The Shield of Faith

...at the risk of living in denial...

We're called to walk by faith, not by sight. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen; it is impossible to please God without it.

If you already know that you're called to study in university, then you need not worry, year after year, whether it is the correct decision or not. If you already know that you're destined for excellence, then why doubt?

The purpose of a testimony is to bear witness to the one being testified. In the case of testifying of God, it is to declare His works and character. He has specifically fulfilled the end-of-secondary-school-exam-result that He promised to me. And He repeated it again in the 2nd and 3rd semester of my medical course. For one thing, I found that God fulfills His word. He also never changes. Therefore, He will always fulfill His word.

But maybe not in our timing, and not the way that we understand it. Why didn't R get healed when I prayed for him? I don't know. What I do know is, I'm meant to walk by faith, bringing heaven's kingdom to earth, declaring that just as there is no sickness in heaven, so there shall be no sickness here on earth. So what if He hasn't fulfilled His promise of letting me be in charge of 5-digit money figures? He's still my provider. There is no lack and no poverty in heaven, so there shall not be any on earth either.

On another note, once a situation turns around because of a miracle, progress shouldn't stop. I mean, there is no such thing as best testimony ever. It doesn't make sense, because God is a God of progress, of increase. The best is yet to come! Unless you don't believe it. That's why the condition of our faith is so central to what happens in our real world. If you keep looking unto Him, you'll see that His thoughts and ways are much higher than ours, and we better elevate to His level. Because Holy Spirit is in us, we are granted grace, as long as we have faith. That, is God's empowerment that gives us the ability to live beyond our natural ability.

Indeed, I might risk living in denial by living this way, but I wouldn't risk missing out on God's promises.


Picture credit: ZivCG

"That kind of life"

Remembering the past

He could hear the sound of his feet pacing, with deep breaths interrupting every few intervals. He was running around the city park, an exercise that he had longed to do. Work as a barber-surgeon apprentice consumes a lot of his time. In fact, he had declined an invitation to a gathering of physicians earlier on that day so that he could stay (longer) in bed, without being pushed by the pressure of a scheduled meeting.

For Jack, running is a time when not only his physical body does work, but his mind also. Memories of his past start playing back in his mind...

He is the only son of a gentleman and a lady who are wealthy citizens. Well, they were not always wealthy, but they had worked hard up their way. And deep inside, Jack feels the security provided by a stable financial supply. The mansion he lived in was not only huge, but also grand. Almost every guest had a good word to say upon entering his house. In his childhood, he doesn't remember a day when there wasn't a servant to carry out his parents' wishes. Balls and celebrations were also very commonplace, with food being bought from the city caterers. Not everyone could afford those, he thought.

But he considered himself never to be a vain man. He seldom dined in the marketplace, simply because it entails spending coins and notes. He also seldom purchased fine clothes for himself. He saved a lot that way.

Yet he had almost no trouble when it comes to giving his possessions away. Of all the prize monies that he won during contests of knowledge and memorisation, a tenth would go first to the temple. So how did that begin? Like this: Back in his younger days, whenever he ran out of coins to spend, he would simply ask his father for more. Or set out to help him out and get a wage in return. His father was very generous, and there was no problem with this method. But Jack realised how he could go overboard, abuse the agreement and keep asking for more supply of money without being responsible in his spending. He thought, when my father runs out of money, who does he ask from? So they made a new agreement where Jack gets 10 coins each week. If he runs out, he has to wait until the next week. If he has extra, then he is free to do whatever he wanted with them. That way it was much easier for Jack to plan giving the first tenth of his given coins.

He thought briefly about those important years in shaping the man he would eventually become. Now as an apprentice who earns about 15,000 coins in a year (a moderate income, but much more compared to the 500-something he had during his childhood), he still prioritises giving, and living below his means. Good stewardship, it was preached. He lives contently with what he has, not comparing with jealousy and covetousness with what he has not. Another thought formed in his mind: it is actually possible that I live life at the brink of my means, spending all I've got - or even live beyond it and simply request more from Father and Mother when I run out - but I have chosen to put these wild desires under control, and my decision is not to live that kind of life.

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To self, from self.

Creski!

Finally...

A time to write without restrictions! Feels so good that the last Defence Mechanism (& their Failure) mid-semester test was over.

Here's what I wrote at the back of my notes during the cancer lecture today:

How humbling

Even after completing my 3rd lectopia round (4 weeks in 4 days++), it doesn't mean that I know everything about viral infections. It doesn't even mean that I'll score very high on tests (although it does get increasingly likely - a thought inspired by Roy Robbins-Browne). Take today's test for example: I know what the question is asking, and I understand the MCQ answer options, but I don't know for sure which is the correct one.

And you know what did I do to end it off? Have KFC with the other meddies, using discount coupons. I paid 7.50 and got 3 pieces of chicken, drinks, fries and mashed potato. Lol. Reminds me of the time last year when I told my sister that I can't wait to eat KFC. I'm not really a big fan of it - in fact I rarely eat it - and that's why it becomes special. It depends on what you've done lately. If I have it for dinner every Monday, then it's gonna bore me, for sure.

You know what, I feel like writing a story (continuing what I've started). If not now, then sometime soon. Because a lot of things have happened since I last wrote. Like me helping B, C's play kitchen, The Blessed Life Seminar. And if I don't write while this idea is hovering within my head, it'll go away and I would miss the opportunity to fully express and experience the idea. Why, do you think it's strange to experience ideas by writing them out?

Picture credit: upload.ozbargain.com

To impress or express?

With thanks to John (PJ).

I guess every now and then we need an unloading of the mental mass that we're carrying in our minds - both the pleasant and not-so-pleasant.

If there's any phrase that really struck me today, then it's "Dance is not to impress; it's to express". Wow! That's one thing I've longed to hear for ages! Just this time last year, I was contemplating my constant desire to show-off. Not just the usual show-off after getting H1's all the way in all mid-sems and assignments, but the greater realm of showing off to anyone and almost everyone.

• Like showing off a really big bargain I had.
• Or a really cool incident that happened (including re-enacting the scene, dialogue and emotions).
• Or simply showing off how much I know that people like showing off anyway.
• Wait up, the worst is to come.

The worst? Showing off a girl. My girl. But I never had one, did I? What does this mean?!

Meaning my desire was off-track. I wanted her just so I could show her off. Dr House said that it's like having a nice piece of decoration in the lobby. A pretty girl is really something - er, someone - to show off. Especially if she's got a nice figure too. And captivating eyes that every other guy will want to look at. I thought of her as an Anime character who happens to be in the real world, almost too good to be true. I imagined if she was mine...

*Time for thinking*

Was I driven only by a desire to impress, without anything meaningful to express? People talk a lot about wearing a mask that hides our true self, and I think I have at least 5 of such masks worn on top of each other. Sometimes it's down to 1 (or 0 when I'm really vulnerable), but most other times I have more worn outside. Wearing those masks results in 2 things. 1: People will think you're who you act/present as (e.g. people will think you're a clown if you wear a clown face mask). 2: You will tend to live according to 1. And that takes a lot of energy especially when it's a superficial, faked, dramatised mask that's designed only to impress. *Sigh*

John Bevere talked about our perceived image (how we view ourselves), projected image (how we want others to view us) and actual image (how our Creator sees us). A disconnect between these 3 images of a person will result in frustration and failure in life. "Failure" as in not making the mark which we're meant to reach. And it's not hard to realise that pride is the prime factor that gets in the way of us unmasking ourselves to reveal who's actually in there. What's a bit harder to realise is the pride that's already in us. My pride will say, "Of course I'm not proud. What are you talking about? It must be some other people." Ahah, gotcha!

Ooh, you know what else am I noticing in me now? Little pride-lings, potentially turning into a big ugly bug infecting me:

• my discipline in getting up before 9am today (a Saturday)
• my charitability in giving the whole day to make and give cupcakes to the public
  
• my ability to produce a song on-the-go
• my talent in playing guitar and singing along
• my fitness to do a handstand
• my perseverance to jog around a park even though it's dark
• my skills in writing my thoughts out -.-
  

Geez, just look at how many times the word "my" appears. It's not really yours to start with, Cres, so why treat it like it is? And the purpose of all those is to build up the people around you, not for you to boast.

If I can reduce this entire piece into 1 line, it'll be this:

Just express yourself. If people are impressed, then that's a result of it. But that shouldn't be your main motive.