Obedience

...And you know what?

I'm gonna stop "relying"/"falling back" on my intelligence as my identity (think: smart-ass med student).

My academic performance does not define who I am.

My Creator does.

More, I'm not obsessed any longer about which field to delve into (BioChem, Anatomy, Pathology, Pharmacology, Neuroscience) - which basket to put my eggs in.

It's not all about "striking the lucky numbers" and making instant fame out of it.

Imagine winning the Nobel Prize - instant fame, right?

Instead, I'll just follow what God has put in my heart & head.

My dreams and passions.

Because when I do what He has commanded/"willed" me to do, then that's the biggest thing that I could be doing.

For He desires obedience more than sacrifice.

Budak budak

How awesome is the mind of the child

From a page at the University of California, Berkeley website:

"It is remarkable how much little children know and how much they learn in a short time," said Alison Gopnik, a professor of psychology.

"If you combine the psychological and neurological evidence, it is hard to avoid concluding that babies are just plain smarter than we are, at least if being smart means being able to learn something new."

Don't you agree that sometimes we - "grown-ups" - are too mature in our own sight? Too wise?

Guess what the problem with that is? We don't learn anything new! And to me, that's the worst form of self-punishment possible. Because in effect, I'm telling myself, "This is it. I've reached the end. It's as good as it gets." So my pitiful brain faces an ongoing conflict: The forward-directed curiosity that it's designed with is crippled by the mental lid that I myself put on it.

That's sad. Tula sia inda kisah jadi macam budak-budak, "childlike".

To be thankful for

The blessedness of giving

Two things I'd like to mention

That I'm really thankful for:

1. I got a customer for my broadband modem

2. The researcher contacted me for paid participation

Just when you think

All the finance is being drained out of you

Well, remember the Faithful One

Who never-leaves-nor-forsakes

Oh, how I give you thanks!

Now, I'd like to add that

This didn't come without challenge

A friend asked for help with payment

And my other friends keep asking:

Why on earth give?

Why give all the way to Uganda?
Why give to humanitarian aid?
Why give to Uni Student Appeal?

You know why?

Because there's something to be thankful for

Small things

Big things

All things

Picture credits: sonjatierney.com

Cuci Mata

One of the revision questions for Eye & Vision.

Patient: "I'm always tripping over things with my right foot."


"Probably because you have a lower right homonymous quadrantanopia."

∴There could be a lesion in the left calcarine sulcus, upper bank.

Thanks to Erica Fletcher & Andrew Tan

The Mark

People pick it up (Yes, they do)
Just listened to a brain surgeon telling stories of his journey in his learning and training.


One interesting message that he got across is:
It's more than just what you say. It's what you do.
What's more, it's what you do with passion and commitment.


It might be the few extra hours that you put in every day.


Might be the few extra people/patients that you'd take the time to talk to.


Might be the extra spare that you could have spent on yourself, but chose instead to give to others.


Whatever it is, if you know it, then keep doing it.


Because people pick it up.


The mark of passion, commitment, dedication.

p/s: Just today I feel really thankful to be alive,

for it means to be appreciated for the deeds that

you take the trouble to carry out. For the seed that

you sow.

I've always been fond of teaching, as in, sharing

knowledge with my friends so that they can pick up

things like math, science, etc. And today in Anatomy prac

a fellow student said to me: You're a good tutor.

For my PBL tute feedback, my tutor generally

gave me very positive, encouraging feedback, ("You've

been the best board scribe") and I saw him tick all the

nicest boxes in his checklist.

God, I'm so happy to live, I don't even know how to write it out!

A Taste of Medicine

The first midsem was hard.

Question 1, maybe A, but not sure.

2, no idea.

3, eliminated three options, but still can't decide between the remaining ones.

4, again not sure...

But I think I did well.

And I did!

Here's the question that I got wrong:

Which one of the following statements is correct?

A. 10mg of morphine administered intravenously will last 6 hours.

B. 10mg of morphine administered subcutaneously will last 8 hours.

C. 100mg of pethidine is equivalent to 50mg morphine.

D. 100mg of pethidine is equivalent to 10mg morphine.

E. Fentanyl is best administered intramuscularly.

A. 1 hr. B. 3-4hrs. C+D. 10:1 E. transdermal/sublingual

Herculean

...describes the work of the brain learning about itself

From webvision.med.utah.edu:

Our attempt to understand the visual pathways is very much like approaching a machine about which we know nothing but its basic functions. By way of analogy, we all know how to operate a car (more or less) and recognize its basic function, to get us from one place to another. Now let us assume that we knew absolutely nothing but this and, for some reason, decided we should learn every detail of the cars inner workings. We might start by trying to figure out the parts of the car devoted to this central function and those that are not. We remove the bumper, horn, AC, and windshields and find the car still runs splendidly. We remove small parts of the engine, piece by piece until the car no longer starts, analogous to the lesion studies in the brain. Slowly we begin to understand what parts of the car (brain) are involved in locomotion (vision). In vision research we are very much at this stage of the game, still wanting to know what each part actually does, when it does it, and how all the individual parts act in concert. It is the hope of many researchers, myself included, that a careful investigation into the structure and function of the visual pathways using chemical, electrophysiological, genetic, and behavioural approaches will culminate in a true understanding of how the brain provides us with this most crucial of sensory capabilities, vision.

Written by a scientist interested in the visual system, this analogy interests me because of its relevance not only to human vision, but to the brain's overall capacity. I mean, what can't the brain do?

Fragile

My vulnerable side

Oh, how beautiful it is to live!

To have a mind that thinks

A heart that beats

A soul that flourishes

And the strength of youth

What's the deal with being human?

Really, what is it?

To feel emotions

To let your inner self be touched

To cry once again

Some say tears can soothe the soul

Yes, tears, when you don't hold back

Like a river that flows as it pleases

Unstopped, unblocked

Undirected, but not without direction

Set free, unbound

Living the liberty

Walking in newness, afresh

Soaring, flying

I say this is being human

I'm grateful, inexpressible

Human language is but a limited tool

Can't say how thankful am I

For the smiling faces, the friendly gestures

The mark of love

Picture credit: blogs.theage.com.au

Unique

Stop the stopper

What's your purpose in life? Your specific assignment? Your grace, a strength so intense that you can't afford to keep it to yourself? What does your future hold?

I like thinking about my future. However, I've realised just how much of my decisions are affected by thoughts like: You gotta be unique/special/one-of-a-kind. You gotta do what no-one else has done before.

Most of the time, it's been a stopper to me. Because just when I find something fun and interesting, e.g. making plasticine models of dinosaurs, I'd be faced with counter thoughts: What's so great about it? Anyone can do it. It doesn't make you special. You can't even make money with that. Same thing with learning neuroscience, diagnosing diseases, singing new tunes, trying new dance moves, counseling close friends, among others.

I needed a breakthrough thought, something to break negative, paralysing thoughts. And this one, heaven-inspired, made my day:

You're already unique, without even trying.

p/s:
Neuroanatomical terms: Lateral geniculate nucleus, optic nerve - optic chiasm - optic radiation, saccule & utricle, ampulla & macula, locus coeruleus, red nucleus, periaqueductal grey matter, petrous part of the temporal bone.

Not a one day thing

Today I learned something very significant:

"It's not a one day thing."

Growing spiritually, getting to know God, is not a one day thing.

Learning clinical neuroanatomy of the brainstem, with all the medially-located motor nuclei and laterally-located sensory nuclei and possible consequences of localised lesions, is not a one day thing.

Being in a romantic relationship where you pour your love and commitment into your special someone - and receive the same from that person - is not a one day thing.

Things that matter are not one day things. So keep it up, and never stop.

What floats your boat?

When you're thinking about your desires...

This story keeps my brain ticking.

When I was a kid, I always wrote my ambition ("cita-cita") as scientist, doctor, teacher. Scientist because there are so many hidden things in this vast world that's waiting to be discovered, and I wanna do that. Doctor because Mom told me so. Ridiculous, I know, but honestly the only reason I mentioned it during primary school is because of Mom's suggestion. Teacher, because they were the ones who gave us the forms with sections like ambition, hobbies, etc.

After finishing secondary school, doing all the scholarship applications, I began thinking about what's in medicine for me. Money and status goes without mention; I found on the Net that a neurosurgeon could make $600,000 a year (in America). Maybe that's why I keep thinking of doing brain surgery? But of course I could donate the money to help others. Isn't that what medicine's all about anyway? Then of course I had the view of myself as a student who consistently excelled in school - what's beyond my grasp? What is impossible? I began thinking of "big things". The next scientific breakthrough. A Nobel-worthy contribution to human knowledge. A great name the history books. Big things, yes, but I kept asking myself, is this what I really want?

To be honest, I can't end this post with a "moral of the story" kind of tone. Now in 2nd out of 6 years of medical school, I still can't tell what is it that I really want out of this endeavour. Well, I can say that the reasons above are some of my motivating factors to do what I do now, but I can't tell what's worth desiring and what's not, what's good and what's not. I guess it's a journey in progress, and maybe I'll be illuminated as I tread further.

July Over!

Second week done.

To be honest I didn't expect that this week's PBL patient had MS (multiple sclerosis).

Anyway, realising that I have only 1 week before the midsem test, I gotta make next week a pseudo-SWOT VAC week. Lots of things to cover. Some are just so random. E.g. Neural stem cells undergo mostly symmetric division earlier on, while the asymmetric ones happen later. Neuronal progenitors are produced early, while glial progenitors are produced later. We learned about 2 Trp ("trip"=Transient Receptor Potential, temperature-sensitive) receptors: TrpV1 - a warm receptor that's also sensitive to capsaicin, and TrpM8 - a cold receptor that's also sensitive to menthol.

And for anatomy: ethmoid bone, sphenoid bone, mastoid process, styloid process, pterion, straight sinus, cavernous sinus, etc.

More to come.

Beautiful Woman (PSCC event) is great! Can't believe there's a gay march happening tomorrow! How I wish that this wrecked world would turn to its Master once again, and be renewed by the transforming of our minds!