For a Lifetime

I believe in the hidden value of the waiting period.
I hate romance break-ups.
I don't want to initiate something only to break up later.

So far my ~15-year relationship with God hasn't been broken up, and I believe that it never will be. For I choose not to break up.

That's why I wait on Him, my Heaven Dad, to show me the right girl. Because I believe that right now the right girl is also waiting on God, never breaking up with Him.

When God finally brings us together, I know it'll be for a lifetime, because it begins with our personal relationship with Him, which itself is for a lifetime.

Picture credit: ruggedgrace

Thankful

Thankful for today

It could have gone wrong. My alarm woke me at 5.30am, but I went back to sleep and only got up at 7am. There goes my plan to get the free early bird train ride - I had to pay $5.50 instead. That's not a perfect launch.

But 14 hours' worth of wisdom later, I can't help but be thankful as I look back on the day. Our consultant paediatrician was happy with my case presentation during the PBL tute. That was an imaginary case of a boy with poorly controlled asthma. Our senior registrar was also very happy with my case presentation as I shadowed her until 8pm. This was a real case of a boy with acute bronchiolitis. Thank God for these opportunities!

And I could take for granted the rest of the learning experiences today - tutes with 2 consultants on genetics and a case of possible lung abscess, and my first time seeing forceps delivery - but I choose to be thankful. To God. Bad starts don't mean bad endings. In the end, it all went all right.



Picture credit: faithcenter.files.wordpress.com

Road Trip

What a manly thing to do

I've been hunting for manly things to do ever since picking up Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. In the book, he mentions the 3 deepest desires in every man:

• to fight a battle
• to rescue a Beauty
• to live out an adventure

While I've needed to transform the first 2 into more practical metaphors - e.g. fighting a spiritual battle against immorality, injustice and laziness, and being chivalrous to all beauties until I find my own Beauty - the 3rd one is still attainable in its pure form. Like in a road trip.

Armed with only a tome of maps, driving for 2 hours straight and carrying 3 other lives in the vehicle definitely feels like a manly thing to do. The road on the Victorian South West is wide open, and even driving at the speed limit of 100 km/h won't get you to the end quickly enough. Wait, is there even an end?

Once, we decided to drive along a "45-minute road loop" around the mountains. The 2-way road was only wide enough for one car at a time. The road divided a few times. But signposts were rare. Worst, we didn't see any mountains. The thought that we were lost haunted me as the man behind the wheel. The question was: Where are you on the map, and how on earth do you go around the planned loop? It was getting dark, and as a local resident said, "You really don't want to leave your car around this time; there's too much wildlife." That, is adventure. And it feels manly.

Back at the lodge that night, it started to get cold. The fireplace near the corner inside the cottage seemed eager to be utilised. I summoned my masculinity, collected some firewood from outside, threw them into the fireplace and lit the flame. Soon the entire house was warmed up. The fact that the wood were neatly supplied in a box, all chopped and ready to go probably made the job so much easier. But it was still a very manly thing to do.

I must thank my housemate for this rare opportunity to explore the wild outdoors. And also the wild heart in me.

Picture credit: maristmessenger.co.nz

For You

Hopefully what I write will be a pool of encouragement in future times as you reminisce your walk with your one and only God, Creski.

[A phrase came to me - One Lad's Walk with God]

All that I do,

I do it for You, God

Now I'm imagining it;

Wouldn't that be amazing?

That means that-

When I cook, it is for You

When I do the dishes, it is for You

When I sing, it is for none other than You

Jogging, it's for You

Lifting weights, it's for You

Incline push ups, it's for You

Studying - for You

Clerking patients - for You

Engaging during tutes - for You

Quiet times are for You

Exciting times are for You

Down times are for You

God, my all is for You

For You are The One who gave all to me in the first place

I trust in You with all my heart

And lean not on my own understanding

In all my ways, I acknowledge You

And I believe You will keep my path straight

Home

What's good about being home

• No rent. Bills are on my parents, not me. And I get pocket money :)
  
• Bulih cakap Sabah. Everyday. Feels so 'at home' with this communication mode.
• Get to be with old friends. Friends get older as friendships get older. And there's a difference between being with them and just talking or fb-ing with them.
  

And the things that are not so good:

• slower pace of things - this happens everywhere, from organisational red tape to everyday conversations.
• no deadline, resulting in things staying undone, videos unwatched, books unread, clothes unwashed, etc. I'm lazing around [no wonder people always remind me before holidays, "Don't slack"]
  
• I being influenced by the patterns here, rather than influencing them to change for the better. Got to regain my positive morning habits.
  

More next time.
To be honest this is just to fill in a post for this month.

Class at Night

Oh boy, I'm excited!

It's kinda weird to be excited about class, isn't it? But what if it's a course called Introduction to the Bible? Now it gets me pumped because it's a formal educational engagement on a text that I've been reading almost every day since primary school.

I've probably memorised hundreds of verses from this book (I should try writing all my memorised verses sometime--an interesting mental exercise). If you mention something like "eye for an eye, tooth for tooth", then I can tell you that it can be found somewhere in the first 5 books (Old Testament), and also early in Matthew (New Testament). I'd recognise stories like Jacob seeing angels moving up and down staircases (Genesis), Moses hitting the rock to pour out water (Numbers?), Joshua commanding the sun and moon to be still (Joshua), Gideon asking for a sign from God (Judges), David's wife being barren (2 Samuel), and Solomon having 700 wives + 300 concubines (1 Kings). It's because I've repeatedly read, re-read and heard them, that's why they stick inside my long-term memory.

I guess the fact that I'm doing this out of interest and passion (versus mere obligation) - remember I didn't have to do this - fuels the fire even more.

Gosh, I'm pumped for this! May my mental faculties glorify the Giver of all abilities.


Credits:
eleenakorban.files.wordpress.com
planetshakers.com

2011

My verse of the year

My life is not my own, but Yours and Yours alone.

Guess what, I searched it up online and found this.

Discovery

Here's a little pat on the back for those of you in the research world

The joy of research

A colleague summed up the way many researchers feel about their profession. When asked why he spent so many hours in the lab, he noted that the alternatives were to go home, where he would do the same things that millions of others were doing, or to work in his lab, where he could discover things that no other human had ever discovered. The smile on his face told the story: for him, working on research was sheer joy.

Credits: cs.purdue.edu

Moving Forward

No turning back

It's been more than 130 days
Every now and then you surface again
At times I'm weak - in a haze
But I'm breaking the curse of porn on men

God said, 'You shall not commit adultery'
I believe it includes fornication and masturbation
For He also said
If you look at a woman to lust for her,
Then you have already committed adultery with her in your heart

Yet so many people live to follow their physical desires
It begs the question, why is God's standard so high?
What's wrong with a one-night stand?
Or a sexual movie every other day?
Or nude pictures?

But you can't say that our bodies
Were made for sexual immorality
They were made for the Lord
And the Lord cares about our bodies

My belief is that
If we are to live the Spirit-filled, Spirit-led life
Then we must be holy
Just as our Father is holy
Otherwise He will not fill us
Because He can't

Letting our sinful nature control our mind
Leads to death
But letting the Spirit control our mind
Leads to life and peace

Here I am
Choosing life, not death
Believing that He will give life to my mortal body
By His Spirit who lives within me
Though temptations may come
I choose not to sin
I'll be delivered
From evil

I'm not turning back



Picture credit: PbArtWorks
Scripture: Ex. 20:14--Matt. 5:28--1 Cor. 6:13--Matt. 5:48--Rom. 8:6--Rom. 8:11

Access

Right, I'll be quick on this one--AMS Figures need some work

Too many people complain too often about not receiving their rights. They are entitled to this, they say, and that, and that, and... "I deserve better pay, better treatment, better packages, etc." If you think I'm criticising certain ungrateful attitudes and behaviours in people, you're spot on correct.

You see, if we imagine the situation objectively, put it out on the table, and turn our eyes to look from a different angle, it's not hard to appreciate the comforts that are already there in life. In the mornings I wake up thanking my Father who has given me the opportunity to reside overseas as I pursue university education. This is beyond the reach of my parents' wallet, yet God proves to supply all my needs according to His riches in glory. I got a million-ringgit scholarship with no bond. I'm given a 3-way access - to a first-world country, to finances, and to Medicine, a field people are dying to get into. It's of course easy to take things for granted - but I really wish I say my word of utter thanks each and every day that I live.

Scientist. That's one of the words I wrote under the heading "Occupation/Ambition" when I was 9 to 12 years old. And 10 years on, I'm now in a research lab that drives discoveries on the human nervous system. Some might take the pessimistic stance and say that research is full of boredom - you know, waiting for incubations, dead cells, failed experiments, disproved hypotheses, negative findings - but in this I beg to differ. As much as I hate these challenges, I take pleasure when they happen because it's telling me a road not to take. Truth is a pinnacle. That's why it's so difficult. It takes ages to establish one. In the mean time, why don't we lab people talk a little bit more about family, vision in life, and views on God?

Can't thank Him enough for this level of access I'm given.

In the not-so-distant future

3 years down, 3 to go.

It's actually hard to believe that I'll graduate in Medicine, Surgery and Medical Science in 3 years' time. Whenever people ask me, "Which year are you in?", the next question is always "So how long is the course?" And they get a shock when I tell them that it's six years. Some think that the 6th year is the internship year where you're already working as a fresh graduate - but no, that's the 7th year.

Even though 3 years is equal to the full length of a university degree (like Commerce, Science, Arts, etc) - meaning it's still a long way before me - I tend to see it as something that I've been through. Three years down, 3 to go. I've been in uni for 3 years, so another 3 years wouldn't hurt as much, because I've lived through it. But deep down I know it's going to be very different - moving to a northern suburb called Epping, having a 9-5 schedule Mondays to Fridays, talking with patients to learn both the characteristics of the disease and of the individual suffering from it, etc. I might move again to another suburb in 5th and 6th year, depending on placements. But that will come in its own time.

I know for sure that it will be a time of exciting adventure. A wild dream of a child who grew up in Kota Kinabalu, was educated in a regular daily boy's high school, played role-playing games like Diablo and Ragnarok Online... is unfolding into reality.

God, this is awesome.

Picture credit: teddymill.co.uk

iNFO

More on studying medicine in Melbourne

The 6-year undergraduate, 'PBL model' double-degree MBBS/BMedSc took in their first students in 1999. Semesters 1-5 are uni-based, focussing on pre-clinical education. Sem 6-7 is the research year. Sem 8-12 are clinical placements in hospitals (divided into 15 different rotations). Graduates may skip Sem 1, 6 and 7, making it a 4.5-year degree. The last intake for undergraduates was in 2008, for graduates in 2009.

The course prior to this (also 6 years, MBBS) was probably 'traditional', with pre-clinicals that emphasise lectures, not tutorials, and more of hard biomedical knowledge than of soft clinical skills. I only know nerdy stuff about the course: past papers are available online, and top scorers get their names inscribed on a wooden hall of fame on level 2 of the medical building.

The new 4-year graduate entry, Melbourne-model MD will commence in 2011, graduating their first batch in 2014. The 1-year pre-clinical phase seems like a heavier version of the PBL model (5 semesters condensed into 2) - 12 hours of lectures every week, 18 weeks per semester. Examination is at the end of the year.

Questions/corrections are welcome.

Also: Interesting article on the history of medical education in The University of Melbourne.

Mimpi

Di rumah lama

Kau mau tau apa mimpi saya semalam?
Saya di rumah lama
Di Taman Oriental
Sama si Peta
Sama si Niji

Si Peta kasi makan Niji apple
Saya bilang, "Eh, Niji buli makan apple kah?"
Peta bilang buli

Terus saya pigi di depan, dekat gate
Di atas itu tiang pagar kuning
Ada banyak apple nih
Sudah kena makan, tinggal kulit lagi
Tapi bentuk masih macam apple
Hairan
Selalu apple core yang orang kasi tinggal
Ini kulit pula
Ada buku, magazine sama surat juga
Macam junk mail
Semua di atas itu tiang
Bukan dalam mailbox
Saya pun pikir:
Kenapa ini sampah
tidak kena gantung di atas pagar?

Masa naik tu tiang
Saya nampak neighbours lain juga
Di seberang jalan
Diurang cakap Cina
Saya tidak faham

Saya mimpi jumpa si Az juga
Tapi ini di tempat lain
Dia tinggal dalam townhouse
Backyard dia besar
Saya masuk dalam dapur, gelap nih
Ada meja bulat sama stool
Macam di kampung pula
Di Soborong


Bila saya bangun, pukul 12 sudah

Aimless and...

Tired...

Felt a bit of "accomplishment" after tutoring, but more of "aimlessness". Getting paid to do what I like is a wonderful thing, although I'm sure there's a bigger purpose in life than just making money.

Maybe it's an attack from the enemy to discourage me; much like Elijah being attacked with intimidation straight after the public victory at Mount Carmel. Maybe; I don't know.

What I know is that I won't give up hope in life. No, I won't quit.

Letting go

Are you prepared?

So what was the real motive you had? Was it just to make easy bucks out of someone who needs help with what you excel at? How hard can revising Sem 2 and 3 be? And how many people do you know can generate that much per hour?

*Thinking and wrinkling*

Or if that is no longer your real motive, then what is? Tell me, what is it that you really want from this job? Is it to get paid to help? Help to empower? Empower to help others? Heck, are you really praying that this person you're helping will pass with flying colours, with heightened capacity to care for the health of sick, suffering people?

And the financial reward, do you really wait on The One before even spending 5 cents from it? To give to the person who needs it so much more than you?

And are you letting go of your grip, ~3 weeks before the scheduled moment? No more holding too tightly? To hand it to the one this job is meant to be for?

Isn't that too unselfish (all those actions)? Wouldn't God be the only source of such selfless love?

Bonus pic: Heart shape from ice.

Picture credit: boardhost.com (Sue She)

Dapat kerja

Now this is a post that I write just so that there is something in each month (now September)

I just got a job last week. A nursing student needed a private tutor for Anatomy and Physiology. I've been searching for jobs on Careers Online since mid-July (2 months ago), hoping for a job to occupy me this semester. Talking with the carpark attendants also enlightened me on job opportunities; for a moment I was considering work as a waiter in a hotel (5 star). Well, what was available was not a waitering position, but a kitchen hand. I figured that a more interactive job like a waiter would be more valuable in my CV, so I put off the kitchen hand for a while. In my institute's intro pack, it was suggested that tutoring is another potential form of work that is value-adding. I mentioned it to a friend, and he said it's also good financially because it is cash-in-hand. And then this job appeared on the web. I emailed the person, thinking that I was too late. But I wasn't, so I got the job. Thank God!

It's been a big turn-around since the last couple of months. Just read at my posts and you'll see the financial struggles that burdened me. But I wasn't like a stranded vagabond in a far away land with nothing to eat and wear, because God's provision (especially food) still flowed during that time. I just can't thank God enough!

It actually was a strange feeling when I got my first pay (in cash!). Satisfying...fulfilling...almost triumphant. For a moment my motive was kicked to the side - off from the main target which is to help someone so that this person can help others.

But that's for the next post.

Money

Yet another (potential) worry

I expected my allowance to come on Thursday. Well, normally it would arrive on the next day because it's an international transfer from my sponsor, probably made at 12.00am on Thursday. Midnight in KL would be 2 or 3am in Melb, so it would appear on Friday when I check my online account.

A bit of background on what's happening: I had run out of money since Monday- almost all of it. One of my accounts has $15. Three others have $5 each, so that's $30 left. I'm awaiting for payment from 2 other people, bringing my net current asset to $115. This is my broke-est week in Melbourne so far!

But it wasn't there yet on Friday. Nor on Saturday. Now it's Sunday, and still isn't there. It's frustrating, and I feel like grumbling to my sponsor. But my Father owns my sponsoring agency/council, and I would be grumbling to Him. Is that the right thing to do?

Today I woke up with the thought that His Word prevails in spite of my feelings. Though I might feel broke, I actually really am not, because God owns everything, especially the things I need.

I opened Philippians chapter 4, verse 19 (NKJV, NLT and AMP), and this is what I find:

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Ha! I'm dictated by God's Word, and not by my (sometimes dire) circumstances. This is another opportunity to see Him come through. I won't worry, God. Because I know Your perfect, unchanging character.

Picture credit: ireward.com.au

Worry

Why should I worry?

Have you ever had thoughts like, "Was it because I didn't talk to her enough? Did I miss doing this, or that?"

I have. And just now, God instantly prompted a response in my heart. He said, "Don't worry too much about that. Take each day one at a time." Reminds me of a verse in Matthew chapter 6.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

So what was it that worried me? Oh, a lot:
+personal spiritual growth
+my gifts and talents
+the fruitfulness of my AMS (God promised discovery)
+academic pursuits (revising Sem 1-5, reading up brain cancer & surgery)
+volunteering (Sacred Heart Mission, iftar, church Guest Services team)
+a recent eBay purchase
+money (plus giving & maybe work) etc.

If we go back 1 verse from the passage:

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

What things (all these things)?

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

So there it is - the very things that were worrying me. Perhaps I'm influenced by this "efficiency" or "productivity" paradigm that dominates this era. Nothing wrong with them on their own - they are neutral and are only a measure of output. But elevating output (or its measurement) to a God status is contrary to God's Word. We must not idolise output.

Want a personal example? So let's say I want to be a brain surgeon. I need high marks during my bachelor's medical degree to get into the college of surgeons, because the colleges want people with higher marks. Other than exams, I also get marks for the interview and for my CV. I only get to start college training as a surgeon after 1 year of internship (sometimes later). So that's 4.5 years away; what do I do in the mean time? Going by pure human logic, I should get all the marks now - or prepare for them. Therefore study for the exams. Get involved in recognised activities. Practise for the interview. Get along with people, find out what they are thinking of their future, and note how they communicate it to others. My schedule should fill up to increase productivity. See what I mean by "efficiency" paradigm?

Now let's say that I miss something that I planned to do (just like the intro). The time is wasted and my productivity drops. If this gets me worried, then it demands refocussing on the bigger picture. That is, I should focus on my aspiration to serve humanity in the medical field. Even bigger than that picture is God, because He is the originator of all humanity.

God pointed out to me that He's the one who causes things to happen. He asked, "Did you see the donation for Student Appeal coming? Or that it was coming the way it did?" My honest answer: No. The lecturer walked up to me; I did not even have to smile, or look at him in the eye, or motion to him (tactics to pick up a conversation). And he gave an amount that will be doubled because the university would match that donation. I did not see it coming; God surprised me today.

So why should I worry?

Quotes from Day 50-52.

50. Your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever your turn to the right or the left.
51. Let the River of God flow. Don't be a marsh or a swamp. Who are you pouring into?
52. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men.

The provider

Do you know him?

More testimonies that God is my provider:

+ fried noodles from Mara (gave/brought my tithes to church this week)
+ potluck at a friend's birthday party
3.95 the discount I received on a $12.95 power adapter (1 hour before that I gave $1 to a beggar on the street)
3.00 orange juice from a friend
+ sandwiches (leftovers) from a board meeting
+ muffins and juice from BW
+ uncle belanja at Pacific House

God keeps giving something every week, for the past 6 consecutive weeks. The provision might go through different people (remember how God delivered meat to Elijah via ravens?), but the provider, ultimately, is God. This is so fun!

Bring it on, Your love and favour
Pour it out till it runs over

Quotes from Day 43-49.

43. My mom and dad set the parameters for my blessing and my breakthrough.
44. Favour is all about the impossibility of man and the possibilities of God.
45. Speak it out. Have a faith confession.
46. Sometimes I wonder, what's a testimony for? Is it about the testifier or the one being testified about?
47. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle, and willing to yield to others.
48. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. Perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted, but not forsaken. Struck down, but not destroyed.
49. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Just pleasing people is a prison. It's dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you.


Picture credit: Texico Conference

More quotes

From memory to diary.

Went to Ipin's place last night to meet with Wan. Shared the fried rice and pasta, and had some cheesecake. Also some 36 kg-bench presses. Crashed there for the night, and had almost 8 hours of slumber.

Had a full day in the lab today, doing ammonium sulphate fractionation, repeated 9 times from 0% to 80%. Couldn't help out PlanetUni booth at Union House. How on earth did I have time to pass the food to Cheryl?

Quotes from Day 36-42.

36. Handle. offence. correctly.
37. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
38. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works.
39. "You spoke so clearly to me."
40. Are you trying to please people, or God?
41. You never know what will happen during that routine, regular thing that you do.
42. The righteousness of grace exceeds the righteousness of the law.