To impress or express?

With thanks to John (PJ).

I guess every now and then we need an unloading of the mental mass that we're carrying in our minds - both the pleasant and not-so-pleasant.

If there's any phrase that really struck me today, then it's "Dance is not to impress; it's to express". Wow! That's one thing I've longed to hear for ages! Just this time last year, I was contemplating my constant desire to show-off. Not just the usual show-off after getting H1's all the way in all mid-sems and assignments, but the greater realm of showing off to anyone and almost everyone.

• Like showing off a really big bargain I had.
• Or a really cool incident that happened (including re-enacting the scene, dialogue and emotions).
• Or simply showing off how much I know that people like showing off anyway.
• Wait up, the worst is to come.

The worst? Showing off a girl. My girl. But I never had one, did I? What does this mean?!

Meaning my desire was off-track. I wanted her just so I could show her off. Dr House said that it's like having a nice piece of decoration in the lobby. A pretty girl is really something - er, someone - to show off. Especially if she's got a nice figure too. And captivating eyes that every other guy will want to look at. I thought of her as an Anime character who happens to be in the real world, almost too good to be true. I imagined if she was mine...

*Time for thinking*

Was I driven only by a desire to impress, without anything meaningful to express? People talk a lot about wearing a mask that hides our true self, and I think I have at least 5 of such masks worn on top of each other. Sometimes it's down to 1 (or 0 when I'm really vulnerable), but most other times I have more worn outside. Wearing those masks results in 2 things. 1: People will think you're who you act/present as (e.g. people will think you're a clown if you wear a clown face mask). 2: You will tend to live according to 1. And that takes a lot of energy especially when it's a superficial, faked, dramatised mask that's designed only to impress. *Sigh*

John Bevere talked about our perceived image (how we view ourselves), projected image (how we want others to view us) and actual image (how our Creator sees us). A disconnect between these 3 images of a person will result in frustration and failure in life. "Failure" as in not making the mark which we're meant to reach. And it's not hard to realise that pride is the prime factor that gets in the way of us unmasking ourselves to reveal who's actually in there. What's a bit harder to realise is the pride that's already in us. My pride will say, "Of course I'm not proud. What are you talking about? It must be some other people." Ahah, gotcha!

Ooh, you know what else am I noticing in me now? Little pride-lings, potentially turning into a big ugly bug infecting me:

• my discipline in getting up before 9am today (a Saturday)
• my charitability in giving the whole day to make and give cupcakes to the public
  
• my ability to produce a song on-the-go
• my talent in playing guitar and singing along
• my fitness to do a handstand
• my perseverance to jog around a park even though it's dark
• my skills in writing my thoughts out -.-
  

Geez, just look at how many times the word "my" appears. It's not really yours to start with, Cres, so why treat it like it is? And the purpose of all those is to build up the people around you, not for you to boast.

If I can reduce this entire piece into 1 line, it'll be this:

Just express yourself. If people are impressed, then that's a result of it. But that shouldn't be your main motive.

Family Tree Project

A collection of my posts on ChristianForums.com.

9th May 2005, 07:15 AM
Anyone ever tried to map out the entire Bible genealogy from Genesis to...to wherever it goes? So far, I've connected the family line in Matthew and Luke (assuming the ancestry line provided in Luke describes Mary's family).

Now, i have it written on pieces of lined A3 paper stuck together (the ones I take off unused note books).

It connects 700+ individuals...(and MANY with the same names...like Abimelech), and is 75 generations long from Adam to Jesus through Mary's line (about 62 through Joseph).

Some problems I've encountered:
1. Benjamin's children - They're different in Genesis, Numbers, and Chronicles. My way of mapping this is by providing different trees according to the sources Also happens with other persons's descendants, but I think I can get over it.

2. Differing Spellings - Well, I guess they're common even today, right? Generally, I take the ones listed in the book of Chronicles.

3. Who's who? - Even with not-so-often-recurring names like Asaph the musician. How many "Asaph"s were there? Only one I presume, the one serving during King David's time.

4. Disconnected lines - Can't get this connected to the main line based solely on the Bible, I think. Like the descendants of Seir (in Genesis/Chronicles), Saul, etc. It's just like a waste seeing their *quite elaborate* family not being a branch of the main tree.

Which brings me to the rock-bottom question: Why venture on this task in the first place?

Well, I've always been fascinated by the comprehensive lists the Bible has...so I wonder what it would be if it's translated into graphical information. Interesting. And potentially an aid for teaching others, too...

13th May 2005, 03:18 PM
What began as a childhood interest (11-year olds and their--"creative" stuff) continued for some years as I began to do it more comprehensively. But I do realize human limitations, errors, linguistic challenges...etc.

30th May 2005, 06:07 AM
This genealogical record took me the time from Dec 03 until mid 04 (I took a lot of breaks while undertaking this task...finally finishing the list without realising it) As I look at it now, I still need to add references and alternate list based on different texts of the Bible (eg: Septuagint records Cainan, a descendant of Shem, but the Hebrew does not.)


*Deep breath* It's like fresh air filling me to total lung capacity. Oh, how pumped I am to set to work like that again -- the burning passion of curiosity!

The power of choice

On Thoughts.

Isn't it such a great feeling when you're able to pinpoint a flaw in your life and say, "Aha, this one's not right"?

One that I've got is a recurrent thought saying: "It's all useless anyway." It's the #1 thought that stops me from doing what I'd do.

When I wanna study and revise, it goes: But it's not going to make any difference. You're studying too much. The gain is too little. Look at your friends - see how little they work? The extra mile isn't worth it. You're an overworked, over-involved, overstressed workhorse. Heck, I bet you that 100 extra hours revising your Bacterial Infections won't gain you even 1 additional dollar in the long run.

When I decide to channel a portion of my money to help a child in a developing country, it goes: What good is it? You're taking too much trouble. Just enjoy your money. You're only going to be poorer than your peers. What, you think that as a giver you'll be a more respectable philanthropist? You're not donating $1 million; it's not going to matter anyway. Furthermore, you're working too hard with bank accounts, managing your money and all that. Hey, I tell you, it's all unnecessary.

When I decide to do a work experience attachment, it goes: It's summer break, and you'd be bothered to get up at all, against your will? Whether you do that western blot or not, that cell count or not, it will probably change the course of history by 0.1 nanodegrees (10^-10). It doesn't even matter, and you're wasting your energy. Come on, Creski, you don't need to do it.

Makes me share the feelings of the Teacher in Ecclesiastes, 2nd chapter, 18th verse: I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned. And who can tell whether my successors will be wise or foolish? Yet they will control everything I have gained by my skill and hard work under the sun.

But still he ends his writings by saying: Here now is my final conclusion. Fear God and obey His commands, for this is everyone's duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.

Another thing with this thought is, it usually comes in resistance against a good deed that I've decided on earlier. I agree that it's sometimes useful to think whether my actions are futile, but hesitating or chronically thinking that everything I do in the world is useless is useless. Yes, useless.

And a servant who knows what the master wants, but isn't prepared and doesn't carry out those instructions, will be severely punished. But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. That's recorded by Luke, 12th chapter, 47th verse.

Take that, useless thought. I have the power to choose, and I choose not to entertain you.

Picture credit: studioshash

If not by His grace

A self-reminder

Can you reflect on a time when you felt at your best? An exam that you aced? A competition where you performed superbly? An event that you organised really well?

I have a few distinct moments that come to mind.

Studying for IB Chemistry HL.

Playing Azwraith in a 3-on-3 DotA match.

Performing "Sonata Musim Salju".

But a voice in me says: there's more. Though at times you may feel like those amazing moments are now over, don't give up. It's gonna happen again. This time it's going to be even greater. So expect more. If you can "make it" in your own natural ability, then this is not "it" yet. The best is definitely yet to come.

Cooperate with His grace.

Perhaps the devil is angry at your accomplishments - past and present, but especially future. Remember, he comes only to kill, to steal, and to destroy. Resist him. Keep holding on to the Author and Originator of Life. For all authority on earth and in heaven has been given to Him. Remember it's all for His glory.