An Idea Unwritten (2)

Part XVIII.

"Unassuming"

1

"When you've changed, I'll tell you." That was early 2009, said by my UL leader. But I was very anxious back then, thinking, why can't I know exactly how/what to change now?

Within a few months she said: Hey, you've changed so much, you know; what made you change?

Now I must admit that those few months were a bit different than previous months.

2

Flashback 1 year - I'm in 1st year of uni, living away from parents, free to take care of all my time and money. No nagging, no orders, no instructions. I thought to myself, God, you blessed me so much to live life. Soon enough, the thought turned into: Hey, what am I here for, really? So I set myself some targets. Straight H1's in school would set me apart - make me get to the 1% of the right hand bell curve. After all, I'm already part of a social class. What's more prestigious than Melbourne Uni? And what's more exclusive than Medicine? Now if I just become a little bit more of an over-achiever (as if I'm not already one), then the world's eyes would be set upon me.

3

When K and I arrived for the party, all I wanted was to look good. Then she asked what "backslide" meant, and I wanted to explain it to her as silently possible. Because not knowing that basic term is a shame in people's eyes!

Happened later with N too. I had wanted the calls, the talk, the walk, etc, to be as cool, smooth and flowing as could possibly be imagined. I had certain assumptions about how it's meant to be. It killed my unassuming attitude.

4

Looking back, I clearly see these changes inside of me. From who I was, to the hardened self, and back to the unassuming me. It's been a fight, really. I admit, it's not easy to know that you're wrong until after the incident. Heck, I might even be wrong in some areas now, still being shaped and moulded by the Higher Power. But the greatest thing to realise is that He is on your side. He's faithful even when you're not.

Question is, would you respond with an unassuming attitude?

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