Sunday, 2 August 2009

What floats your boat?

When you're thinking about your desires...

This story keeps my brain ticking.

When I was a kid, I always wrote my ambition ("cita-cita") as scientist, doctor, teacher. Scientist because there are so many hidden things in this vast world that's waiting to be discovered, and I wanna do that. Doctor because Mom told me so. Ridiculous, I know, but honestly the only reason I mentioned it during primary school is because of Mom's suggestion. Teacher, because they were the ones who gave us the forms with sections like ambition, hobbies, etc.

After finishing secondary school, doing all the scholarship applications, I began thinking about what's in medicine for me. Money and status goes without mention; I found on the Net that a neurosurgeon could make $600,000 a year (in America). Maybe that's why I keep thinking of doing brain surgery? But of course I could donate the money to help others. Isn't that what medicine's all about anyway? Then of course I had the view of myself as a student who consistently excelled in school - what's beyond my grasp? What is impossible? I began thinking of "big things". The next scientific breakthrough. A Nobel-worthy contribution to human knowledge. A great name the history books. Big things, yes, but I kept asking myself, is this what I really want?

To be honest, I can't end this post with a "moral of the story" kind of tone. Now in 2nd out of 6 years of medical school, I still can't tell what is it that I really want out of this endeavour. Well, I can say that the reasons above are some of my motivating factors to do what I do now, but I can't tell what's worth desiring and what's not, what's good and what's not. I guess it's a journey in progress, and maybe I'll be illuminated as I tread further.

1 comment:

LZ said...

Same here. I wana be a doctor bcos mum told me to. Hmph..

But I like it la. Hahahah luckily dint follow her blindly ;)