Month-end approaching

A review of what the month has been...


Well, actually I'm quite exhausted right now; we just had a church bazaar today (which happened to be at the end of a rather tiring week for me). I'm definitely in need of some extra sleep.

Now on to the agenda: what have I been doing this month? Back in primary school, I remember writing down Scientist, Doctor and Teacher in the "ambition" space of my report document. It seems that I'm getting all three, except for the doctor part (the closest thing is an unconditional offer from the School of Medicine, The University of Melbourne, received by e-mail about 10 days ago). This month, I've taught 25 tuition class sessions in a variety of locations, and at various levels: Form 1, Form 3, Form 4, Form 5 and Upper 6. I'd describe the work satisfaction level as "all right up to a year", because staying on and on and on for a single subject at a single level - well, at least to me - eventually exhausts my interest fuel. Or maybe it's just me being impatient to wait for all my students to "hit the ceiling" in those subjects. I myself didn't hit any ceiling back then. Which means that it's quite a challenging undertaking.

On the Scientist part, I'd relate that to me self-studying my two STPM subjects: Mathematics T and Further Mathematics T (me, the scholar of Maths). Now a few questions repeatedly arise here. Why Math? Because I like it? "I'm born for this!"? 'Coz I'll be leaving it? Why STPM Math? Reputedly hard international exam? Self-satisfaction? Academic craze? Filling extra time?

I don't have official mark schemes for those questions, but those surely are some ideas which compel me to take this up as my academic hurdle for now. Exam is coming in roughly 8 weeks' time. And just a short word on these two brain "dishes", Math T is quite easily understandable (I just need to learn a few extra problem-solving techniques which I didn't learn in IB Math HL). Further Math T is harder. I mean, it really is hard (I think I've got the feel of what it's like to not know anything about what's coming out in the exam, 2 months before it comes!).

And in the last few nights, I'm always tired... This is bad. I don't like it. Perhaps I need some timing restructuring. And not just the usual lie-down-on-the-floor-whenever-my-head-feels-heavy treatment.

That's all for now. Will be back soon.

Worth fighting for?

A case of personal internal conflict...

Perhaps no mature person finds this a foreign thought.

Here's the scenario: It's about 30 minutes before the public exam result is out. A promising student, just back from a 14-day camp, waits anxiously. He took up 11 disciplines, and has high hopes of scoring straight distinctions in all of them. He silently says his prayers (again). He greets his fellow schoolmates as they arrived in the building. Then a teacher - one of his closest - approached and asked, "Nervous?" With a wide grin, he replied "Yes, a little", but deep in his heart something unstable was definitely stirring. Not long after, a media reporter arrived, asking for him. He was surprised but nevertheless pleased; being sought by a reporter is history indeed!
The moment of truth came: He was listed in the state top 15, but it was more a heartbreak than happiness. He had one A2.

"He" happens to be me.

I immediately thought of re-marking my Moral Studies. Don't bother the fee! That morning itself, my mom and I went to Education Dept office. I filled the form for re-marking. The counter people looked puzzled...I was very likely the first student to do that for this session.

What an extent it is! Just for the sake of straight A1's! But honestly, I had hoped and prayed for perfect results since the beginning of that year. I treated myself as a perfect-scorer. And my biggest nightmare wasn't really not getting full A's, but rather a "so close, yet so far" situation with the most minor of flaws. Realistically speaking, what harm does an A2 for Moral actually do? (I couldn't get to swallow that rock-hard fact until about 3 days have passed.)

Are things worth fighting for?

My Sem 1 result was a 39/42. It must have been among the top 39 because I've got a 79% for Biology. Pn Asima clearly stated that she doesn't give free marks away. None. Zero. Zilch. My 2 days of begging ended with unchanged results.

In DotA, persistence wins in very-late-games. My roommate told me of a game nearly 120 minutes long, where finally their side won using hit-and-run tactics to push to the inner towers.

Earlier this year, my Taekwondo development was reaching its zenith (or a zenith). 1st Dan was within reach. It would be much more costly overseas - not to mention no student-coach bond - and I'm not likely to continue in KK. Doing 1st Dan meant sandwiching my studying/revising time, web-surfing time, entertainment time, cooling down time, and even sleeping time. More than once, I felt like fainting in the oxygen-deprived hall.

Worth fighting for?

Around March this year, I was already definitely Aussie-bound. The points requirements for Melbourne were as high as that of Cambridge's (except for the 7,7,7 HL's). My internal exam score was 39, 38, 38 (or was it 37?) - none even touched the cut-off. And what could I expect out of my last-minute big essays? I hoped for a 1 minimum bonus, and hoped my subjects score didn't fall below thirty-nine. The exam time itself was the real, dirty, fighting ground. It was definitely the most intense I've had in my lifetime. I stayed till about 3am for Chemistry. About 4am for Biology. And 5am for Malay. My sleeping schedule was an absolute mess. The caffeine I've had probably intoxicated me during the last days. I pushed to the limit for ITGS. No games, no sleep, no distraction till about 2am. It was the last paper, and I had to make up for the sleep debt. I thank God I had no headache or fever. It was quite a victorious ending.

Worth fighting for?

Fun in the Bio Labs

Practical: Rat's Anatomy

Before.
Codename: Stuart
Sex: Female
Mass: About 40 g
Status: Alive







After.
The skin is opened.
The heart beated faintly.
The gut is then opened and stretched to form a 40-centimetre organic hose.
The skull prised open to reveal the rat brain.






Practical: The Excretory System
Urine. After drinking 300 ml of 40% sucrose solution.










Practical: Blood Cells
Blood. Muni on the background. Natural expression.

Running out of Time?!

I realized that lately, I've been gasping for air every so often.

My "5 months of freedom" don't really feel like freedom anymore. I work both at home and on the roads. I've got an exam to sit for. There's ministry in church to be committed in. And a few developmental books (including Nelson Mandela's autobiography) lie around, waiting to be read. And then there's this blog.

In a way, I like the constant "waste-no-time" feeling I'm having right now - it reminds me of KMB. Only with a little less stress. But I do have my dissatisfactions and rants. Thank God I haven't really reached the point where I'd simply explode. That wouldn't be nice.

My work? In big words, 'academic motivational speaker' and 'legal firm process server'. In everyday terms, tuition teacher, and postman. And of course, a student (scholar of Mathematics, school-of-self).


I thank God that at least I'm pouring my time into some stuff (as opposed to no stuff). And what I really cherish is the time that I have with the buddies in ministry; as I've never had this much of a chance back when I was in La Salle and KMB.


P/S: The title up there is actually a (expressive) line from our Form 2 choral speaking script (winning script, that is).

KMB Glory Days Part III

...Fading glory...
(Prelude: The songs in the player were my "working" songs... they kept my brain running as I struggled for my World Lit and ToK. By the way, the "pause" button is there if you really want it.)

- CUT -
If were to summarize this post into two words, they'd be:
"busyness" and "flying".
- UN-CUT -

The pictures, from top to bottom, are:
1. Math Standardized Test - Topic: Differentiation/Integration?
(18 Sept)
2. My exhausted roommate, on a typical Friday afternoon
(8 Sept)
3. Waiting for a bus at the simpang, to send a bunch of seniors at KLIA
(12 Sept)
4. Immediately after school reopens - Raya Aidilfitri celebration
(6 Nov)
5. In an English class - Topic: Love
(8 Nov)
(All in 2006)

And read on if you want to.

The Big 4 haunted every one of us, on every single night. The heaviest of assignments in my experience so far. I mean, I've pulled an all-nighter for a few Form 4/5 folios, but what on earth is it that I'm tackling if even 2 sleepless nights gets less than 50% of my stuff done? I vividly remember my EE supervisor, Puan Bahariah, politely asking, "If possible, give it [1st draft] before the Raya break." And I did give her what I choose to call a half-draft. (22 pages. No kidding. And about 1,200 words.)


It was very much a call for disaster. And all the while, I was actually calling for even more disaster. DotA continued to be my staple weekend dish, occasionally with other custom maps such as RO and Dragon Ball. And a craze in the Block C computer fellas was the Insaniquarium. I even let my computer run several nights just to collect shells! And even under my desk, in class! (On battery power, with LCD closed, and "Low" CPU speed.) To top it all off, I spent 80% of my holiday time on NamelessRO. Very crazy indeed.

I went to KLIA about 3 times in total (George, Qing Xi and gang group, Meryl's solo departure, and Melvyn, Zi Dong and gang group). Perhaps it was supposed to ignite the fading fire within us who were then in IB year 2. What it did ignite was the desire to get out of KMB immediately! (Oh well... maybe it also helped in some other ways during the process.)



Our Uni applications were also underway. UKCAT, BMAT, PS, Mock Interview, etc... UK fellas were the busiest, followed by Ireland folks (And hey, I wonder why can't we apply to both UK and Ireland? Pleasing more people? But never mind...as if I bother). For me, it was the decision point. I talked to my dad on one morning, telling him that I was not going to take the UKCAT. It means no passport to a UK medical school. It also means I was roughly turning myself into an academic machine whose target is an absolute minimum score of forty points. My Melbourne craze heightened since then. So did my Aussie-support group, consisting mainly of Nad, Missa and Paw.

It was quite an anticlimax when the college decided to give us standardized tests in the final week (in the afternoons!). The decision was met with negative responses from students, with the most dramatic complaint/petition against our Malay A1 paper--it was eventually turned into a 3-day (or so--) homework. Our juniors, on the other hand, seemed very eager to have themselves tested, just like most of us a year ago.


More:
KMB Glory Days Part I
KMB Glory Days Part II

Observe...Nature

When each picture is (probably) worth more than a thousand words...

Horizon: Taken during the Homestay Programme, just after collecting "kerang".

Island & Mainland: From an aircraft, not long after taking off.

Sea: Jetty view.
(Kuala Penyu)

Sunset: One of my favourite pictures.
Sky. Sea. Sun. Shore. Silhouette.
(Pulau Tiga)

Sunrise: The 'dream halo' effect.
Nostalgic.


More: Observe...Nature 2

An Unspoken Reflection

Fragile life...

I wonder...







How does it feel to know that I have 2.5 minutes left to live?

How does it feel not to know it?

How do I know it, anyway?

And...

How does it feel to be snapped during those final moments?

How does nature play its part?

How about fate?

How do I matter in the whole working of this grand world?

How true is the butterfly effect?

How will my end be the start of something new?



This is based on a true story about a millipede (a rather big one, measuring about 20 cm). It was found at a roadside in a highland, on the new Papar-Keningau road. It managed to cross up to the middle of the road unharmed. As it continued along, it met its end shortly (cause: road accident).


Of course I had the intention to help it by pushing/kicking/transporting it to the other side, but it was my dad who mentioned: "Just leave it on its own." On second thought, I could have saved it and boasted the tagline: "It made a difference to this one." But oh well, I was curious to see nature at work anyway.

P/S: Do not click the images unless you really want to.

Word of the day: Grateful

Just when you thought life is so predictable...


I should be grateful for the latest turn of events recently. An invitation to a wedding reception - by a ministry leader, since the bride and groom gave one 10-person table to him - might seem like nothing much at first thought. But that's just the starting point of what I consider to be 'fun with friends'.

-Commercial break-

You see, when you have about 5 really free months ahead of you - free from work, school, kids, etc - and have spent the 3 previous really free months on nothing but catching up with buddies, you'd start pondering on the significance of every little thing that you do with every single second that you're given. You'd start being...rather critical and analytical, knowing that such a long period of freedom won't come by in the near future, and it therefore must be spent in as fruitful a way as possible.

Or maybe it's just me. I don't know.

-Alright, commercial's over-

In the function, I of course got to congratulate the new couple. It was kind of weird to wish the groom - who's my age - but oh well, it's indeed happening. And it's nice to see him again after many months.

It was also a chance to meet up with a few other fellas whom I haven't seen in quite a while (so there goes more of my "catching up" activity, but it's fun, you know).

And I must admit that our table rocks! Kind of a "happening" table - if you want to put it that way. We joked like real youngsters. No "kontrol ayu or macho". No need for those. Having fun really meant having fun at that moment. As mentioned by one sister, "Itu waiters suka kita punya meja ni...berebut diurang mau serve kita."

Oh, I should also mention about the kids. Maybe I can't really recall what were wedding functions like back when I was little, but the sight just now was simply typical. The children would go in the lift (elevator), press the next floor up, then exit just before the door closes. So it would be like a "hantu" using it to those upstairs. I have two words to describe them: imaginative and noisy. And when I join them up, some would cuddle me at the waist, in their little arms. Cute.
=)

Post-function

The function ended at 10.30 pm, but our ministry team went on to celebrate a member's birthday (in a surprise). We arranged to meet at McDonald's. I drove with three friends, and went to take the birthday cake from another member who was at the university hall.

It was a night drive through the heart of KK city - with a short stop at 7-eleven for a friend's phone top-up - to the university (with the prize-giving ceremony for a Battle of the Bands going on), and to the fast food outlet.

One friend was about to leave for Peninsular tomorrow, so she covered up the motive by mentioning about her departure. Then the whole group - 12 people in all - prayed together for her.

It was pretty much an act of concealing the real deal. Just seconds after we finished our prayer, we sang Selamat Hari Jadi as the birthday cake was taken in. What an unexpected present for our birthday girl!

---What touches me the most is the brotherly (sisterly?) love that binds all the members of our ministry together. Love as in being selfless. As in not being reluctant to spend some time for friends. As in sharing happiness together. It is truly amazing. It must be God-given---

And finally, as we bid our farewells and goodnights, I had the chance to do one last favour for 5 of those friends: by taking them home.

Above all, I thank God for this wonderful opportunity he has given me.

All in 23,400 seconds (it doesn't even take one day to be touched by our mighty creator).