that's the 7th year.

Even though 3 years is equal to the full length of a university degree (like Commerce, Science, Arts, etc) - meaning it's still a long way before me - I tend to see it as something that I've been through. Three years down, 3 to go. I've been in uni for 3 years, so another 3 years wouldn't hurt as much, because I've lived through it. But deep down I know it's going to be very different - moving to a northern suburb called Epping, having a 9-5 schedule Mondays to Fridays, talking with patients to learn both the characteristics of the disease and of the individual suffering from it, etc. I might move again to another suburb in 5th and 6th year, depending on placements. But that will come in its own time.

I know for sure that it will be a time of exciting adventure. A wild dream of a child who grew up in Kota Kinabalu, was educated in a regular daily boy's high school, played role-playing games like Diablo and Ragnarok Online... is unfolding into reality.

God, this is awesome.

Picture credit: teddymill.co.uk

iNFO

2010-12-03T11:30:00.003+11:00

More on studying medicine in Melbourne

The 6-year undergraduate, 'PBL model' double-degree MBBS/BMedSc took in their first students in 1999. Semesters 1-5 are uni-based, focussing on pre-clinical education. Sem 6-7 is the research year. Sem 8-12 are clinical placements in hospitals (divided into 15 different rotations). Graduates may skip Sem 1, 6 and 7, making it a 4.5-year degree. The last intake for undergraduates was in 2008, for graduates in 2009.

The course prior to this (also 6 years, MBBS) was probably 'traditional', with pre-clinicals that emphasise lectures, not tutorials, and more of hard biomedical knowledge than of soft clinical skills. I only know nerdy stuff about the course: past papers are available online, and top scorers get their names inscribed on a wooden hall of fame on level 2 of the medical building.

The new 4-year graduate entry, Melbourne-model MD will commence in 2011, graduating their first batch in 2014. The 1-year pre-clinical phase seems like a heavier version of the PBL model (5 semesters condensed into 2) - 12 hours of lectures every week, 18 weeks per semester. Examination is at the end of the year.

Questions/corrections are welcome.

Also: Interesting article on the history of medical education in The University of Melbourne.

Support

2010-11-15T21:06:00.004+11:00

At the special request of my comrade BioPolyMath, this script is inscribed on this humble blog.

Enjoy.

I support Tcmaine

Brought to you by smashpop

Mimpi

2010-10-30T20:44:00.002+11:00

Di rumah lama

Kau mau tau apa mimpi saya semalam?
Saya di rumah lama
Di Taman Oriental
Sama si Peta
Sama si Niji

Si Peta kasi makan Niji apple
Saya bilang, "Eh, Niji buli makan apple kah?"
Peta bilang buli

Terus saya pigi di depan, dekat gate
Di atas itu tiang pagar kuning
Ada banyak apple nih
Sudah kena makan, tinggal kulit lagi
Tapi bentuk masih macam apple
Hairan
Selalu apple core yang orang kasi tinggal
Ini kulit pula
Ada buku, magazine sama surat juga
Macam junk mail
Semua di atas itu tiang
Bukan dalam mailbox
Saya pun pikir:
Kenapa ini sampah
tidak kena gantung di atas pagar?

Masa naik tu tiang
Saya nampak neighbours lain juga
Di seberang jalan
Diurang cakap Cina
Saya tidak faham

Saya mimpi jumpa si Az juga
Tapi ini di tempat lain
Dia tinggal dalam townhouse
Backyard dia besar
Saya masuk dalam dapur, gelap nih
Ada meja bulat sama stool
Macam di kampung pula
Di Soborong

Bila saya bangun, pukul 12 sudah

Aimless and...

2010-10-06T22:06:00.002+11:00

Tired...

Felt a bit of "accomplishment" after tutoring, but more of "aimlessness". Getting paid to do what I like is a wonderful thing, although I'm sure there's a bigger purpose in life than just making money.

Maybe it's an attack from the enemy to discourage me; much like Elijah being attacked with intimidation straight after the public victory at Mount Carmel. Maybe; I don't know.

What I know is that I won't give up hope in life. No, I won't quit.

Letting go

2010-09-27T22:11:00.004+10:00

Are you prepared?

So what was the real motive you had? Was it just to make easy bucks out of someone who needs help with what you excel at? How hard can revising Sem 2 and 3 be? And how many people do you know can generate that much per hour?

*Thinking and wrinkling*

Or if that is no longer your real motive, then what is? Tell me, what is it that you really want from this job? Is it to get paid to help? Help to empower? Empower to help others? Heck, are you really praying that this person you're helping will pass with flying colours, with heightened capacity to care for the health of sick, suffering people?

And the financial reward, do you really wait on The One before even spending 5 cents from it? To give to the person who needs it so much more than you?

And are you letting go of your grip, ~3 weeks before the scheduled moment? No more holding too tightly? To hand it to the one this job is meant to be for?

Isn't that too unselfish (all those actions)? Wouldn't God be the only source of such selfless love?

Bonus pic: Heart shape from ice.

Picture credit: boardhost.com (Sue She)

Dapat kerja

2010-09-23T10:34:00.004+10:00

Now this is a post that I write just so that there is something in each month (now September)

I just got a job last week. A nursing student needed a private tutor for Anatomy and Physiology. I've been searching for jobs on Careers Online since mid-July (2 months ago), hoping for a job to occupy me this semester. Talking with the carpark attendants also enlightened me on job opportunities; for a moment I was considering work as a waiter in a hotel (5 star). Well, what was available was not a waitering position, but a kitchen hand. I figured that a more interactive job like a waiter would be more valuable in my CV, so I put off the kitchen hand for a while. In my institute's intro pack, it was suggested that tutoring is another potential form of work that is value-adding. I mentioned it to a friend, and he said it's also good financially because it is cash-in-hand. And then this job appeared on the web. I emailed the person, thinking that I was too late. But I wasn't, so I got the job. Thank God!

It's been a big turn-around since the last couple of months. Just read at my posts and you'll see the financial struggles that burdened me. But I wasn't like a stranded vagabond in a far away land with nothing to eat and wear, because God's provision (especially food) still flowed during that time. I just can't thank God enough!

It actually was a strange feeling when I got my first pay (in cash!). Satisfying...fulfilling...almost triumphant. For a moment my motive was kicked to the side - off from the main target which is to help someone so that this person can help others.

But that's for the next post.

Money

2010-08-29T10:06:00.007+10:00

Yet another (potential) worry

I expected my allowance to come on Thursday. Well, normally it would arrive on the next day because it's an international transfer from my sponsor, probably made at 12.00am on Thursday. Midnight in KL would be 2 or 3am in Melb, so it would appear on Friday when I check my online account.

A bit of background on what's happening: I had run out of money since Monday- almost all of it. One of my accounts has $15. Three others have $5 each, so that's $30 left. I'm awaiting for payment from 2 other people, bringing my net current asset to $115. This is my broke-est week in Melbourne so far!

But it wasn't there yet on Friday. Nor on Saturday. Now it's Sunday, and still isn't there. It's frustrating, and I feel like grumbling to my sponsor. But my Father owns my sponsoring agency/council, and I would be grumbling to Him. Is that the right thing to do?

Today I woke up with the thought that His Word prevails in spite of my feelings. Though I might feel broke, I actually really am not, because God owns everything, especially the things I need.

I opened Philippians chapter 4, verse 19 (NKJV, NLT and AMP), and this is what I find:

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Ha! I'm dictated by God's Word, and not my (sometimes dire) circumstances. This is another opportunity to see Him come through. I won't worry, God. Because I know Your perfect, unchanging character.

Picture credit: ireward.com.au

Worry

2010-08-25T00:43:00.007+10:00

Why should I worry?

Have you ever had thoughts like, "Was it because I didn't talk to her enough? Did I miss doing this, or that?"

I have. And just now, God instantly prompted a response in my heart. He said, "Don't worry too much about that. Take each day one at a time." Reminds me of a verse in Matthew chapter 6.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

So what was it that worried me? Oh, a lot:
+personal spiritual growth
+my gifts and talents
+the fruitfulness of my AMS (God promised discovery)
+academic pursuits (revising Sem 1-5, reading up brain cancer & surgery)
+volunteering (Sacred Heart Mission, iftar, church Guest Services team)
+a recent eBay purchase
+money (plus giving & maybe work) etc.

If we go back 1 verse from the passage:

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

What things (all these things)?

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

So there it is - the very things that were worrying me. Perhaps I'm influenced by this "efficiency" or "productivity" paradigm that dominates this era. Nothing wrong with them on their own - they are neutral and are only a measure of output. But elevating output (or its measurement) to a God status is contrary to God's Word. We must not idolise output.

Want a personal example? So let's say I want to be a brain surgeon. I need high marks during my bachelor's medical degree to get into the college of surgeons, because the colleges want people with higher marks. Other than exams, I also get marks for the interview and for my CV. I only get to start college training as a surgeon after 1 year of internship (sometimes later). So that's 4.5 years away; what do I do in the mean time? Going by pure human logic, I should get all the marks now - or prepare for them. Therefore study for the exams. Get involved in recognised activities. Practise for the interview. Get along with people, find out what they are thinking of their future, and note how they communicate it to others. My schedule should fill up to increase productivity. See what I mean by "efficiency" paradigm?

Now let's say that I miss something that I planned to do (just like the intro). The time is wasted and my productivity drops. If this gets me worried, then it demands refocussing on the bigger picture. That is, I should focus on my aspiration to serve humanity in the medical field. Even bigger than that picture is God, because He is the originator of all humanity.

God pointed out to me that He's the one who causes things to happen. He asked, "Did you see the donation for Student Appeal coming? Or that it was coming the way it did?" My honest answer: No. The lecturer walked up to me; I did not even have to smile, or look at him in the eye, or motion to him (tactics to pick up a conversation). And he gave an amount that will be doubled because the university would match that donation. I did not see it coming; God surprised me today.

So why should I worry?

Quotes from Day 50-52.

50. Your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever your turn to the right or the left.
51. Let the River of God flow. Don't be a marsh or a swamp. Who are you pouring into?
52. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men.

The provider

2010-08-08T20:12:00.010+10:00

Do you know him?

More testimonies that God is my provider:

+ fried noodles from Mara (gave/brought my tithes to church this week)
+ potluck at a friend's birthday party
3.95 the discount I received on a $12.95 power adapter (1 hour before that I gave $1 to a beggar on the street)
3.00 orange juice from a friend
+ sandwiches (leftovers) from a board meeting
+ muffins and juice from BW
+ uncle belanja at Pacific House

God keeps giving something every week, for the past 6 consecutive weeks. The provision might go through different people (remember how God delivered meat to Elijah via ravens?), but the provider, ultimately, is God. This is so fun!

Bring it on, Your love and favour
Pour it out till it runs over

Quotes from Day 43-49.

43. My mom and dad set the parameters for my blessing and my breakthrough.
44. Favour is all about the impossibility of man and the possibilities of God.
45. Speak it out. Have a faith confession.
46. Sometimes I wonder, what's a testimony for? Is it about the testifier or the one being testified about?
47. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle, and willing to yield to others.
48. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. Perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted, but not forsaken. Struck down, but not destroyed.
49. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Just pleasing people is a prison. It's dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you.

Picture credit: Texico Conference

More quotes

2010-07-23T00:25:00.003+10:00

From memory to diary.

Went to Ipin's place last night to meet with Wan. Shared the fried rice and pasta, and had some cheesecake. Also some 36 kg-bench presses. Crashed there for the night, and had almost 8 hours of slumber.

Had a full day in the lab today, doing ammonium sulphate fractionation, repeated 9 times from 0% to 80%. Couldn't help out PlanetUni booth at Union House. How on earth did I have time to pass the food to Cheryl?

Quotes from Day 36-42.

36. Handle. offence. correctly.
37. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
38. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works.
39. "You spoke so clearly to me."
40. Are you trying to please people, or God?
41. You never know what will happen during that routine, regular thing that you do.
42. The righteousness of grace exceeds the righteousness of the law.

Faith & Favour

2010-07-20T00:16:00.005+10:00

Quotes from Day 29-35.

29. But the word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in those who heard it.
30. It's "the blessed life", not "the blessed chequebook".
31. Nothing is too hard for [him]. I know my God is able, I know his love never fails.
32. God can't accept an offering that's not firstborn or firstfruits.
33. What's the root of all evil: money or the love of it?
34. Don't apologise for God's favour upon your life.
35. Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.

Also, can I just share something about God's blessings in life? You see, I was giving my whole tithe (maybe bringing my tithe is a more accurate word) until April last year. I decided to sponsor a child long-term, but took money out of my tithe to do that. One of my relatives told me that that was Scripturally a wrong act. Even The Blessed Life teaches that if we don't bring back to God what's His in the first place, all our finances are cursed. So I made a decision by faith to give my full tithe, and maintain my other offerings for as long as possible. I guess you're waiting to hear God's blessings now? Well, without trying to be materialistic but still giving a balanced picture of what I've been receiving over the past 2 weeks, here it is:

3.25 a friend treated me McFlurry
3.30 a different person treated me mocha
3.50 another friend treated me 3-layer tea
9.00 yet another friend treated me a meal (pork :)
60.00 a friend gave me his (free) ticket to a 3-course meal

I just realised that it's in increasing order, haha! And I believe that it's not over yet. God is willing to rain down His favour upon us, as long as we're willing to pass it on to the next person who really needs it much more than us. And can I say that it's much more about the heart than anything else? We don't give to get. We give to give.

As written in Psalm 145, verse 15 - The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season.

Thank You, King.

Picture credit: *maxwindy (Deviant Art)

Gifts=they're given by someone

2010-07-19T00:08:00.006+10:00

On spiritual gifts

Lately I've been pondering a lot about the spiritual gifts that I have. I've thought about serving and giving. Maybe teaching too. These things turn me on, like drinking Redbull but without needing to buy and drink anything. But I tend to ask: what counts as a spiritual gift, really?

It depends on what you're talking about. In Romans 12, seven gifts are mentioned. These are often called the 7 motivational gifts because it identifies what most motivates the one with the gift. They are:

Prophecy (perceiving)
Ministry (serving)
Teaching
Exhortation (encouraging)
Giving
Leading (administration/ruling)
Mercy

For example, let's say I'm currently committing $40 a month to a child in Uganda. I might do it out of mercy because that child couldn't otherwise afford food, shelter, clothing & education. Or I might do it to lead people of industrialised countries to act out in social justice. Or I could commit mainly to give. Or as an encouragement to that child that a future full of hope is coming. Or to teach on scriptural truths, e.g. helping the poor. Or to serve real human needs in a practical way. Or to prophesy God's desire for every child to be empowered.

Can you see it? It answers the question, why are you doing this? What's your motive? There could be a few answers, but usually only one touches most deeply among them all. Yours could be different from mine. For myself, I love to serve and give. And teach. Actually, even when I'm teaching, I teach to serve. I don't teach to get paid, gain respect, show my knowledge, etc (although it comes as a by-product). I don't really teach to prophesy, to encourage, to lead, or to show mercy. This might sound ridiculous, but maybe I don't even teach to teach. I've discovered that my main motive is to serve and to give.

The fact that I'd bother writing all this down, studying what counts as spiritual gifts and laying them out systematically, shows the part of me that functions in the motivational gift of teaching. But on my motivations list, it's still a bit lower down compared to serving and giving.

I've still got more layers to peel as I study myself, identifying the unique attributes God has fashioned in me, in order to put myself appropriately in the Body of Christ, carrying out my specific life assignment.

Like Andy Stanley said, the goal is this: Only do what only you can do.

Reference: Morris, R. The Blessed Life, 2002, p. 132.

More reflections

2010-07-02T19:29:00.007+10:00

Copy & paste + a bit more

First, thanks a lot to Adoe for her encouragement!

Quotes from Day 22-28.

22. If you 'make it' in your own natural strength, then this is definitely not 'it' yet. He's got more, but you'll need Him.
23. I live only on how much I need, the rest is seed.
24. Do you believe what you read, or read what you believe?
25. He knows your needs, but doesn't respond to them; He responds to your faith.
26. When you fall into various trials, count it all joy.
27. You give them something to eat. [There was to be no lack, even as there is no lack in heaven.]
28. They will act as if they are religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.

Picture credit: Guzer.com

Diligence is the way

2010-07-01T19:59:00.006+10:00

Don't stop doing what is right

The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.

Proverbs 13:4

Last night, before sleeping, I planned to try out my Early Bird Epping journey today.

Let me tell you how this morning went (after 3.75 hours of sleep):

5.50am - woken up my 5th alarm snooze (first was 5.30am)
5.54am - snooze again
5.58am - yet another snooze
6.02am - I couldn't explain why, but I really felt like jumping out of bed - and I did!

6.18am - reached Melb Central station, platform 2 (got both my Early Bird and 2hr zone 1+2 tickets)
6.21am - on board train to Epping; surprised to meet Melvin the Intern
7.00am - reached Epping station (yay, free ride!)

Met other interns too: Jess, Vincent, Jason, etc. Followed them for the surgical ward round. One patient's temperature was reportedly 39°C. Another asked for an Arabic interpreter.

Then went to theatre where a colon resection was (halfway) being done. Scrubbed in for the next one which was a total thyroidectomy. Can't express my thanks enough to Dr Chek and Mr Gya.

That battle against my lazy side which only idles around is won. And I cherish it.

Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.
James 4:17

If I already know that God wants me to serve as a doctor, then why am I not preparing myself as best as I could? If I were to stay in my present house and commute 1 hour (one-way) everyday, then why not try it out now? See whether it's realistically possible. And not just empty talk. My other objective which is to revise all lectures from Semester 1-5 shall be executed. To the full.

Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.
Proverbs 22:29

Yes. You and I are standing not just before 'kings' (as labelled by society), but before The King of Kings! How awesome is that?!

Earlier this year, this King spoke to me, saying: The balance is 50-50. But what was my question? I was asking where I should draw the line, e.g. when does serving become too much serving, studying becomes too much studying, enjoying becomes too much enjoying, etc.

My balance now is, sadly, 50-0. 50% resting, and the rest is gone. And I know that by increasing my diligence by working a bit harder, I will attain better balance in life, and therefore produce more fruit that lasts.

Slothness stops a lot

2010-06-30T00:41:00.005+10:00

Why be lazy?

A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things.
Prov 18:9

Lazy people take food in their hand but don't even lift it to their mouth.
Prov 19:24

Those too lazy to plow in the right season will have no food at the harvest.
Prov 20:4

I actually had a lot of unfinished business as the semester ended. And some planned winter activities. A few were done; a lot weren't.

Some are even listed in my little black spiral notepad:

viruses (big mech) + DDx
cancer (big mech)
MCQ's (microbio)
read synopses

Week 2 to 12 of Semester 1 (PBS+HP1) is also on my list. As is Andrew Kaye's Essential Neurosurgery for my Brain Cancer essay. At the rate I'm going, none of this is happening. I started enthusiastically with about 4 lectures per day, two weeks ago, and managed to do 13 (next on the list is PBS 2.6).

I wanted to practise a few songs as well {Setia Kepada-Mu, Satu Suara, Drops of Jupiter}, and so far managed to do 1 hour in South Lawn. More sessions are coming.

No reason to be overcome by laziness.

Picture credit: Biblicism (Title: Don't Just Sit There!)

Thank You (10)

2010-06-28T22:48:00.008+10:00

Expression of gratitude

God, thank You for my 5th semester result
No way could I have achieved this without Your guidance

I look first to You
Not to others
Not to myself
Because You're the source of my identity
You define me
I'm Your image

It was a difficult exam
And I sense H2A and H2B are above average
Or somewhere close
But even if not
Still I come with a very grateful heart

I give thanks
For each of the 80 lectopias
That I attentively absorbed
For all the past paper practices
For the group study sessions
And for the exam itself

I admit
I don't understand how
I could miss First Class Honours
But I've firmly resolved
To follow You only
Your voice that
Says

"This is the way, walk in it"

Update: For Sem5 '10, the H2A is 6 marks above average, while the H2B is 3 marks below. My score is +3.75 from the cohort weighted average.

Assorted (9)

2010-06-25T19:01:00.005+10:00

This is one day late.

Melbourne

Haha, how ironic! I didn't have time to write a post yesterday (in the middle of winter break). Did some shopping in the morning, then went to settle some AMS paperwork and read a few pages of The 5 Love Languages (Singles Edition). After that, entertained a friend who came over to play Wii. At night, had steamboat for dinner (Tom Yam soup). My neck stiffness was pretty bad, I had to support my neck with my hand whenever I'm bending it.

Anyway, here's a short sharing on the most joy I had when giving:

when I gave the Acer laptop and Nokia E65 to Mum earlier this year.
when I gave one hundred dollars to Bro Freddy & Suzie as their marriage gift.
when I gave books and presents to my cousins in KK.

Quotes from Day 15-21.

15. Everyone who gets tired sleeps.
We get tired.
∴We sleep.
16. Daniel was 10 times wiser than his peers and distinguished himself...
John the Baptist, the greatest prophet, was greater than Daniel.
The least in the Kingdom of God is greater than John.
If you are in the Kingdom of God, then why aren't you distinguishing yourself?
17. One of us is in trouble.
18. Take your mask off.
19. The pipeline to grace is faith. Are you supplied?
20. Grace. God’s empowerment that gives us the ability to go beyond our natural ability.
21. Why do it in your own strength?

Natural vs Supernatural (8)

2010-06-23T14:41:00.005+10:00

The Holy Spirit's got me pumping

We have doctors to treat diarrhoea, injuries, some infections, headaches, acute pain, the common cold (maybe), cough and the like. And to keep doing the regular things in managing patients and preventing illnesses. Also, of course, fill in forms and write documentation.

But we have Christian doctors to heal the sick from HIV & AIDS, all kinds of cancer, chronic diseases (diabetes, dyslipidaemia, hypertension, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, chronic pain), leprosy, blindness, muteness, deafness, paralysis and all other such 'impossible' things. And to keep advancing medicine with breakthrough discoveries in biomedicine and healthcare. While they're at it, they better start documenting these extraordinary, supernatural stuff that's happening all around!

Ooh, I'm pumped for the Medical Elective in Hillsong 2010!

Quotes from Day 8-14.

8. Children don't believe in limits.
9. Cross over to FAVOUR [your God-given destiny]. But how?
10. 1>It's time to LEAD. Remember, leadership is a choice, not a position.
11. 2>Be strong and courageous.
12. 3>Obey everything you've been commanded.
13. 4>Focus.
14. We gotta be steadfast. Live by faith, not by sight.

Scripture reference:

Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them.
Be strong and very courageous.
Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you.
Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left.
Jos 1:6-7 NLT

52 days (7)

2010-06-22T18:37:00.011+10:00

Favour

On the final night of PS2010 Conference, 'The Bishop' TD Jakes challenged us to meditate on Luke 2:52, "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men." For the next fifty-two days. What I did each midnight was put up a quote that deeply struck me on my Facebook status. Here are some of them:

Now don't fall short.
He's my provider. Whether it's $5.20 or $52 or $252 or all my savings, He's my provider.
Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.
He won't lead you to hardship that He hasn't given you the grace to go through with.
Can you think of yourself scoring straight H1's? Winning national scholarships? Being awarded the Nobel Prize? Sorry, but He's able to (help you) do infinitely more than that.
We’re thinking trees; God’s thinking seeds.
Sometimes God will withhold greatness to see if you're serious.

Scripture references:
"God will provide a sheep for the burnt offering, my son," Abraham answered...Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means "the Lord will provide").
Gen 22:8, 13 NLT

"Blessed are those who believe without seeing me."
John 20:29 NLT

And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
1 Cor 10:13 NLT

Now to Him Who, by the action of His power that is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think.

Eph 3:20 AMP

"You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else."
Mark 10:42-44 NLT

Extras
Me serving in the Guest Services Ministry (my favourite rotation - carpark).
Thanks to Ibrahim for the Hudson's latte. I call that favour!
The start of week 14, Sem 5 '10.

15 Sets and 3 Reps (6)

2010-06-21T16:44:00.009+10:00

1st midsem test.

What's the keyword for this semester? Repetition. If you look my post on the pre-clinical H1 hypothesis written last year, that was my study plan. Meaning, before the mid-sem test, I would have studied the lecture notes 3 times (actual lecture, revision lectopia, and pre-test lectopia). The fourth time would be around swot vac time, just before the finals.

But perhaps I was too ambitious with this plan - I could finish only 1 or 2 pre-test lectopias (3rd dose) while in Brisbane (and during the flight). At least revision lectopia were done (the 2nd dose).

Outside Cyber City on a Saturday midnight

I sure was there (Wellington Point)

Gunfight with my 12-year old cousin

Indan's grand-boys (Missing: Rokian)

15 sets = 15 lectures to cover (5 per week x 3 weeks). There were also 15 questions on the exam. And for the first time, I scored 100% on a test in med school. God always helps you, regardless of whether you're in Melbourne, Brisbane, or anywhere in the world.

Sitting for an exam the first thing on a Monday morning, right after a whirlwind trip to a cousin's wedding in Brisbane (flew out on Saturday morning, flew in the next evening) - that's one heck of a dramatic trip.

Rationalise? (5)

2010-06-20T19:09:00.006+10:00

Whose life message?

Many times I'm tempted to rationalise my situation. My blessed situation, mind you, not just any situation. It's like apologising to people for the favour God has on my life. Which, as Pastor Russell preached, is something we should not do.

Illustration: Imagine Lothar the swordsman, always winning swordsmanship competitions. Demonstrations, slashing shows, or duels - you name it, he has won it. He competes against the best in his class, where the warriors could wield two swords and swing them faster than an average warrior could swing one. The yearly competition attracts the attention of many fighters from distant kingdoms, and the one who wins is highly respected. Lothar, of course, trains very diligently with the blade. His master constantly pushes him to his limit, and his inner circle of friends are all excellent swordsmen themselves.

Now substitute swordsman for your modern-day career, and swordsmanship for the specialised thing that you do. E.g. medicine - learning to treat/cure the human body. Or engineering - building structures for human activity. Or mathematics - solving unsolved conjectures. Or others. For me, I can't deny how much Holy Spirit is involved in my routine, daily tasks as I learn medicine. I wrote "Tuhan, tulung" in my DMF 7.3 lecture notes, where we were learning very specific mechanisms used by viruses to evade host immune systems, e.g. the Nef, Vpu and Tat protein of HIV which reduce MHC Class I expression on the membrane of infected T cells.

Someone might point out, hey, since you study so much anyway, don't you think it's inevitable that you'd score well? The world would say that the way to excellence is hard work. High intelligence would be a bonus. Anything else is due to luck. That may be some people's life message, but not mine.

I don't buy that. So many people work their backsides off without any real significant gains. A high intelligence just means that your benchmark is set higher. You have only yourself to compare against. More is demanded out of you - that's my take.

The essential ingredient, regardless, is God. He blesses all that I set my hands to. My effort bears more fruit because of His blessing. I become more disciplined because He gives me strength. Any deficiencies in my intellect will be filled by Him. In fact, He's so much more than just an ingredient. He's actually the Master Chef.

A Walk with Him (4)

2010-06-19T20:17:00.007+10:00

Another one on perspectives.

You can think of life either as self-centred or Jesus-centred. Either you yourself dominate all your actions and reactions, or He guides all the processes when you make decisions. Either life throws every ugly incident at you alone, or you're facing it with Him faithfully by your side.

I'm mentioning extremes here, and there might be some middle ground of overlap, but I'm not concerned about that because this is not a rigorous academic paper; I'm just writing my heart out. You see, I'm going through a financially difficult time right now, and I'm making the effort to really save up while spending as little as possible. I went over my phone cap and was charged $112 instead of the normal $29 a couple of months ago. Last month it was around $55. I've got a winter trip where I'm allocating $500, but I only have around $400 now (excluding rent money). I'm actually still waiting for $240 to be deposited into my account (one, I was mistakenly overcharged, and two, I paid on my friends' behalf some time ago).

So for the last few weeks, I've been surviving on $18, $15, and $13 on food for the week (I didn't realise this until I checked my diary). Now, I can either see it as

me suffering here in Melbourne, to the point that I need to severely restrict my spending

that God has given me financial challenges to manage in order to learn deeper truths about Him. The fact that I managed to spend so little means that He has helped me with discipline, and has provided free food (Medieval party)/offers/discounts/specials.

I guess you know my choice. Just now in Safeway, I was actually thanking God for the specials (e.g. Weet Bix) this week. Just when I run out of Weet Bix, it's now about $1.20 cheaper than normal price. It may not be much, but since I always buy it when it's on offer, and considering my disposable income with which I'm working, then it becomes quite significant. It's turned from a solo $-saving journey into a walk with God.

p/s: I'm reading Robert Morris' The Blessed Life right now, and truly, there's so much to be thankful to our Creator for. There's a lot of trouble on the way, but it's a test to see how faithful we are to God. An opportunity for our faith to grow. For us to depend more and more on Him. To be joyful (and not just 'pressurised' or even 'accomplished') in giving. We give to give, not to get.

Look to who? (3)

2010-06-18T19:40:00.007+10:00

Continuation

I won't defend myself
I'll look unto Jesus and let Him sort things out for me
His thoughts are higher
His ways are higher than ours
So I won't doubt His words: I have overcome the world

What is there for me to fear?
No job?
No scholarships/bursaries?
God is my provider
People may look down on me for being God-dependent
(like a substance)...

But I'm not ashamed of Him
Coz I don't want Him to be ashamed of me
And why should I be ashamed of The One
Who lived the greatest life
And died the greatest death on earth, ever?

God, I look to You despite my disappointments (no H1 in Sem1, H2A HP2, no H1 in Sem4). You are faithful even when I am not. It's by Your righteousness that I excel in academics, because my encounters with You change me from the inside out, forming the man I now am.

Best part is, it's not over yet. So Lord, do the supernatural again!

I openly receive Your favour upon me. Amen!

Picture credit: miggzs (DeviantArt)

Confession (2)

2010-06-17T23:40:00.006+10:00

Written on Fri, 28 May 2010
(while revising week 3)

Father, my transcript is no longer my own
I let go of my claim/possession, and lay it at Your feet
My utmost is for Your highest
All this intense, dedicated, hard study is for the glory of Your name, Jesus

As I flashback
I remember asking for Your help when I did my Primary 1 final exam:
'God, help me get the best results'
...maybe I even asked for #1...
And truly, You gave it to me
You answered my prayer by giving to me
What I could never get on my own

It was Your grace that I experienced, Father
Your empowerment - divine
That gives me the ability to go beyond my natural ability
And I don't want it to end
I discovered that the more
I rise, the more I need You

Perhaps my consistent above-average final mark since Sem2 (MBBS)
Doesn't really say much about my ability

To the outsiders who casually look, yes,
Maybe that's their first impression
But upon closer observation, they'll discover
How much my strategy (its effectiveness)
Actually depends on God

Coz I don't just study 8 hours a day blindly
Neither do I just revise at the last minute,
Proving 'genius'/super memoriser status

I've mentioned before: What I cannot accomplish
by intelligence/IQ alone, I'll make up with extra effort/hard work
But that's not the whole story
It actually goes like this:

My deficiency in IQ/intelligence will be topped up by God's Holy Spirit
'He gives wisdom to the wise,
And knowledge to those who have understanding'
Daniel and his 3 colleagues were 10X wiser than the other 'wise men' of their day - why?
Because God gave them the empowerment
Similarly God gives me His empowerment
My lack of discipline/motivation/passion to 'sweat it out'/hit the books/memorise/study is overcome, likewise by God's strength
'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'

Now what if I don't get a good score despite all this? (e.g. below/average mark, missing my target, not meeting requirements)

To be continued.

Overview (1)

2010-06-16T17:20:00.007+10:00

Extract.

Right. It's the time of the year again when I write one post per day, reflecting on the semester that's just passed. So how was this semester?

In general, it's been a great experience. I'll take 2 perspectives: the course structure itself, and my personal involvement in it. The course is very cleverly designed to review all body systems that we've learned since Semester 1 (or maybe 2). The 1st PBL case was gastroenteritis, which was kind of an NDM review, but looking from Salmonella Typhimurium's point of view. Second (E. coli UTI, candidiasis) was a urinary tract/female genital tract review. Third (MRSA septic shock) was a circulatory system review while fourth (Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia) and fifth (atopy) were respiratory system reviews, all done earlier in Sem 3. Sixth (pneumococcal meningitis) was a nervous system review (Sem 4). Yeah, you get the vibe. But that wasn't all; the 3-hour weekly prac classes added so many more pathogens, pathogenetic mechanisms, and disease states to our knowledge base. It's a bit more of a spoon-feeding method compared to copying notes from computer prac classes, I must admit, but I was really happy with the didactic method of knowledge transfer. I really salute Sandra, Helen and the other tutors for being willing to put up with 5 sessions of the same practical class every week, for 10 consecutive weeks.

The course required 15 contact hours on average per week. Almost every other non-med student wouldn't believe that. But that's the essence of the "self-directed learning" philosophy behind Melbourne Uni's PBL-driven, systems-based, integrated medical curriculum (not sure how the newer Melbourne Model will be like). Our tutor did mention that a fully PBL-based course would have even fewer contact hours, no lectures, and total independence for students. In theory, I could be spending 100% of my free time studying and revising all we learned in class, including self-study for things not taught by our lecturers. But of course I didn't do that. My revising time probably varied from 10-20 hours per week, mainly involving listening to lectopia. Rooftop Lemur also broke up, giving me even more uncommitted time. So what else did I do?

There was Urban Life and Guest Services which were (still are) routine. Served in 14 Sunday services.
Lots of social (steamboat, potluck, house warming, CMDFA BBQ, Docklands, play kitchen).
Also hospital/clinical school open days to help us choose which one to go to (lots of travel....to RMH, Western, Northern, St V).
Brisbane trip--yay :)
Went to my first Surgical Careers Night in Austin.
UMMSS careers night.
Attended friends' graduation ceremonies (always makes me anticipate mine!)
A meeting with my sponsor.
VSAP Charity Talent Show--the acrobatics were incredible!
Cupcakes/'Share the Love' project. Tomo and Rie were unforgettable.
Picnic at St Kilda beach.
Dance audition (bet you've never heard of this).
Wrote an application for a research bursary.
2 Carers Discipleship nights, 2 Combined Discipleship nights, 1 corporate prayer meet.
Proofread 2 essays for a friend.

Ahhh, it actually feels good to extract this out from my week-view diary into 1 post. Makes me realise just how many occasions have happened in the past 4.5 months. Well, there's still more to come!

The Shield of Faith

2010-05-25T01:31:00.004+10:00

...at the risk of living in denial...

We're called to walk by faith, not by sight. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen; it is impossible to please God without it.

If you already know that you're called to study in university, then you need not worry, year after year, whether it is the correct decision or not. If you already know that you're destined for excellence, then why doubt?

The purpose of a testimony is to bear witness to the one being testified. In the case of testifying of God, it is to declare His works and character. He has specifically fulfilled the end-of-secondary-school-exam-result that He promised to me. And He repeated it again in the 2nd and 3rd semester of my medical course. For one thing, I found that God fulfills His word. He also never changes. Therefore, He will always fulfill His word.

But maybe not in our timing, and not the way that we understand it. Why didn't R get healed when I prayed for him? I don't know. What I do know is, I'm meant to walk by faith, bringing heaven's kingdom to earth, declaring that just as there is no sickness in heaven, so there shall be no sickness here on earth. So what if He hasn't fulfilled His promise of letting me be in charge of 5-digit money figures? He's still my provider. There is no lack and no poverty in heaven, so there shall not be any on earth either.

On another note, once a situation turns around because of a miracle, progress shouldn't stop. I mean, there is no such thing as best testimony ever. It doesn't make sense, because God is a God of progress, of increase. The best is yet to come! Unless you don't believe it. That's why the condition of our faith is so central to what happens in our real world. If you keep looking unto Him, you'll see that His thoughts and ways are much higher than ours, and we better elevate to His level. Because Holy Spirit is in us, we are granted grace, as long as we have faith. That, is God's empowerment that gives us the ability to live beyond our natural ability.

Indeed, there may be a risk of living in denial, but I wouldn't risk missing out on God's promises.

Picture credit: ZivCG

"That kind of life"

2010-05-17T00:00:00.007+10:00

Remembering the past

He could hear the sound of his feet pacing, with deep breaths interrupting every few intervals. He was running around the city park, an exercise that he had longed to do. Work as a barber-surgeon apprentice consumes a lot of his time. In fact, he had declined an invitation to a gathering of physicians earlier on that day so that he could stay (longer) in bed, without being pushed by the pressure of a scheduled meeting.

For Jack, running is a time when not only his physical body does work, but his mind also. Memories of his past start playing back in his mind...

He is the only son of a gentleman and a lady who are wealthy citizens. Well, they were not always wealthy, but they had worked hard up their way. And deep inside, Jack feels the security provided by a stable financial supply. The mansion he lived in was not only huge, but also grand. Almost every guest had a good word to say upon entering his house. In his childhood, he doesn't remember a day when there wasn't a servant to carry out his parents' wishes. Balls and celebrations were also very commonplace, with food being bought from the city caterers. Not everyone could afford those, he thought.

But he considered himself never to be a vain man. He seldom dined in the marketplace, simply because it entails spending coins and notes. He also seldom purchased fine clothes for himself. He saved a lot that way.

Yet he had almost no trouble when it comes to giving his possessions away. Of all the prize monies that he won during contests of knowledge and memorisation, a tenth would go first to the temple. So how did that begin? Like this: Back in his younger days, whenever he ran out of coins to spend, he would simply ask his father for more. Or set out to help him out and get a wage in return. His father was very generous, and there was no problem with this method. But Jack realised how he could go overboard, abuse the agreement and keep asking for more supply of money without being responsible in his spending. He thought, when my father runs out of money, who does he ask from? So they made a new agreement where Jack gets 10 coins each week. If he runs out, he has to wait until the next week. If he has extra, then he is free to do whatever he wanted with them. That way it was much easier for Jack to plan giving the first tenth of his given coins.

He thought briefly about those important years in shaping the man he would eventually become. Now as an apprentice who earns about 15,000 coins in a year (a moderate income, but much more compared to the 500-something he had during his childhood), he still prioritises giving, and living below his means. Good stewardship, it was preached. He lives contently with what he has, not comparing with jealousy and covetousness with what he has not. Another thought formed in his mind: it is actually possible that I live life at the brink of my means, spending all I've got - or even live beyond it and simply request more from Father and Mother when I run out - but I have chosen to put these wild desires under control, and my decision is not to live that kind of life.

Auto-letter

2010-05-10T20:03:00.006+10:00

To self, from self.

Creski!

Finally...

A time to write without restrictions! Feels so good that the last Defence Mechanism (& their Failure) mid-semester test was over.

Here's what I wrote at the back of my notes during the cancer lecture today:

How humbling

Even after completing my 3rd lectopia round (4 weeks in 4 days++), it doesn't mean that I know everything about viral infections. It doesn't even mean that I'll score very high on tests (although it does get increasingly likely - a thought inspired by Roy Robbins-Browne). Take today's test for example: I know what the question is asking, and I understand the MCQ answer options, but I don't know for sure which is the correct one.

And you know what did I do to end it off? Have KFC with the other meddies, using discount coupons. I paid 7.50 and got 3 pieces of chicken, drinks, fries and mashed potato. Lol. Reminds me of the time last year when I told my sister that I can't wait to eat KFC. I'm not really a big fan of it - in fact I rarely eat it - and that's why it becomes special. It depends on what you've done lately. If I have it for dinner every Monday, then it's gonna bore me, for sure.

You know what, I feel like writing a story (continuing what I've started). If not now, then sometime soon. Because a lot of things have happened since I last wrote. Like me helping B, C's play kitchen, The Blessed Life Seminar. And if I don't write while this idea is hovering within my head, it'll go away and I would miss the opportunity to fully express and experience the idea. Why, do you think it's strange to experience ideas by writing them out?

Picture credit: upload.ozbargain.com

To impress or express?

2010-04-24T22:10:00.010+10:00

With thanks to John (PJ).

I guess every now and then we need an unloading of the mental mass that we're carrying in our minds - both the pleasant and not-so-pleasant.

If there's any phrase that really struck me today, then it's "Dance is not to impress; it's to express". Wow! That's one thing I've longed to hear for ages! Just this time last year, I was contemplating my constant desire to show-off. Not just the usual show-off after getting H1's all the way in all mid-sems and assignments, but the greater realm of showing off to anyone and almost everyone.

Like showing off a really big bargain I had.
Or a really cool incident that happened (including re-enacting the scene, dialogue and emotions).
Or simply showing off how much I know that people like showing off anyway.
Wait up, the worst is to come.

The worst? Showing off a girl. My girl. But I never had one, did I? What does this mean?!

Meaning my desire was off-track. I wanted her just so I could show her off. Dr House said that it's like having a nice piece of decoration in the lobby. A pretty girl is really something - er, someone - to show off. Especially if she's got a nice figure too. And captivating eyes that every other guy will want to look at. I thought of her as an Anime character who happens to be in the real world, almost too good to be true. I imagined if she was mine...

*Time for thinking*

Was I driven only by a desire to impress, without anything meaningful to express? People talk a lot about wearing a mask that hides our true self, and I think I have at least 5 of such masks worn on top of each other. Sometimes it's down to 1 (or 0 when I'm really vulnerable), but most other times I have more worn outside. Wearing those masks results in 2 things. 1: People will think you're who you act/present as (e.g. people will think you're a clown if you wear a clown face mask). 2: You will tend to live according to 1. And that takes a lot of energy especially when it's a superficial, faked, dramatised mask that's designed only to impress. *Sigh*

John Bevere talked about our perceived image (how we view ourselves), projected image (how we want others to view us) and actual image (how our Creator sees us). A disconnect between these 3 images of a person will result in frustration and failure in life. "Failure" as in not making the mark which we're meant to reach. And it's not hard to realise that pride is the prime factor that gets in the way of us unmasking ourselves to reveal who's actually in there. What's a bit harder to realise is the pride that's already in us. My pride will say, "Of course I'm not proud. What are you talking about? It must be some other people." Ahah, gotcha!

Ooh, you know what else am I noticing in me now? Little pride-lings, potentially turning into a big ugly bug infecting me:

my discipline in getting up before 9am today (a Saturday)
my charitability in giving the whole day to make and give cupcakes to the public
my ability to produce a song on-the-go
my talent in playing guitar and singing along
my fitness to do a handstand
my perseverance to jog around a park even though it's dark
my skills in writing my thoughts out -.-

Geez, just look at how many times the word "my" appears. It's not really yours to start with, Cres, so why treat it like it is? And the purpose of all those is to build up the people around you, not for you to boast.

If I can reduce this entire piece into 1 line, it'll be this:

Just express yourself. If people are impressed, then that's a result of it. But that shouldn't be your main motive.

Family Tree Project

2010-04-21T18:17:00.008+10:00

A collection of my posts on ChristianForums.com.

9th May 2005, 07:15 AM
Anyone ever tried to map out the entire Bible genealogy from Genesis to...to wherever it goes? So far, I've connected the family line in Matthew and Luke (assuming the ancestry line provided in Luke describes Mary's family).

Now, i have it written on pieces of lined A3 paper stuck together (the ones I take off unused note books).

It connects 700+ individuals...(and MANY with the same names...like Abimelech), and is 75 generations long from Adam to Jesus through Mary's line (about 62 through Joseph).

Some problems I've encountered:
1. Benjamin's children - They're different in Genesis, Numbers, and Chronicles. My way of mapping this is by providing different trees according to the sources Also happens with other persons's descendants, but I think I can get over it.

2. Differing Spellings - Well, I guess they're common even today, right? Generally, I take the ones listed in the book of Chronicles.

3. Who's who? - Even with not-so-often-recurring names like Asaph the musician. How many "Asaph"s were there? Only one I presume, the one serving during King David's time.

4. Disconnected lines - Can't get this connected to the main line based solely on the Bible, I think. Like the descendants of Seir (in Genesis/Chronicles), Saul, etc. It's just like a waste seeing their *quite elaborate* family not being a branch of the main tree.

Which brings me to the rock-bottom question: Why venture on this task in the first place?

Well, I've always been fascinated by the comprehensive lists the Bible has...so I wonder what it would be if it's translated into graphical information. Interesting. And potentially an aid for teaching others, too...

13th May 2005, 03:18 PM
What began as a childhood interest (11-year olds and their--"creative" stuff) continued for some years as I began to do it more comprehensively. But I do realize human limitations, errors, linguistic challenges...etc.

30th May 2005, 06:07 AM
This genealogical record took me the time from Dec 03 until mid 04 (I took a lot of breaks while undertaking this task...finally finishing the list without realising it) As I look at it now, I still need to add references and alternate list based on different texts of the Bible (eg: Septuagint records Cainan, a descendant of Shem, but the Hebrew does not.)

*Deep breath* It's like fresh air filling me to total lung capacity. Oh, how pumped I am to set to work like that again -- the burning passion of curiosity!

The power of choice

2010-04-19T19:48:00.013+10:00

On Thoughts.

Isn't it such a great feeling when you're able to pinpoint a flaw in your life and say, "Aha, this one's not right"?

One that I've got is a recurrent thought saying: "It's all useless anyway." It's the #1 thought that stops me from doing what I'd do.

When I wanna study and revise, it goes: But it's not going to make any difference. You're studying too much. The gain is too little. Look at your friends - see how little they work? The extra mile isn't worth it. You're an overworked, over-involved, overstressed workhorse. Heck, I bet you that 100 extra hours revising your Bacterial Infections won't gain you even 1 additional dollar in the long run.

When I decide to channel a portion of my money to help a child in a developing country, it goes: What good is it? You're taking too much trouble. Just enjoy your money. You're only going to be poorer than your peers. What, you think that as a giver you'll be a more respectable philanthropist? You're not donating $1 million; it's not going to matter anyway. Furthermore, you're working too hard with bank accounts, managing your money and all that. Hey, I tell you, it's all unnecessary.

When I decide to do a work experience attachment, it goes: It's summer break, and you'd be bothered to get up at all, against your will? Whether you do that western blot or not, that cell count or not, it will probably change the course of history by 0.1 nanodegrees (10^-10). It doesn't even matter, and you're wasting your energy. Come on, Creski, you don't need to do it.

Makes me share the feelings of the Teacher in Ecclesiastes, 2nd chapter, 18th verse: I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned. And who can tell whether my successors will be wise or foolish? Yet they will control everything I have gained by my skill and hard work under the sun.

But still he ends his writings by saying: Here now is my final conclusion. Fear God and obey His commands, for this is everyone's duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.

Another thing with this thought is, it usually comes in resistance against a good deed that I've decided on earlier. I agree that it's sometimes useful to think whether my actions are futile, but hesitating or chronically thinking that everything I do in the world is useless is useless. Yes, useless.

And a servant who knows what the master wants, but isn't prepared and doesn't carry out those instructions, will be severely punished. But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. That's recorded by Luke, 12th chapter, 47th verse.

Take that, useless thought. I have the power to choose, and I choose not to entertain you.

Picture credit: studioshash

If not by His grace

2010-04-12T20:07:00.005+10:00

A self-reminder

Can you reflect on a time when you felt at your best? An exam that you aced? A competition where you performed superbly? An event that you organised really well?

I have a few distinct moments that come to mind.
Studying for IB Chemistry HL.
Playing Azwraith in a 3-on-3 DotA match.
Performing "Sonata Musim Salju".

But a voice in me says: there's more. Though at times you may feel like those amazing moments are now over, don't give up. It's gonna happen again. This time it's going to be even greater. So expect more. If you can "make it" in your own natural ability, then this is not "it" yet. The best is definitely yet to come.

Cooperate with His grace.

Perhaps the devil is angry at your accomplishments - past and present, but especially future. Remember, he comes only to kill, to steal, and to destroy. Resist him. Keep holding on to the Author and Originator of Life. For all authority on earth and in heaven has been given to Him. Remember it's all for His glory.

Note-taking

2010-03-28T18:27:00.005+11:00

Don't stop doing what's good.

A couple of people have mentioned how my sermon notes are not the normal ones they've seen.

I take it as a positive thing, and decided to put up today's notes. You start at the top left corner where the preacher's name is [Ps Ashley Evans]. Then just follow the arrows. If they branch, pick one to follow, and come back to the other branch later.

Key phrases:

"This time, I'm gonna praise God." - Leah, found in verse 35, chapter 29, Genesis.

Praise comes first

Praise protects the dream (& dreamer)

Praise protects the vulnerable

Greet your day with praise

Praise puts pressure on the problem

Praise leads us out of trouble

Praise delivers a Hollywood ending

The 4th point is my paraphrase (coz I didn't catch the exact words).

Hmmm.

Might do this more often :)

Pairs^2

2010-03-21T22:33:00.003+11:00

Squared.

It was getting dark. Jack had just bathed after running the whole path around the games centre in town. Now he was sitting outside his door, looking into the horizon as the sun began to set.

It's so hard to believe that I almost did this, he thought to himself.

True. Many times you don't see the reason why some things happen.

I actually desired her; I wanted her so much!

He recalled a time during The Worship of God, how he looked at Jyllian from the distance, his passions rising within him. Oh, how beautiful she is! And all this happened during a holy moment in the temple!

But it felt so right back then! Exactly. He was not looking at other girls, and he was not in haste to propose to Jyllian. My only concern was whether it was the right moment to do it.

Many times you don't see the reason why some things happen. Until the thing is past.

So is it past now? Could he tell?

I can't. Yet he has learned to not dwell too much on what the eyes can see, or the flesh can experience, or what life can pride itself in. Like winning a fair lady's love. To behold her beauty, or enjoy her, or show her off - a living trophy. No, true love must be more than this.

Jack knows of people who have settled for less. He decided not to be one of those.

It was finally dark - the sun had fully set. Jack arose, turned around, and entered his house. A lot more needs to be done. Until then, I will not just resort to satisfying my own self.

Picture credit: media.photobucket.com (Kagaya)

Supply Bags

2010-03-10T23:25:00.015+11:00

Beginnings, part 2.

So what was my supply bag for 2008? So run to win. Mentioned in verse 24, chapter 9, in 1st Corinthians. It really struck me once I saw a video of the Beijing Olympics, where Usain Bolt broke the 100m sprint record. I realised that to win my race, I gotta run. Not jog, walk, stand or sit. Run. It tells me that what I've gotta do is pretty specific, and I can't get it done another way. And I've gotta run my race. Not other peoples'. Makes a big difference. It also says to win. What's a common factor in winners? They train (really) hard. That's what they do every day.

For 2009, the words I received were: Looking unto God (Jesus), the Author and Finisher of our Faith. As of now I'm still thinking through the aftermath of my Sem 4 result, which - if I compared to my targeted marks and grades - is disastrous, so this isn't entirely clear to me yet. It seems strange why a year that began so well (straight H1 final result...made up of H1 in almost all tests) ended with my worst result since starting uni. Maybe God's saying, "Hey, relax. I'm still here with you, Creski. Why don't you take your eyes off your disappointments and look to me instead?"

So here I am, waiting on the next instructions, a bit like a German shepherd waiting for his owner's commands. Or more like a Private waiting on the General's word. I keep doing what's routine (wake up, do devotion during quiet time, make breakfast, brush my teeth, wax my hair, etc), but the challenge is to keep a sensitive ear to His words saying: This is the way, walk in it. This is my 2010.

Ooh, I can tell you that I'm expecting a lot of stuff, especially new, exciting ones. A sneak peek: I'm doing Advanced Neuroscience at Howard Florey Institute/Florey Neuroscience Institutes, starting in July. I'm expecting discovery. Oh yeah.

Picture credit: operations.mod.uk

Warning

2010-03-07T21:24:00.005+11:00

Sometimes it just happens without warning. Other times, it is the actual warning itself.

Remember Jonah who tried to run away from his divine calling of being sent to Ninevah? That great city has no other access to the message of salvation.

Aren't we like Jonah at times? For me, I've got my own "Ninevah". Yet last year I recall a time when I considered not visiting this Ninevah as much as I used to. Instead I desired to hang out somewhere else.

Why? Because I could get something out of it (the other place). Ninevah offers me nothing. Can't get a mate for me, or Mum will kill me for marrying/dating 'foreigners' (a certain type of them). Heh, I was thinking too much about my own comfort.

Ninevah was a place of a certain living standard, and it's not astronomical. But the other place was. I mean, you can spend as much silver and gold as you wanted, and no-one would stop you. In Ninevah almost everyone is rationed, so you take care of your expenses. Which was a good thing to do, right?

But I was thinking of a second job to supplement my income (1st job is a disciple to a health consultant...which isn't an actual job). You know why? I was thinking of the fine clothes I could wear. The fine food I could dine on. The fine places I could visit. The fine this-and-that. Especially when I could get myself a mate in the process. Oooh, romantic! There's nothing wrong with that taken by itself, but if you look at my personal context, then it means serious trouble. I was deviating away from Ninevah.

Big Boss has said to me: This is the way, walk in it. I take it to heart, especially this year. He says, do not stray from it, either to the left or the right.

That was the warning, and I better take heed.

Longing for Something

2010-03-04T01:37:00.005+11:00

How I miss thee, Melbourne!

Haven't you ever felt that something was missing when you were away from this beautiful city?

Perhaps I had too many idle days in Kg Taginambur that I actually thought studying was fun. Think about that. It actually can happen. You know, when you have absolutely nothing else to do, you'd rather be studying.

I miss the productive moments. Even in a rather mundane day, as routine and uneventful as it may seem, the productivity level looks very high compared to my developing hometown. Five hours in a lab could mean 1 research question being explored and solved - e.g. by doing some Western blotting experiments - while the same number of hours back home might never yield the same amount of new knowledge gained here.

Maybe that's the difference between a first-world, developed country and a third-world, developing one.

But my emphasis is not judgement ("Melbourne is better than KK").

KK means a lot to me, and I might end up living and settling down there one day. It's just that, at present, I can't contain this strange combined feeling of excitement and gratefulness for me to be where I am.

Hey Melbourne, I'm so happy to be here. And you know what, even during the days when I don't emotively feel excited, I'll at least have an attitude of excitement (don't think that's impossible).

I'm here to learn as much as I can before I enter the medical field. Gosh, I'm actually already in. It's just that I'm not a paid worker yet, so I'm not yet tied to the occupational obligations that doctors are.

Back when I was 9 or 10, I wrote down "Scientist" as one of my ambitions.

A scientist discovers new stuff. Discovery's coming. Oh yeah.

Come on, Melbourne, show me the substance of those prestige and university rankings!

Picture credit: wehi.edu.au

Pairs

2010-02-18T23:51:00.011+11:00

Duplet electron configuration

He opened his letter box, and read the handwritten invitation.

I am pleased to invite you to a New Moon Ball at my residence. Dinner shall commence at eight in the evening. BYO.
-Ms Elise

Jack smiled, at least to himself. He has commenced his tutelage under the barber-surgeon Mr Denver, a month earlier than the other apprentices. "Ms Elise's other guests must still be enjoying summer holidays," he thought. Nevertheless, it's a brilliant opportunity to meet these other people, not to mention cooling off after a day's work.

The ball went well -- very well.

On his way home, Jack walked alone, pondering about the evening's experience.

Pairs. That thought surfaced in his mind. He was a single man, and he thought that there were a number of attractive young girls at the ball. But they were not all single.

One of the girls recently got together with a handsome young man. Not married, but a start to that end. Another one got together with an articulate gentleman. Maybe it's by his wonderful words that she fell for him. Because the year before, a different girl fell for him. Or so Jack thought. Another girl - one he found very beautiful - also had her man, who happened to be Jack's friend. It was certainly a mixture of feelings. Disappointment, certainly - because he now could not be for this girl what he earlier could have. But he allowed only his happy side to show through his facial expression. Ms Elise herself was in the arms of her lover. Looks like the single people are gradually becoming outnumbered.

These thoughts whirled in his head as he walked past the streets and lanes that led to his home that night. He knew he had his apprenticeship to complete, and it demands unwavering focus from him. Still he knew that lonely times make him vulnerable to feelings - and he could foresee that there will be many such moments.

A silent song started to play in his mind:

When no-one cares

For your dear self

The soul, it bares

No more defense

Tears

Cries

Sobs

*Sighs*

Oh don't you yearn

For something deep?

It pulls the guts

It's authentic

Big question is

Is it time now?

For it is said:

I charge you all

Don't awaken love

Until it pleases

Picture credit: farm1.static.flickr.com (Artist: Kagaya)

Beginnings

2010-02-14T17:02:00.007+11:00

Taglines

You might have seen the taglines at the bottom right of this blog. I'm going to talk a bit more about them today.

Well, I started having these "yearly mottos" around 2004-5 (if there was one for 2004, it was probably Believe in the Divine). Somewhere else, I wrote Strive for Excellence. From there stemmed Do your best, let God do the rest. So I had a few for that year, but I consider the first as the main one.

Why have them? Probably to settle into a life mould, like getting into a new habit, because we know all too well how humans tend to 'default' to slack mode. Not to mention the unhealthy lifestyle, guilty conscience, unproductive periods - i.e. the mess - that it brings. So it's a bit like laying straight tracks for my life train to run on.

2005 was To the limits. Mainly because of my A2 in Moral in Form 5. So, presumably no more of that, eh? I targeted 4.00 in matriculation college, and after starting IB, set my goal at 40/42 minimum for the internal exam. My actual points was 39, and that's with a 79% in Bio. So it was literally 1 mark away from 40.

2006 was Nothing wasted, all for God (actually I said "for Yosua", i.e. Jesus). Not really sure why that was my theme for the year. I mean, looking back, I didn't really waste much time in Sem 1. Heck, I actually wasted more time in Sem 2 '06 because of my new laptop. And DotA! Grrr.

So perhaps that's what the year motto was foretelling? Hmm, maybe. You see, I believe that whatever challenges lie ahead of us, it's never too big for us. I mean, they're always too big for us. But that's why there's the Big Guy. And Big Guy gives a Big Gun. Have you heard of it? It's called Grand Rumbling Awesome Creative Empowerment. Or grace for short. When we receive grace, no problem is too big for us.

2007, stepping into my final college sem, just before getting my academic passport to enter uni, I set Full blast, full speed, in full faith. I remember that this was in Taginambur church.

You know what else am I thinking? That all these "power words" perhaps don't just come from within me. As in, I didn't just come up with a few nice words, string them together, and walla, I have a year theme. No. I believe that someone put it there inside me. Someone deposited in me, at the right time of the year, as my supply bag for the pressures that are to come.

More later.

Unpacking

2010-02-12T17:38:00.007+11:00

It took me all day to unpack and arrange my stuff 2 days ago. I brought: a 15-kg big bag, a 7-kg small bag, and a laptop bag.

Sad thing is, the AliCafe and Indocafe? 3-in-1 instant coffee were confiscated at Melbourne airport (though I already ensured they were non-dairy). Reason? They probably used animal-derived products (sodium caseinate, was it?). So what kind of coffee can I bring? Something made in Singapore, or Indonesia, or NZ or Aus. But not Malaysia.

So I'm left with books, clothes and of course my new Dell 1440.

I can tell you it's no easy job to unpack and arrange all your stuff, especially if you're sharing a room with a roommate (and it's smaller than 15x15 feet). What I had to do was arrange all the bits of paper on my desk, put it under my bed, and then take out the rest of my stuff. And oh yes, the bags have to go under my bed first before the notes/books. So that's a bit of tetris in my bedroom.

I realised (since 1 year ago) that I keep a lot of potential trash. Grrr. They're annoying when you're spring cleaning, but are even more annoying if they're not found when needed. Like my laptop claim form. I lost it! Thankfully Pae sent me a copy last week.

Other happenings:

Went jogging and played soccer at Princes Park. Ahh... my cardio park.
Played boxing on Wii Sports and really sweat it out.
Went around the Suzuki night market, tasting chocolates, kebabs and Persian dishes.

And someone gave me a book, with a written message in it saying, May God guide you through His path:

Sabah Pix

2010-02-06T03:57:00.004+11:00

Cherish every moment you live.

Because you live it only once.

Majestic Mt Kinabalu

My birthday, with Mum and Dad at home

The mixed veges - a nice variety of red and green

The twilight sky at Taginambur

HA!

2010-02-01T02:27:00.000+11:00

February - the 2nd month - is fast approaching and I've still done only 1 post in January.

You know what? I'm making it a point:

To write something every now and then. Regularly. E.g. once a week.

So what have I been up to?

A one-week fast.

Online gaming.

Catch up with cousins.

Work (tutoring).

A new laptop!

So you later bloggy.

(Oh, but it's already Feb in Melb!)

Quote 2

2010-01-11T13:34:00.006+11:00

Fundamentally, we are a product of choice, not nature (genes) or nurture (upbringing, environment). Certainly genes and culture often influence very powerfully, but they do not determine.
Stephen R. Covey, The 8th Habit (2004)

Picture credit: clci.ph

Quote

2009-12-20T01:01:00.006+11:00

Motivation is an elusive animal that all organizations want to capture.
-Steven Silbiger, The Ten-Day MBA (1994)

Picture credit: amazon.com

Of cats and laureates

2009-12-07T23:25:00.007+11:00

A top cat?

Controlling the migration of such people [talented scientists] is a bit like herding cats, a rather useless exercise. It does nonetheless help to offer quality cat food (funding) and plenty of it if you want to attract the attention of a top cat.
-Peter Doherty, The Beginner's Guide to Winning the Nobel Prize

I found this to be really amusing! "Attention of a top cat". LoL. This became a self-motivating question for me while I went jogging today: Are you a top cat? If you fall, do you rise again? Do you keep pushing to your limits? If you have to suffer in order to fulfill your destiny, would you? How willing are you? And once people do recognise you as a top cat, how would you redefine the top cat standard?

Picture credit: birmancatclub.co.uk

Moment of Shock (1)

2009-12-05T23:32:00.005+11:00

Part XIX.

Is this really it?

Waited till 3am for the result to come out.

Kind of surprised to see the outcome; it wasn't what I expected.

Lower than my target, and it wasn't what I heard Papa say.

Still now it's an ongoing question that I still ask.

Even if it is it, then I still seek Him.

There's gotta be a bigger lesson
that I haven't yet
realised.

An Idea Unwritten (2)

2009-12-04T11:25:00.010+11:00

Part XVIII.

"Unassuming"

"When you've changed, I'll tell you." That was early 2009, said by my UL leader. But I was very anxious back then, thinking, why can't I know exactly how/what to change now?

Within a few months she said: Hey, you've changed so much, you know; what made you change?

Now I must admit that those few months were a bit different than previous months.

Flashback 1 year - I'm in 1st year of uni, living away from parents, free to take care of all my time and money. No nagging, no orders, no instructions. I thought to myself, God, you blessed me so much to live life. Soon enough, the thought turned into: Hey, what am I here for, really? So I set myself some targets. Straight H1's in school would set me apart - make me get to the 1% of the right hand bell curve. After all, I'm already part of a social class. What's more prestigious than Melbourne Uni? And what's more exclusive than Medicine? Now if I just become a little bit more of an over-achiever (as if I'm not already one), then the world's eyes would be set upon me.

When K and I arrived for the party, all I wanted was to look good. Then she asked what "backslide" meant, and I wanted to explain it to her as silently possible. Because not knowing that basic term is a shame in people's eyes!

Happened later with N too. I had wanted the calls, the talk, the walk, etc, to be as cool, smooth and flowing as could possibly be imagined. I had certain assumptions about how it's meant to be. It killed my unassuming attitude.

Looking back, I clearly see these changes inside of me. From who I was, to the hardened self, and back to the unassuming me. It's been a fight, really. I admit, it's not easy to know that you're wrong until after the incident. Heck, I might even be wrong in some areas now, still being shaped and moulded by the Higher Power. But the greatest thing to realise is that He is on your side. He's faithful even when you're not.

Question is, would you respond with an unassuming attitude?

Picture credit: familycentersinc.org

Battle of 'the real world' (3)

2009-12-03T13:40:00.002+11:00

Part XVII.

Neuroscience - This is it

Hmmm, let this first half be "Battle of Photographs", because that is essentially what the Prac exam is. I reckon it's a great paper too, although I did make a mistake because I didn't know the answer then. People said this paper was hard, and that's mainly because it was ultra-specific. That's the usual method of catching med students 'off guard'.

As for the combined OSCE and Neurological/Musculoskeletal Physical Exam, it ended on a high note for me. After finishing around 2pm, I didn't have to wait hours like I did last semester. I think I covered the content well for the symptom of tension-type headache, although I wish I could be more fluent with my questioning and "conversation". I could also have improved on the fluency of my answer for the doctor's question at the end. And as bonus, perhaps I could have differentiated between infrequent, frequent and chronic subtypes of TTH. But oh well, it was a superb exam overall. Surprising thing for the physical was, I ended before the 6-minute bell, and as I was about to leave, the actor said, "There's another one" (1 minute later). So we chatted about going back home, holiday plan, etc.

Summer truly is a liberating time. No external commitments, study loads, other-imposed duties, etc. It's all from you - i.e. you decide what you wanna spend your time on. And I've amazed myself because of my discipline in exercising/working out during the past 2 weeks. Just today I was doing shrugs in CS gym. Never knew that I could shrug 20 kilos! Now time to see the traps grow =)

This Uni Life (4)

2009-12-02T21:33:00.011+11:00

Part XVI.

The Pre-Clinical H1 Hypothesis

Repetition for Lectures

That means:

O - pre-read

1 - attend lecture ± Lectopia prn (as needed)

2 - Lectopia (pre-test)

3 - grand round

Hunger: Ask, Seek, Knock for PBL's

On Mondays and Thursdays - 2 sessions now...not just 1!

Maybe 1 day of overnight (considering I've been doing it a few times anyway...and then there's on-call to be conditioned for)

Consolidate/Coagulate/Sediment for Prac

Take the trouble (e.g. spinal cord & brainstem; took some time, didn't they?), let it sink.

'Precocious' for HP

Start early in all aspects: ICM, physical exam, medical Hx OSCE, past years.

Coactivators

do group study
teach people
be taught

Finally writing this from my laptop again! It was gone for a few days, unable to load Windows XP, and I'm still not sure why. Anyway, I got the installer CD from Pau yesterday, and thankfully Dad has got a valid XP Pro CD key. I'm also grateful for the C: and D: partitioning. Otherwise all my writings and excel sheets would have been reset to 0.

Picture credit: mame.mu.oz.au

Battle of Spectrum (5)

2009-12-01T09:30:00.001+11:00

Part XV.

Paper Review 3

It was a wide-range paper spanning almost the entire Sem4 curriculum. Hence "spectrum". But I did realise the lack of pharmacology questions.
(Now I might be caught for doing this, but I'm not so worried)
Listed below are my "confidence" levels for each question:
1. Stroke +++++
2. Facial n. ++++
3. Spinal cord, L5, sup. fib. n. +++
4. Secondary amenorrhoea +++
5. 69 y/o, dementia ++
6. Contraceptives, PI +
7. Pharyngotympanic tube, epiglottis +
8. Red chilli, watery eyes, red cheeks, ↑HR +++
9. Population control +
10. Adrenal gland ++++
11. UMN, LMN, tendon jerk reflex +++
12. Chromosomal abnormalities +

#9 is definitely the most jaw-dropping question I've had this semester. But as they say, expect the unexpected.

Anyway, the night before I was doing forward-moving declarations, believing that I'll get an H1 for this paper's breakdown. This never happened before. Usually my PBL paper brought my score down (it had been H2B and P). Despite feeling not confident in the natural, I'm trusting the supernatural to bring this through. So it can't happen by myself alone. Well, what if it turns out that it does happen? Then that's the extra push/pull enabling me in the impossible. Nothing is impossible for those who believe.

Yeah, I'm waiting on that.

Lectopia Countdown (6)

2009-11-30T22:11:00.007+11:00

Part XIV.

I see the light (the end)

It was 3 weeks before my final paper that I decided to start Lectopia-ing all the 70+ lectures again. At 2X speed, at best this would take 30 minutes, or shorter if the lecturer was kind. You might be thinking, 70 lectures to listen to - that's crazy! But believe me, I had been rocking it back and forth in my head, while I was deciding on the most effective way to fully cover everything in Sem4. Then I realised, making up my mind itself was taking precious time off from revising!

So I just set my mind to it, and managed to finish 1.5 weeks of stuff in week 13; 5.5 in week 14; and 5 during Swot Vac. So that was 12 weeks of stuff; so I'm left with week 7 (Neuropharmacology) and 12 (Steroid hormones & endocrine glands). And to this day I look back to 27 Oct 09, the day I did 9 lectures - including the fearsome brainstem - and 40 midsem MCQ's. By the way, how on earth did I squeeze almost all of the PBL mechanisms and some Histo stuff during those moments?

Now it has been a tremendous accomplishment that I'm really thankful for. But I do wish that (next time) I'll finish the lecture synopses.

Picture credit: revjavadude.files.wordpress.com

Battle of Specifics (7)

2009-11-29T14:15:00.003+11:00

Part XIII. No more cranial nerve

Paper Review 2

Awww... I thought the HP exam was fine, OK, all right. Yup. While I was able to answer most of the questions, I realised that I still have loopholes in my knowledge base (e.g. usage rate of withdrawal method is less than 5%). The medial brain structures involved in memory include basal forebrain and anterior thalamus. I forgot a lot of these stuffs (specifics), yeah, but that's expected I suppose. That's why I don't aim for perfection (100%), but for excellence. I just hope that my marks are ≥ 80% (that's what I declared the day before).

God, help. Just like You helped me in my study sessions. Just like You helped bump my CRL MCQ into a high H1 last sem. Fulfil Your Word of excellence to me, Lord. I ask in Jesus' name. And I go a step further now; increase my faith as I go through this storm that is my exam. I wanna learn what You're saying to me. It's all for You; it's all about You, Daddy!

We're under attack! (8)

2009-11-28T13:29:00.011+11:00

Part XII. Hypoglossal nerve

Writings to Papa 2
Retreat to Him

God, I'm tempted to feel bad about myself now... to lose hope... but You know what, my eyes are fixed on You - on You alone. I'll honour You tomorrow with my time. For I know that time spent with You is very powerful.
I know You are able, my God. I know Your love never fails. I face my exam with boldness that comes from You, HolySpirit. None shall separate Your love from me. So there's nothing for me to fear.

It seems like every Swot Vac and exam period brings something new to me - it's probably related to the "unassuming" attitude (an idea I'm writing soon). So for me, what's new is that God really is a fortress, a tower, a mother base. You know, when your army is falling weak and you've gotta return for protection. Return to where? That's God.

It's funny sometimes - I'm studying for more than 1 hour straight, tired and a bit saturated ("threshold"), and I look up to God, ready to complain and let it all out, and He says: Keep going. And He points down at my lecture notes. The race isn't over yet.

Really, He's been the source of my focus and attention during each study time that I have.

Picture credit: tolkienforums.com

Battle of Heat (9)

2009-11-27T14:15:00.000+11:00

Part XI. Accessory nerve

Paper Review 1

The most dramatic thing about CSGD Paper 1 (100 MCQ) was the 3 marks getting saved. Overall, I felt great with the paper. I did the usual tricks like marking the answer during reading time, speeding up, doing some of the last questions, etc.

However, there were a few ultra-specific questions in the paper. One by the pharmacologists was asking which drug was least likely to cause sedation, but the options were all drug names! I'm not sure how I remembered that Fluoxetine was a type of SSRI, but that got me the right answer. Coz I was thinking, SSRI's are anti-depressants, and the lecture notes pointed out that these drugs don't sedate you, so I reasoned, yup, this must be it.

It was a good start for the exam period.

Harap sama Ko ja (10)

2009-11-26T15:01:00.008+11:00

Part X. Vagus nerve

Writings to Papa 1
In Sabahan Malay

Thank You aa, RohKudus
Bagus butul oh Kau.
Susa mau percaya ni, tapi begitula hidup,
harap sama Ko slalu.
Hebat ni.
Memang H1 la result sia ni kali ni.
Lagipun Ko suda kestau sama sia ba kan.
Apa lagi, bikin la =)
Sia ikut ja sama Ko ni.
Susa hati, takut, menyesal, kecewa...ahh...
Macam teda ba ni kalo sama Ko.
Tulung sia, ah, RohKudus. Mimang mustahil ni
mo hidup macam Tuhan Yesus kalo bukan Ko
yang tulung. Sia yakin ja...sia mau kasi
puji sama Yesus Kristus ja. Kasi agung,
kasi tinggi...sama Tuhan ja. Oh, haleluyah Tuhan
Ko mimang hebat la.
Sia sembah Ko.
Ko satu urang ja.
Yah!!!

12.20am - Thu, 15 Oct 09

Come What May (11)

2009-11-25T23:46:00.006+11:00

Part IX. Glossopharyngeal nerve

Speak life!

Why didn't I score well for the 2nd midsem? (Only for the CSGD/science subject though - a 6/10; while scored 4/5 for the HP/psychology subject, which I'm happy for.) Maybe it was a hard test to begin with. To compound that, maybe I didn't get as much preparation as I ought to - there were a lot of things that I took part in the week before the test. And what I wish for is that activities like dinner with buddies, conferences, volunteering activities, blood donations, and helping out friends - that these no longer become a hindrance to me from scoring H1's. That's the life that I want to see next year. I wanna be so prepared, so ahead of my studies, that these things won't be an excuse for a low score - heck, I'm believing that I'll no longer get low scores!

Now that's an uncomfortable life to live, because I realise that laziness usually comes easier than diligence.

That's why I'm declaring things here!

It will all be good (12)

2009-11-24T23:36:00.009+11:00

Part VIII. Vestibulocochlear nerve

Full & occupied nights

So yesterday, there was the SoCA showcase at Lower Plenty (somewhere near Bondurra/Heidelberg) at 7pm. I came just in time to see the last song performed, and that was at 9.30pm. What took me so long?

From Williamstown, I reached Melbourne Central at 7pm. So I was already late to start with. Worse, the train I wanted only arrived at 7.22pm. I was meant to stop at Rosanna. However, as I sat in the train with my little story book, I dozed off, and when I was awake again, it was already at Eltham, about 5 stops from Rosanna. That was past 8pm. So I hopped on the train going back from where I was, and reached the station. And it's not over yet.

I needed to take a bus to reach the building where the showcase was held. I missed the 8.15pm bus, while the 8.45pm bus did not take the route I wanted. The next bus was 9.15pm. That's why I reached so late!

Flashback to week 8 (2nd week of Sept), the week after camp.

Monday was hangout day with Dinesh, my former academic rival for 3 (four?) years in high school. Dinesh, still remember Ms J saying: "My left and my right"? (She was handing out report cards in rank order...and we were sitting right next to one another, and there was no way I could beat your score; usually my Bio and Sej brought my average down.)

Tuesday was Brian's birthday. It's quite random to play his game of self-questionnaire. Even more random, I then made a song out of it. It's called Paddington Bear, using the tune of Everywhere (Avril Lavigne) - so it's not totally original.

We had Budok and Nad's surprise birthday on Wednesday night. Also, I did the sleep research that night. It's a project by Dr Chris Worsnop, our Sem3 Respiratory Physiology/Clinical Medicine lecturer.

Had dinner with Shafiq, Izul, Naseef and Jason at Nando's on Thursday. It was really funny, because while I wanted to avoid spending $6-7 at Intersection Cafe with Syarul (wanted to eat at home), I ended up spending twice the amount somewhere else.

Apollo Underground II at Richmond was on Friday night. Then Jie drove me to the Corporate Prayer Meet at Collingwood. Wan Ting sent me home. What an eventful evening.

And on Saturday, after giving out cupcakes to the homeless with Novi, she asked me to give out the leftovers (2 big boxes!).

It's Best to Obey (13)

2009-11-23T23:35:00.005+11:00

Part VII. Facial nerve

Pit stops, not sleeping bunny!

My diary entry for 9th Sept (09/09/09) reads: started playing Travian. I'd log into the computers in the ERC to give instructions like build a barracks or train an army of Theutates Thunder. My time in between classes is used to care for my village. I employed c69's Offensive Gauls strategy.

But it took so much of me, it's almost like a 1-month-old infant! I needed to care for it before the Apollo gig at Grand Central Hotel, during iftar at Malaysian Hall, and for almost all of my remaining free time. It drained all the remaining bits of the finite attention that I still had.

My diary entry one week later read: wanna quit Travian.

So I got rid of my account.

I admit that it wasn't easy, but when God tells me to stop, I set in my head that it's best for me to obey.

By the way, as for today's story, I had a good time with Jie and Kelvin at Williamstown beach. Walked around a bit, enjoying the cool sea breeze, had the signature fish and chips, and made the sea gulls fight for our last piece of fries.

Earlier, in the lab, we re-probed last week's protein analysis membrane (Western blot), with puzzling results. I'm also glad to have helped Syarul with some cash supply.

The story goes on in the evening as I went to a place in the northern suburbs, interestingly called Lower Plenty. I'll save it up for tomorrow.

Picture credit: travian.com.au

Who First Gave? (14)

2009-11-22T22:02:00.007+11:00

Part VI. Abducens nerve

Don't hold things too tightly

I've already mentioned how I was blessed with a $15 per month rebate because someone decided to buy my mobile broadband modem. And how a researcher contacted me for a project where I was paid $37.50 per hour. Ooh, but that's not all.

Let's talk about food.

During the fasting month, plenty of iftar's (breaking fast at sunset) were held. I love the sweet baklava.
Our stage props team boss treated us to brunch one fine Saturday morning.
My archi friend treated me to some delicious cakes just before he left Aus.
Another archi friend treated me Vietnamese food in Richmond.
A 3rd archi friend treated me with lamb kebab. Tells you something about my archi friends, eh?
A friend (non-archi this time) treated me curry noodles. Nice.
Two free pizzas during Uni Open Day week (pooled 3 vouchers).
Free food in the GPCE (General Practitioners' Conference & Exhibition).

Apart from food:

My rent was supposed to go up by $100 per month. Then we found this place that's $30 cheaper. In effect, that's minus $130 monthly.
Cash rate recently went up by 0.50 points in 2 consecutive months. That means more income from my savings!
Very cheap flight tickets (KL > KK | KK > KL | KL > Melb). Only Melb > KL was a bit expensive. But that's in return for lab work experience!

And the invaluable:

Basically these are opportunities that come in an unpredictable manner. Like the visit to the RACS (Royal Australasian College of Surgeons), where I "did" laparoscopic (keyhole) surgery on a plastic model.
Staying with several housemates gave me access to Clinical Medicine (Kumar & Clark), Pathologic Basis of Disease (Robbins & Cotran) and Pharmacology (Rang & Dale).
Learning western blot, cell culture and ELISA at Howard Florey.

Hence I live out the life of giving. Time, money, energy and opportunity. Like KidShapers Conference, blood donation to Red Cross, Mei Ling's song, PlanetUni stage props team, and church guest services team.

For who first gave, if not him?

Picture credit: origins-photography.co.uk

The Excellent Life (15)

2009-11-22T02:24:00.010+11:00

Part V. Trigeminal nerve

NO₂ "NOS"

Oh, how easily we give up in life!
Like being lazy and not pushing myself when studying
And then
As though to make up for it
Act as if I'm studying all the time
Not talking to people
Confining myself
Not loving my friends
A life focussed on 'me' only

Hey, imagine if Jesus had said:
"I'm sick of living a holy life submitted to God."
"I gotta take a break."
"Father, I quit."

If that happened, then his blood would not have its power to redeem (to buy) us. We wouldn't have eternal life. In other words, I'm going to hell.

But Jesus didn't allow that to happen! Every moment in His life was a special moment, holy and acceptable to God. And because of that, we could once again connect to God as kids of one Daddy, and that brings so much more meaning to life.

Go Ask The One (16)

2009-11-22T01:18:00.010+11:00

Part IV. Trochlear nerve

Top Speed

This probably should have been posted 3 days ago...but I went out that night with 2 friends, had dinner, played Wii, had a very interesting conversation, etc. Flashback time: I was busy with involvements and activities around the 4th week of this sem, and at 11am on Monday, there was my MCQ test to start off the week. You know what I really love telling people? That despite all the hustle and bustle of life, your result comes out well and good. I got 9/10 and 5/6.

Back to the present: You know what I love even more? Telling people that it's really God doing His good work in and through me. How, and why does He do this? Well, when Jesus came as human, He began His countdown to your redemption and mine. His goal was the cross, because only His pure blood could cleanse the rebellion of humanity from a life sentence in hell. Think of the corollary: if Jesus walked out of God's will for His life, His blood would not be precious anymore. Just in case you think this could not happen, well, it actually could. It's all too easy to remember that Jesus is 100% God; but He's 100% man too!

He had the same basic needs as everyone else - food, shelter, clothing. We don't know how much stuff (things, or wealth) He had to start out with, but we do know what He did with what He had. While He had his human free will, He decided to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and He did only what His Father wanted. I guess He faced many temptations in life. So don't think you're alone! Think about your own life, in 1 day, how easy is it to fall or succumb to temptation? How easy is it for us to focus on things other than obeying what God is immediately saying to us? Think: if we're not focussed on God anymore, we won't carry out His will for our lives, because we won't hear His voice saying, "this is the way, walk in it". Yet Jesus lived every moment of his life thinking of God and obeying Him. He was tempted in every way, but He never sinned.

The devil comes only to kill, to steal, and to destroy, but Jesus comes so that we may have life, and life to the full. He probably went through a lot of exams as a Jewish student as well, so he went through every bit of stress we feel as students. So why not ask Him how He did it?

Dream of a child (17)

2009-11-19T23:11:00.008+11:00

Part III. Oculomotor nerve

Momentum

Back in primary school, we filled in forms with questionnaires like "Hobbies", "Ambition/Occupation", etc. For ambition, I've always put saintis, doktor, guru. Today I'll talk about the scientist part.

One cool thing about the Melbourne MBBS/BMedSc that I'm part of is its 1-year of AMS. You get to do in-depth research on a topic of your choice. Probably a bit like the EE in IB, but you get to write 10-12,000 words instead of 4,000.

I picked a lab-based research project under the unit Advanced Neuroscience, because the brain is so fascinating. Lab work can be a bit tedious and repetitive (as I discovered while learning how to prepare the gel for Western blot this morning), but I think someone's gotta do it. And I'm happy to be that someone. Brilliant inventions like iMacros only come after lots of tedious manual work filling in online forms. Online forms only come after lots of redundant paper form-filling. Paper printing only comes after lots of human hand-scribing. We could go on and on about this, but I hope you get the point. I'm positive that lab analytical techniques will be more sophisticated, automated, and time-saving in the future. In the mean time, let's make do with what we've got.

Have you noticed just how much of human activity (e.g. the inventions mentioned) is brain-dependent? That's why I think it's so awesome. At the same time it's so mysterious, because there are so many uncharted territories in brain research, both physiologically and pathologically. Just yesterday I met someone who's finding out about the role of estrogen in the brain. So how do I select what to look for? Because if I just do it randomly, then 99.9% of the time I'll probably find nothing. This is where Big Papa comes in. I believe that he will specifically tell me what to experiment on, how to do it, e.g. what substances, at what concentrations, to use. Also how much time and energy to spend on the specific experiment. I'll hear a voice behind me saying: "This is the way, walk in it." And when the time comes to present, he'll tell me how to report the findings and relate it to his leadership role.

Hence one of the tag words for me next year is "Discovery". It'll be supernatural.
MBBS/BMedSc=Bachelor of Medicine & Bachelor of Surgery & Bachelor of Medical Science
AMS=Advanced Medical Science | EE=Extended Essay | IB=International Baccalaureate

Full Wednesday (18)

2009-11-18T23:42:00.008+11:00

Part II. Optic nerve

Take the Turns

The tagline is meant to mean "focus". Like when you're taking an S-shaped turn on a racing track (hammerhead), take it smoothly while staying on the asphalt. For me, the racing target was the mid-semester exam on week 4.

To make things harder, the previous week's study material was the brainstem. BRAINSTEM. While I did make a good start by already knowing that CNVII (Cranial Nerve 7) is the facial nerve, and it has 5 terminal branches in the face, I didn't expect to learn its medial motor nuclei and the sensory nuclei on the sides! And there are 12 cranial nerves to learn, not just 1 or 2!

I don't know whether skipping the Wednesday lecture was a good idea. But what I was thinking then was, "I'll make up for it". But of course it wasn't for nothing that I skipped it. With Cheryl and Denise, I went out to one of the pizza places in the city.

After that was the trip to the church office at Surrey Hills to have a look at what we've got for the stage props, as Camp is coming up. So I took some photos of the stuff.

Back in the city again. I headed for the Med building common room, where we had practice for Apollo rock band. The Open Day performance is coming in less than 2 weeks.

I left the band early for Urban Life. That's how it's been lately; I'd go off at 6.30 for half of the practice sessions. And so far, it's working fine.

Sam and I went to the Archi building after UL. CSGD lecture 3.3 on the central control of the autonomic nervous system had to made up for.

It was a full Wednesday lasting from 9.00am to 3.30am.

Recollection v2 (19)

2009-11-17T19:16:00.011+11:00

Part I. Olfactory nerve

Perfect Launch

As I did last semester, I'll do a series of writings on this semester (4th out of total 12), as I wait for result day.

It begun on a high note. Last semester's astronomical result fuelled me to keep going with the momentum: pre-reading, PBL research, lectopia a week after, etc. Outside of the academic world, I was getting more involved in various stuff. There was RMIT orientation going on, and publicity for PlanetUni was kicking off. I remember seeing Wycliffe, Eunice and other OCF Melb City people. Also the magicians at the booth/table next to us. I was impressed; they're pretty good with cards.

That weekend was Beautiful Woman 2009 - goes without saying that God's presence was amazing. For me, it brings more meaning to the phrase: Lebih baik satu hari di pelataran-Mu, daripada seribu hari di tempat lain. I had Richard check my neuroanatomy notes as I recalled the different foramina in the skull and the cranial nerves going through them. Intense, eh?

Guest Services Team 3 was also becoming a family for me. That Sunday, at HiSense Arena, it was interesting to help out Juanita with the free bus rides. She said:

Boots, handbag -- church girls. It's a giveaway.
Don't feel embarrassed if they turn you down, you won't see them again; Melbourne's too big.

No doubt it was also a time of emotional stress for me. It's funny how easily you feel deeply attracted someone. Many of my June and August posts are about relationships.

Yet storms are there for you to grow stronger. The tests in life are meant to be passed. Don't give up just because you don't get it the first time around.

3 marks saved!

2009-11-11T01:06:00.004+11:00

(My blogging activity is coming back on)

The 100-MCQ paper was fine. I finished 30 min early (given time 2 hrs), and Papa told me, "I'm gonna show you some mistakes that you made". First I checked the answer sheet. I found that I marked 2 answers on question 98, and didn't answer 99. Haha. Next I checked the answer sheet and the question sheet. For question 58, I circled "C" on the question paper but shaded "D" in the answer sheet. Amazing God. Then I started going through a few of the questions, especially those "easy, obvious, 30-second" questions. Question #34 (around there), I picked B. I read it again, and realised my mistake. It's meant to be "right hand", not "left hand". It's funny because in anatomy, "right" is normally patient's right (facing me), so it's on my left. I think that made me confused. So there, 3 marks saved!

Humans vs Chimps

2009-11-10T18:04:00.004+11:00

So you've got a photographic memory?

Hah! I finally beat the freakin' 8/10 average (OK, so I had some practice).

To be honest, I was surprised that chimps could be trained to do this working memory task. But no, it does not make chimps any smarter than us. Working memory is just one of the brain's many functions.

Try it out. It's not as easy as it seems.

If you're stumped, I have a tip to improve your score.
Sit further from the screen.

Intelligence

2009-11-10T14:56:00.006+11:00

Is more than your IQ score.
Something inspiring from Tony Buzan

According to Buzan, there are ten measures of intelligence: creative, verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, visual/spatial, musical/rhythmic, physical, social, intrapersonal/interpersonal, spiritual and sexual. And there is currently no test that could measure all kinds of intelligence, as Buzan demonstrates with an example:

A young girl took the standard IQ test, where she had to cross out the odd one of the following: a piece of coal, a coal mine, a daffodil and a fireplace.

She crossed out the fireplace.

When asked why she had picked the wrong – according to the test – answer, she replied. “Well, I know that I probably should have crossed out the daffodil, but I thought the picture was so pretty, I didn’t want to destroy it.”

“Here, the girl scored poorly on that question, when, in fact, she showed great naturalist and esthetic intelligence AND she knew the right answer as well,” Buzan says. “Surely you can play the piano with two fingers, but it gets really beautiful, when you play it with all ten.”

Beautiful, isn't it?

Why limit your creativity by obsolete man-made rules?

Original article here.
Picture credit: media.us.macmillan.com

Digging stuff

2009-10-30T05:37:00.002+11:00

On a philosophical note

Ever experienced a time that seems so silent in life - just another simple, repetitive routine - that you're not anticipating anything soon? Like digging without finding anything?

Imagine, suddenly you start hitting something. Eh? Have you been afraid of what people say to you? Hmmm. Have you limited your dreams and ambitions to just replace people - i.e. becoming what someone has already become? There are already plenty of brain surgeons in the world. Mmmm. On the road with friends, would you rather let go of the accelerator, or keep a steady foot to pace them up?

I think everyone likes "Aha!" moments. I do anyway. But I also realise that some people are afraid of them, because they're costly. Moments like these come like revelation to us, and with each one of them we're challenged to rise and step up. It's a choice though. And the question is, what choice would you make?

So many stuff have been dug out of me. It's not by myself, honestly. All credits to Mr Digger.

Now time to work with this newfound treasure.

Picture: magickeys.com

Sem4

2009-10-16T00:18:00.007+11:00

Looking back

Perfect launch
Take the turns [focus]
Top speed
Pit stops, not sleeping bunny!
I see the light [at the end]
Don't give up

Earlier this semester I wrote down a few "motivational taglines" to be spaced out in my diary, throughout the semester, for me to reflect upon just when the fuel/power level is going down.

You can probably guess, the first few are inspired by Need for Speed Carbon.

And though things aren't as smooth as I expected when I started out, I'm believing that great things will happen.

Yeah!

Picture credit: img.hexus.net

Which way is it?

2009-10-06T00:36:00.005+11:00

A contemplation.

My MARA scholarship to study Medicine in Melbourne.

Is it God's blessing, or just a reward for my effort? Does God have to come into the picture, do I have to attribute it to Him? Can't it happen without His intervention? Or maybe...could it be a combination of both His blessing and my effort?

I applied for MARA instead of JPA.

MARA means: no 10-year contract at home, just a generously discounted payment, and the choice of Melbourne Uni. What about JPA? Apart from the contract, it would probably mean no choice of destination (UK/Ire/Aus/NZ). Here's what happened when I filled in the online form: I put JPA, tried printing it, but the official stamp was not there. I changed to MARA a few days later, and then it printed correctly. If I did not change it (can change it max 3X), it would not have gone through. Again, the question is, was it God or just me? Could any Form 5 leaver have done this without divine guidance?

The vision of triple-H1's (by credit points) came true. So did the double H1's.

It's not exactly how you would predict it; but then again I've realised that God surprises me a lot. In 1st Sem '08, I saw the triple-H1 vision. It came through when I got eighty percent for NDM in 2nd Sem. To complicate matters, during 2nd Sem, I had gotten another vision of double H1's (meaning worth straight 4 H1's for us meds). So the double H1's did not come to pass in 2nd Sem. But guess what my 3rd Sem '09 result was? *Wink* Question: Was it really God who came through to seem as if He's fulfilling what He showed to me? Or did I do it within my human capacity? Now I can't say that I generated the vision on my own. Because, for goodness' sake, I wanted 4 H1's in 2nd Sem, not just 3! But I saw 3! I can't help it, but this is a real testimony for my faith - a miracle.

A Sign

2009-10-04T00:24:00.004+10:00

.....

God told me very directly: Don’t treat her any different from your other friends. In my case, that’s the best possible advice. I’ll tell you why: I like her so much, it’s almost as if she’s the only girl that matters to me now. But I don’t know whether she likes me or not. Let’s say she does not. Then the best thing for me to do is obey God and do as He says, so that our friendship does not turn into an awkward experience. But what if she likes me too? Well, thing is, with mutual liking (“we love one another”), is that enough reason to get together? I seriously think that we should only get together if God obviously tells us to. Until then, I’m not treating her any different. There’s one more complication: To be honest, I am having 2nd thoughts. Do I really like her, or is this just infatuation / lust? I better not blindly follow my instincts only to end up breaking her heart and mine (and God’s). Even if I do really like her, I actually ought to set her free on whatever course God has planned for her, instead of being ultra-possessive about her. So in all cases, it goes back to following God’s advice. God, You’re the best!

.....

Say it out

2009-09-30T01:47:00.006+10:00

"I'm thankful"

Thankful for the pizza lunch at SWOT today (voluntary tutoring).

Thankful for the conversations with lots of people:

-Alex (5th year med)

-my roommate (DotA)

-Athirah, Adibah & Syaira

-Nielson the carpark guard

-Janice, John & Cassandra

Thankful for friends' birthdays.

Thankful for the energy to keep going for more.

Thankful for the opportunity to actually live out a life like this.

Break week

2009-09-25T14:37:00.002+10:00

Enjoy this nice little piece of art:

From: booksummit.com

No classes for the next 9 days

Oh, how good!

What I love about medicine

2009-09-23T02:42:00.004+10:00

Wanna know what they are?

The mental challenge, definitely. Memorizing 200+ bones, 600+ muscles, and countless hormones, cytokines and drugs (medicines). And if there's something wrong with the body parts, they change their name immediately. A normal backbone is also called the vertebra - if it gets inflamed, it's called spondylosis; if it gets fractured, that's spondylolysis. To be honest, I got confused and looked this up on Wikipedia just to get it right.

The relationships that you're exposed to is wonderful. At least 300 are in the same year in the course, which means that there are always new things to discover by talking to my fellow coursemates. Everyone's different, e.g. one of my prac buddies performs in a circus over the break next week, and things like these spice up my life.

The learning opportunities are diverse. I've found that textbooks are not the only source of knowledge. Throughout these 3.5 semesters, I've learned a great deal from PBL mates, doctors who teach ICM, and even patients. This morning, Dr Ross told our group about an interesting case of a woman with shoulder pain. Guess what was causing it? An ectopic pregnancy, causing fluid build up beneath her diaphragm, which then stimulated her phrenic nerve, so the pain was referred to her shoulder.

I'll be a bit biased to Melbourne Uni for a while now. I love the 16-hour average weekly contact time. How much freedom! That's the way it's meant to be anyway, because doctors (I think) gotta be very good at managing themselves, whether it's learning, working, socialising, etc.

Can't thank God enough for bringing me here to spend my student days. I'm not exactly sure why I'm here, but I guess it's to see people look to Him and get healed.

And Dinesh, thanks for this photo!

Unload

2009-09-20T00:00:00.006+10:00

So many things...
Taking them down from brain to blog.

I called this "my cramming week". We had a few Genetics lectures.

Mon

Bring food for PBL
Bring modem for Andrew my customer!
Paid credit card - 740 dollars
Cook for housemates

Tue

Rang 4 people, 2 picked up
Stalked a friend who was doing her assignment in the Law library
Folded spring rolls (popia)
Iftar@Hamzah's place

Wed

Paid gas - 102.33
Praise & worship practice@South Lawn
Rock band practice
Urban life! =)

Thu

Wrote some parts of "Devotion", a friend's birthday song
Chat with Kevin, during Genetics prac
Dementia talk@Sunderland (first 25min)
UMIS Iftar@Graduate House
24/7 Prayer

Fri

Looked at the CareerFAQ books@Baldwin Spencer
Chat with Brian (pre-PBL)
Math Olympics (thanks to Winus)
Saw Dr Tim (my left tinnitus since 1 week ago) - maybe due to loud music in Camp and Pub Night
Cheryl's birthday (supposed) surprise

Sat

Lunch with Stage Props Team (thanks Adrian!)
Up to today, finished 15 lectures (7.1-5, 8.1-5, 9.1-5)

Next: more cramming, for Monday. Really wanna get H1 this time.

Picture credit: nia.nih.gov

Singing in the Park

2009-09-11T00:53:00.004+10:00

Drops of Jupiter

It took me a while to time that camera flash right. Note the surprised facial expression.

Taken during the birthday party for our 4 dear girl friends. We had it just off Lygon Street.

I secretly love the vocals during "One without a permanent scar" (0:02), and "Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day" (0:54).

Thanks to Shafiq Ajmal for suggesting that I sing this song.
Thanks to Syafiq Nassir for the video.

Busy & occupied

2009-09-08T02:53:00.002+10:00

Ahh, the life

Reminds me of the times in SM La Salle when I told Dad that I'd "stay back" (after class) in school on most days. It could be sports training, marching practice, some meetings, or just studying with friends.

This week and the next few coming up are just so full of stuff, I can't afford to let my precious seconds drop to the ground uninvested. They must be used to the full.

Tue - Brian's birthday dinner

Wed - rock band practice + sleep research

Fri - band performance, Underground II

Sun - Super Sunday at church!

Mon - my cramming week begins; Careworkers discipleship night

Wed - HP3 tute, UL

Thu - Dementia public lecture

Mon - test day

I wanna see my test score skyrocket. Haha.

What kind of relationship...

2009-09-01T23:52:00.011+10:00

...are you in?

e.g.

1x 2hrs/wk
2x 2hrs/wk
3x, 4x, 5x

---Long-form---

That's my shorthand way of asking: How much does your life and his/hers overlap? Take a look at the numbers above again. How much time do you spend together? One of our neuroscience lecturers recently spoke about "The Social Brain" (CSGD 6.2), where he posed the question: What does our big brain do?

Our lecture notes read:

Social "gossip"
Maintain families, act in society
Organise into groups - esp. inter-group trade for mutual advantage

I wanna talk about the 2nd one. I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and started asking some questions like, How much time and energy am I willing to spend with her? What about her, how willing is she? What are we going to talk about? I know that we'll basically talk about almost everything, but what are the most important things we are going to share? Because on this side of life, time is not infinite.

I've been observing people in intimate relationships as well; boyfriends and girlfriends, fiancé and fiancée, husband and wife, father and mother. What defines a relationship? It's gotta be more than just what you do on the outside, no? Like, Mom and I held hands - expression of intimacy - as we walked around the park last summer. Guess what, even if we didn't hold hands, we're still mother and child! It's not just the physical act!

Back to me and her. Where are we heading? What is it in me that she brings out to fruition (and also in her), that couldn't be so without either one of us? In essence, what part of me does she complete, and what part of her do I complete?

Symbol Credits: dragonartz.wordpress.com

Obedience

2009-08-31T20:59:00.006+10:00

...And you know what?

I'm gonna stop "relying"/"falling back" on my intelligence as my identity (think: smart-ass med student).

My academic performance does not define who I am.

My Creator does.

More, I'm not obsessed any longer about which field to delve into (BioChem, Anatomy, Pathology, Pharmacology, Neuroscience) - which basket to put my eggs in.

It's not all about "striking the lucky numbers" and making instant fame out of it.

Imagine winning the Nobel Prize - instant fame, right?

Instead, I'll just follow what God has put in my heart & head.

My dreams and passions.

Because when I do what He has commanded/"willed" me to do, then that's the biggest thing that I could be doing.

For He desires obedience more than sacrifice.

Budak budak

2009-08-25T13:49:00.003+10:00

How awesome is the mind of the child

From a page at the University of California, Berkeley website:

"It is remarkable how much little children know and how much they learn in a short time," said Alison Gopnik, a professor of psychology.

"If you combine the psychological and neurological evidence, it is hard to avoid concluding that babies are just plain smarter than we are, at least if being smart means being able to learn something new."

Don't you agree that sometimes we - "grown-ups" - are too mature in our own sight? Too wise?

Guess what the problem with that is? We don't learn anything new! And to me, that's the worst form of self-punishment possible. Because in effect, I'm telling myself, "This is it. I've reached the end. It's as good as it gets." So my pitiful brain faces an ongoing conflict: The forward-directed curiosity that it's designed with is crippled by the mental lid that I myself put on it.

That's sad. Tula sia inda kisah jadi macam budak-budak, "childlike".

To be thankful for

2009-08-24T17:56:00.003+10:00

The blessedness of giving

Two things I'd like to mention

That I'm really thankful for:

1. I got a customer for my broadband modem

2. The researcher contacted me for paid participation

Just when you think

All the finance is being drained out of you

Well, remember the Faithful One

Who never-leaves-nor-forsakes

Oh, how I give you thanks!

Now, I'd like to add that

This didn't come without challenge

A friend asked for help with payment

And my other friends keep asking:

Why on earth give?

Why give all the way to Uganda?
Why give to humanitarian aid?
Why give to Uni Student Appeal?

You know why?

Because there's something to be thankful for

Small things

Big things

All things

Picture credits: sonjatierney.com

Cuci Mata

2009-08-22T15:42:00.005+10:00

One of the revision questions for Eye & Vision.

Patient: "I'm always tripping over things with my right foot."

"Probably because you have a lower right homonymous quadrantanopia."

∴There could be a lesion in the left calcarine sulcus, upper bank.

Thanks to Erica Fletcher & Andrew Tan

The Mark

2009-08-22T00:59:00.004+10:00

People pick it up (Yes, they do)
Just listened to a brain surgeon telling stories of his journey in his learning and training.

One interesting message that he got across is:
It's more than just what you say. It's what you do.
What's more, it's what you do with passion and commitment.

It might be the few extra hours that you put in every day.

Might be the few extra people/patients that you'd take the time to talk to.

Might be the extra spare that you could have spent on yourself, but chose instead to give to others.

Whatever it is, if you know it, then keep doing it.

Because people pick it up.

The mark of passion, commitment, dedication.

p/s: Just today I feel really thankful to be alive,

for it means to be appreciated for the deeds that

you take the trouble to carry out. For the seed that

you sow.

I've always been fond of teaching, as in, sharing

knowledge with my friends so that they can pick up

things like math, science, etc. And today in Anatomy prac

a fellow student said to me: You're a good tutor.

For my PBL tute feedback, my tutor generally

gave me very positive, encouraging feedback, ("You've

been the best board scribe") and I saw him tick all the

nicest boxes in his checklist.

God, I'm so happy to live, I don't even know how to write it out!