Access

Right, I'll be quick on this one--AMS Figures need some work

Too many people complain too often about not receiving their rights. They are entitled to this, they say, and that, and that, and... "I deserve better pay, better treatment, better packages, etc." If you think I'm criticising certain ungrateful attitudes and behaviours in people, you're spot on correct.

You see, if we imagine the situation objectively, put it out on the table, and turn our eyes to look from a different angle, it's not hard to appreciate the comforts that are already there in life. In the mornings I wake up thanking my Father who has given me the opportunity to reside overseas as I pursue university education. This is beyond the reach of my parents' wallet, yet God proves to supply all my needs according to His riches in glory. I got a million-ringgit scholarship with no bond. I'm given a 3-way access - to a first-world country, to finances, and to Medicine, a field people are dying to get into. It's of course easy to take things for granted - but I really wish I say my word of utter thanks each and every day that I live.

Scientist. That's one of the words I wrote under the heading "Occupation/Ambition" when I was 9 to 12 years old. And 10 years on, I'm now in a research lab that drives discoveries on the human nervous system. Some might take the pessimistic stance and say that research is full of boredom - you know, waiting for incubations, dead cells, failed experiments, disproved hypotheses, negative findings - but in this I beg to differ. As much as I hate these challenges, I take pleasure when they happen because it's telling me a road not to take. Truth is a pinnacle. That's why it's so difficult. It takes ages to establish one. In the mean time, why don't we lab people talk a little bit more about family, vision in life, and views on God?

Can't thank Him enough for this level of access I'm given.

In the not-so-distant future

3 years down, 3 to go.

It's actually hard to believe that I'll graduate in Medicine, Surgery and Medical Science in 3 years' time. Whenever people ask me, "Which year are you in?", the next question is always "So how long is the course?" And they get a shock when I tell them that it's six years. Some think that the 6th year is the internship year where you're already working as a fresh graduate - but no, that's the 7th year.

Even though 3 years is equal to the full length of a university degree (like Commerce, Science, Arts, etc) - meaning it's still a long way before me - I tend to see it as something that I've been through. Three years down, 3 to go. I've been in uni for 3 years, so another 3 years wouldn't hurt as much, because I've lived through it. But deep down I know it's going to be very different - moving to a northern suburb called Epping, having a 9-5 schedule Mondays to Fridays, talking with patients to learn both the characteristics of the disease and of the individual suffering from it, etc. I might move again to another suburb in 5th and 6th year, depending on placements. But that will come in its own time.

I know for sure that it will be a time of exciting adventure. A wild dream of a child who grew up in Kota Kinabalu, was educated in a regular daily boy's high school, played role-playing games like Diablo and Ragnarok Online... is unfolding into reality.

God, this is awesome.

Picture credit: teddymill.co.uk

iNFO

More on studying medicine in Melbourne

The 6-year undergraduate, 'PBL model' double-degree MBBS/BMedSc took in their first students in 1999. Semesters 1-5 are uni-based, focussing on pre-clinical education. Sem 6-7 is the research year. Sem 8-12 are clinical placements in hospitals (divided into 15 different rotations). Graduates may skip Sem 1, 6 and 7, making it a 4.5-year degree. The last intake for undergraduates was in 2008, for graduates in 2009.

The course prior to this (also 6 years, MBBS) was probably 'traditional', with pre-clinicals that emphasise lectures, not tutorials, and more of hard biomedical knowledge than of soft clinical skills. I only know nerdy stuff about the course: past papers are available online, and top scorers get their names inscribed on a wooden hall of fame on level 2 of the medical building.

The new 4-year graduate entry, Melbourne-model MD will commence in 2011, graduating their first batch in 2014. The 1-year pre-clinical phase seems like a heavier version of the PBL model (5 semesters condensed into 2) - 12 hours of lectures every week, 18 weeks per semester. Examination is at the end of the year.

Questions/corrections are welcome.

Also: Interesting article on the history of medical education in The University of Melbourne.

Support

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Enjoy.

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Mimpi

Di rumah lama

Kau mau tau apa mimpi saya semalam?
Saya di rumah lama
Di Taman Oriental
Sama si Peta
Sama si Niji

Si Peta kasi makan Niji apple
Saya bilang, "Eh, Niji buli makan apple kah?"
Peta bilang buli

Terus saya pigi di depan, dekat gate
Di atas itu tiang pagar kuning
Ada banyak apple nih
Sudah kena makan, tinggal kulit lagi
Tapi bentuk masih macam apple
Hairan
Selalu apple core yang orang kasi tinggal
Ini kulit pula
Ada buku, magazine sama surat juga
Macam junk mail
Semua di atas itu tiang
Bukan dalam mailbox
Saya pun pikir:
Kenapa ini sampah
tidak kena gantung di atas pagar?

Masa naik tu tiang
Saya nampak neighbours lain juga
Di seberang jalan
Diurang cakap Cina
Saya tidak faham

Saya mimpi jumpa si Az juga
Tapi ini di tempat lain
Dia tinggal dalam townhouse
Backyard dia besar
Saya masuk dalam dapur, gelap nih
Ada meja bulat sama stool
Macam di kampung pula
Di Soborong


Bila saya bangun, pukul 12 sudah

Aimless and...

Tired...

Felt a bit of "accomplishment" after tutoring, but more of "aimlessness". Getting paid to do what I like is a wonderful thing, although I'm sure there's a bigger purpose in life than just making money.

Maybe it's an attack from the enemy to discourage me; much like Elijah being attacked with intimidation straight after the public victory at Mount Carmel. Maybe; I don't know.

What I know is that I won't give up hope in life. No, I won't quit.

Letting go

Are you prepared?

So what was the real motive you had? Was it just to make easy bucks out of someone who needs help with what you excel at? How hard can revising Sem 2 and 3 be? And how many people do you know can generate that much per hour?

*Thinking and wrinkling*

Or if that is no longer your real motive, then what is? Tell me, what is it that you really want from this job? Is it to get paid to help? Help to empower? Empower to help others? Heck, are you really praying that this person you're helping will pass with flying colours, with heightened capacity to care for the health of sick, suffering people?

And the financial reward, do you really wait on The One before even spending 5 cents from it? To give to the person who needs it so much more than you?

And are you letting go of your grip, ~3 weeks before the scheduled moment? No more holding too tightly? To hand it to the one this job is meant to be for?

Isn't that too unselfish (all those actions)? Wouldn't God be the only source of such selfless love?

Bonus pic: Heart shape from ice.

Picture credit: boardhost.com (Sue She)

Dapat kerja

Now this is a post that I write just so that there is something in each month (now September)

I just got a job last week. A nursing student needed a private tutor for Anatomy and Physiology. I've been searching for jobs on Careers Online since mid-July (2 months ago), hoping for a job to occupy me this semester. Talking with the carpark attendants also enlightened me on job opportunities; for a moment I was considering work as a waiter in a hotel (5 star). Well, what was available was not a waitering position, but a kitchen hand. I figured that a more interactive job like a waiter would be more valuable in my CV, so I put off the kitchen hand for a while. In my institute's intro pack, it was suggested that tutoring is another potential form of work that is value-adding. I mentioned it to a friend, and he said it's also good financially because it is cash-in-hand. And then this job appeared on the web. I emailed the person, thinking that I was too late. But I wasn't, so I got the job. Thank God!

It's been a big turn-around since the last couple of months. Just read at my posts and you'll see the financial struggles that burdened me. But I wasn't like a stranded vagabond in a far away land with nothing to eat and wear, because God's provision (especially food) still flowed during that time. I just can't thank God enough!

It actually was a strange feeling when I got my first pay (in cash!). Satisfying...fulfilling...almost triumphant. For a moment my motive was kicked to the side - off from the main target which is to help someone so that this person can help others.

But that's for the next post.

Money

Yet another (potential) worry

I expected my allowance to come on Thursday. Well, normally it would arrive on the next day because it's an international transfer from my sponsor, probably made at 12.00am on Thursday. Midnight in KL would be 2 or 3am in Melb, so it would appear on Friday when I check my online account.

A bit of background on what's happening: I had run out of money since Monday- almost all of it. One of my accounts has $15. Three others have $5 each, so that's $30 left. I'm awaiting for payment from 2 other people, bringing my net current asset to $115. This is my broke-est week in Melbourne so far!

But it wasn't there yet on Friday. Nor on Saturday. Now it's Sunday, and still isn't there. It's frustrating, and I feel like grumbling to my sponsor. But my Father owns my sponsoring agency/council, and I would be grumbling to Him. Is that the right thing to do?

Today I woke up with the thought that His Word prevails in spite of my feelings. Though I might feel broke, I actually really am not, because God owns everything, especially the things I need.

I opened Philippians chapter 4, verse 19 (NKJV, NLT and AMP), and this is what I find:

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Ha! I'm dictated by God's Word, and not by my (sometimes dire) circumstances. This is another opportunity to see Him come through. I won't worry, God. Because I know Your perfect, unchanging character.

Picture credit: ireward.com.au

Worry

Why should I worry?

Have you ever had thoughts like, "Was it because I didn't talk to her enough? Did I miss doing this, or that?"

I have. And just now, God instantly prompted a response in my heart. He said, "Don't worry too much about that. Take each day one at a time." Reminds me of a verse in Matthew chapter 6.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

So what was it that worried me? Oh, a lot:
+personal spiritual growth
+my gifts and talents
+the fruitfulness of my AMS (God promised discovery)
+academic pursuits (revising Sem 1-5, reading up brain cancer & surgery)
+volunteering (Sacred Heart Mission, iftar, church Guest Services team)
+a recent eBay purchase
+money (plus giving & maybe work) etc.

If we go back 1 verse from the passage:

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

What things (all these things)?

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

So there it is - the very things that were worrying me. Perhaps I'm influenced by this "efficiency" or "productivity" paradigm that dominates this era. Nothing wrong with them on their own - they are neutral and are only a measure of output. But elevating output (or its measurement) to a God status is contrary to God's Word. We must not idolise output.

Want a personal example? So let's say I want to be a brain surgeon. I need high marks during my bachelor's medical degree to get into the college of surgeons, because the colleges want people with higher marks. Other than exams, I also get marks for the interview and for my CV. I only get to start college training as a surgeon after 1 year of internship (sometimes later). So that's 4.5 years away; what do I do in the mean time? Going by pure human logic, I should get all the marks now - or prepare for them. Therefore study for the exams. Get involved in recognised activities. Practise for the interview. Get along with people, find out what they are thinking of their future, and note how they communicate it to others. My schedule should fill up to increase productivity. See what I mean by "efficiency" paradigm?

Now let's say that I miss something that I planned to do (just like the intro). The time is wasted and my productivity drops. If this gets me worried, then it demands refocussing on the bigger picture. That is, I should focus on my aspiration to serve humanity in the medical field. Even bigger than that picture is God, because He is the originator of all humanity.

God pointed out to me that He's the one who causes things to happen. He asked, "Did you see the donation for Student Appeal coming? Or that it was coming the way it did?" My honest answer: No. The lecturer walked up to me; I did not even have to smile, or look at him in the eye, or motion to him (tactics to pick up a conversation). And he gave an amount that will be doubled because the university would match that donation. I did not see it coming; God surprised me today.

So why should I worry?

Quotes from Day 50-52.

50. Your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever your turn to the right or the left.
51. Let the River of God flow. Don't be a marsh or a swamp. Who are you pouring into?
52. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men.

The provider

Do you know him?

More testimonies that God is my provider:

+ fried noodles from Mara (gave/brought my tithes to church this week)
+ potluck at a friend's birthday party
3.95 the discount I received on a $12.95 power adapter (1 hour before that I gave $1 to a beggar on the street)
3.00 orange juice from a friend
+ sandwiches (leftovers) from a board meeting
+ muffins and juice from BW
+ uncle belanja at Pacific House

God keeps giving something every week, for the past 6 consecutive weeks. The provision might go through different people (remember how God delivered meat to Elijah via ravens?), but the provider, ultimately, is God. This is so fun!

Bring it on, Your love and favour
Pour it out till it runs over

Quotes from Day 43-49.

43. My mom and dad set the parameters for my blessing and my breakthrough.
44. Favour is all about the impossibility of man and the possibilities of God.
45. Speak it out. Have a faith confession.
46. Sometimes I wonder, what's a testimony for? Is it about the testifier or the one being testified about?
47. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle, and willing to yield to others.
48. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. Perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted, but not forsaken. Struck down, but not destroyed.
49. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Just pleasing people is a prison. It's dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you.


Picture credit: Texico Conference

More quotes

From memory to diary.

Went to Ipin's place last night to meet with Wan. Shared the fried rice and pasta, and had some cheesecake. Also some 36 kg-bench presses. Crashed there for the night, and had almost 8 hours of slumber.

Had a full day in the lab today, doing ammonium sulphate fractionation, repeated 9 times from 0% to 80%. Couldn't help out PlanetUni booth at Union House. How on earth did I have time to pass the food to Cheryl?

Quotes from Day 36-42.

36. Handle. offence. correctly.
37. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
38. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works.
39. "You spoke so clearly to me."
40. Are you trying to please people, or God?
41. You never know what will happen during that routine, regular thing that you do.
42. The righteousness of grace exceeds the righteousness of the law.

Faith & Favour

Quotes from Day 29-35.

29. But the word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in those who heard it.
30. It's "the blessed life", not "the blessed chequebook".
31. Nothing is too hard for [him]. I know my God is able, I know his love never fails.
32. God can't accept an offering that's not firstborn or firstfruits.
33. What's the root of all evil: money or the love of it?
34. Don't apologise for God's favour upon your life.
35. Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.

Also, can I just share something about God's blessings in life? You see, I was giving my whole tithe (maybe bringing my tithe is a more accurate word) until April last year. I decided to sponsor a child long-term, but took money out of my tithe to do that. One of my relatives told me that that was Scripturally a wrong act. Even The Blessed Life teaches that if we don't bring back to God what's His in the first place, all our finances are cursed. So I made a decision by faith to give my full tithe, and maintain my other offerings for as long as possible. I guess you're waiting to hear God's blessings now? Well, without trying to be materialistic but still giving a balanced picture of what I've been receiving over the past 2 weeks, here it is:

3.25 a friend treated me McFlurry
3.30 a different person treated me mocha
3.50 another friend treated me 3-layer tea
9.00 yet another friend treated me a meal (pork :)
60.00 a friend gave me his (free) ticket to a 3-course meal

I just realised that it's in increasing order, haha! And I believe that it's not over yet. God is willing to rain down His favour upon us, as long as we're willing to pass it on to the next person who really needs it much more than us. And can I say that it's much more about the heart than anything else? We don't give to get. We give to give.

As written in Psalm 145, verse 15 - The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season.

Thank You, King.

Picture credit: *maxwindy (Deviant Art)

Gifts=they're given by someone

On spiritual gifts

Lately I've been pondering a lot about the spiritual gifts that I have. I've thought about serving and giving. Maybe teaching too. These things turn me on, like drinking Redbull but without needing to buy and drink anything. But I tend to ask: what counts as a spiritual gift, really?

It depends on what you're talking about. In Romans 12, seven gifts are mentioned. These are often called the 7 motivational gifts because it identifies what most motivates the one with the gift. They are:

• Prophecy (perceiving)
  
• Ministry (serving)
• Teaching
• Exhortation (encouraging)
  
• Giving
• Leading (administration/ruling)
• Mercy

For example, let's say I'm currently committing $40 a month to a child in Uganda. I might do it out of mercy because that child couldn't otherwise afford food, shelter, clothing & education. Or I might do it to lead people of industrialised countries to act out in social justice. Or I could commit mainly to give. Or as an encouragement to that child that a future full of hope is coming. Or to teach on scriptural truths, e.g. helping the poor. Or to serve real human needs in a practical way. Or to prophesy God's desire for every child to be empowered.

Can you see it? It answers the question, why are you doing this? What's your motive? There could be a few answers, but usually only one touches most deeply among them all. Yours could be different from mine. For myself, I love to serve and give. And teach. Actually, even when I'm teaching, I teach to serve. I don't teach to get paid, gain respect, show my knowledge, etc (although it comes as a by-product). I don't really teach to prophesy, to encourage, to lead, or to show mercy. This might sound ridiculous, but maybe I don't even teach to teach. I've discovered that my main motive is to serve and to give.

The fact that I'd bother writing all this down, studying what counts as spiritual gifts and laying them out systematically, shows the part of me that functions in the motivational gift of teaching. But on my motivations list, it's still a bit lower down compared to serving and giving.

I've still got more layers to peel as I study myself, identifying the unique attributes God has fashioned in me, in order to put myself appropriately in the Body of Christ, carrying out my specific life assignment.

Like Andy Stanley said, the goal is this: Only do what only you can do.


Reference: Morris, R. The Blessed Life, 2002, p. 132.

More reflections

Copy & paste + a bit more

First, thanks a lot to Adoe for her encouragement!

Quotes from Day 22-28.

22. If you 'make it' in your own natural strength, then this is definitely not 'it' yet. He's got more, but you'll need Him.
23. I live only on how much I need, the rest is seed.
24. Do you believe what you read, or read what you believe?
25. He knows your needs, but doesn't respond to them; He responds to your faith.
26. When you fall into various trials, count it all joy.
27. You give them something to eat. [There was to be no lack, even as there is no lack in heaven.]
28. They will act as if they are religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.

Picture credit: Guzer.com

Diligence is the way

Don't stop doing what is right

The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.

Proverbs 13:4

Last night, before sleeping, I planned to try out my Early Bird Epping journey today.

Let me tell you how this morning went (after 3.75 hours of sleep):

5.50am - woken up my 5th alarm snooze (first was 5.30am)
5.54am - snooze again
5.58am - yet another snooze
6.02am - I couldn't explain why, but I really felt like jumping out of bed - and I did!

6.18am - reached Melb Central station, platform 2 (got both my Early Bird and 2hr zone 1+2 tickets)
6.21am - on board train to Epping; surprised to meet Melvin the Intern
7.00am - reached Epping station (yay, free ride!)

Met other interns too: Jess, Vincent, Jason, etc. Followed them for the surgical ward round. One patient's temperature was reportedly 39°C. Another asked for an Arabic interpreter.

Then went to theatre where a colon resection was (halfway) being done. Scrubbed in for the next one which was a total thyroidectomy. Can't express my thanks enough to Dr Chek and Mr Gya.

That battle against my lazy side which only idles around is won. And I cherish it.

Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.

James 4:17

If I already know that God wants me to serve as a doctor, then why am I not preparing myself as best as I could? If I were to stay in my present house and commute 1 hour (one-way) everyday, then why not try it out now? See whether it's realistically possible. And not just empty talk. My other objective which is to revise all lectures from Semester 1-5 shall be executed. To the full.

Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.

Proverbs 22:29

Yes. You and I are standing not just before 'kings' (as labelled by society), but before The King of Kings! How awesome is that?!

Earlier this year, this King spoke to me, saying: The balance is 50-50. But what was my question? I was asking where I should draw the line, e.g. when does serving become too much serving, studying becomes too much studying, enjoying becomes too much enjoying, etc.

My balance now is, sadly, 50-0. 50% resting, and the rest is gone. And I know that by increasing my diligence by working a bit harder, I will attain better balance in life, and therefore produce more fruit that lasts.

Slothness stops a lot

Why be lazy?

A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things.

Prov 18:9

Lazy people take food in their hand but don't even lift it to their mouth.

Prov 19:24

Those too lazy to plow in the right season will have no food at the harvest.

Prov 20:4

I actually had a lot of unfinished business as the semester ended. And some planned winter activities. A few were done; a lot weren't.

Some are even listed in my little black spiral notepad:

• viruses (big mech) + DDx
• cancer (big mech)
• MCQ's (microbio)
• read synopses

Week 2 to 12 of Semester 1 (PBS+HP1) is also on my list. As is Andrew Kaye's Essential Neurosurgery for my Brain Cancer essay. At the rate I'm going, none of this is happening. I started enthusiastically with about 4 lectures per day, two weeks ago, and managed to do 13 (next on the list is PBS 2.6).

I wanted to practise a few songs as well {Setia Kepada-Mu, Satu Suara, Drops of Jupiter}, and so far managed to do 1 hour in South Lawn. More sessions are coming.

No reason to be overcome by laziness.

Picture credit: Biblicism (Title: Don't Just Sit There!)

Thank You (10)

Expression of gratitude

God, thank You for my 5th semester result
No way could I have achieved this without Your guidance

I look first to You
Not to others
Not to myself
Because You're the source of my identity
You define me
I'm Your image

It was a difficult exam
And I sense H2A and H2B are above average
Or somewhere close
But even if not
Still I come with a very grateful heart

I give thanks
For each of the 80 lectopias
That I attentively absorbed
For all the past paper practices
For the group study sessions
And for the exam itself

I admit
I don't understand how
I could miss First Class Honours
But I've firmly resolved
To follow You only
Your voice that
Says

"This is the way, walk in it"

Update: For Sem5 '10, the H2A is 6 marks above average, while the H2B is 3 marks below. My score is +3.75 from the cohort weighted average.

Assorted (9)

This is one day late.

Melbourne

A

Haha, how ironic! I didn't have time to write a post yesterday (in the middle of winter break). Did some shopping in the morning, then went to settle some AMS paperwork and read a few pages of The 5 Love Languages (Singles Edition). After that, entertained a friend who came over to play Wii. At night, had steamboat for dinner (Tom Yam soup). My neck stiffness was pretty bad, I had to support my neck with my hand whenever I'm bending it.

B

Anyway, here's a short sharing on the most joy I had when giving:

• when I gave the Acer laptop and Nokia E65 to Mum earlier this year.
• when I gave one hundred dollars to Bro Freddy & Suzie as their marriage gift.
  
• when I gave books and presents to my cousins in KK.

C

Quotes from Day 15-21.

15. Everyone who gets tired sleeps.
We get tired.
∴We sleep.
16. Daniel was 10 times wiser than his peers and distinguished himself...
John the Baptist, the greatest prophet, was greater than Daniel.
The least in the Kingdom of God is greater than John.
If you are in the Kingdom of God, then why aren't you distinguishing yourself?
17. One of us is in trouble.
18. Take your mask off.
19. The pipeline to grace is faith. Are you supplied?
20. Grace. God’s empowerment that gives us the ability to go beyond our natural ability.
21. Why do it in your own strength?

Natural vs Supernatural (8)

The Holy Spirit's got me pumping

α

We have doctors to treat diarrhoea, injuries, some infections, headaches, acute pain, the common cold (maybe), cough and the like. And to keep doing the regular things in managing patients and preventing illnesses. Also, of course, fill in forms and write documentation.

But we have Christian doctors to heal the sick from HIV & AIDS, all kinds of cancer, chronic diseases (diabetes, dyslipidaemia, hypertension, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, chronic pain), leprosy, blindness, muteness, deafness, paralysis and all other such 'impossible' things. And to keep advancing medicine with breakthrough discoveries in biomedicine and healthcare. While they're at it, they better start documenting these extraordinary, supernatural stuff that's happening all around!

Ooh, I'm pumped for the Medical Elective in Hillsong 2010!

β

Quotes from Day 8-14.

8. Children don't believe in limits.
9. Cross over to FAVOUR [your God-given destiny]. But how?
10. 1>It's time to LEAD. Remember, leadership is a choice, not a position.
11. 2>Be strong and courageous.
12. 3>Obey everything you've been commanded.
13. 4>Focus.
14. We gotta be steadfast. Live by faith, not by sight.

Scripture reference:

Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them.
Be strong and very courageous.
Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you.
Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left.
Jos 1:6-7 NLT

52 days (7)

Favour

On the final night of PS2010 Conference, 'The Bishop' TD Jakes challenged us to meditate on Luke 2:52, "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men." For the next fifty-two days. What I did each midnight was put up a quote that deeply struck me on my Facebook status. Here are some of them:

1. Now don't fall short.
2. He's my provider. Whether it's $5.20 or $52 or $252 or all my savings, He's my provider.
3. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.
4. He won't lead you to hardship that He hasn't given you the grace to go through with.
5. Can you think of yourself scoring straight H1's? Winning national scholarships? Being awarded the Nobel Prize? Sorry, but He's able to (help you) do infinitely more than that.
6. We’re thinking trees; God’s thinking seeds.
7. Sometimes God will withhold greatness to see if you're serious.

Scripture references:
"God will provide a sheep for the burnt offering, my son," Abraham answered...Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means "the Lord will provide").
Gen 22:8, 13 NLT

"Blessed are those who believe without seeing me."
John 20:29 NLT

And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
1 Cor 10:13 NLT

Now to Him Who, by the action of His power that is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think.

Eph 3:20 AMP

"You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else."
Mark 10:42-44 NLT

Extras
Me serving in the Guest Services Ministry (my favourite rotation - carpark).
Thanks to Ibrahim for the Hudson's latte. I call that favour!
The start of week 14, Sem 5 '10.

15 Sets and 3 Reps (6)

1st midsem test.

What's the keyword for this semester? Repetition. If you look my post on the pre-clinical H1 hypothesis written last year, that was my study plan. Meaning, before the mid-sem test, I would have studied the lecture notes 3 times (actual lecture, revision lectopia, and pre-test lectopia). The fourth time would be around swot vac time, just before the finals.

But perhaps I was too ambitious with this plan - I could finish only 1 or 2 pre-test lectopias (3rd dose) while in Brisbane (and during the flight). At least revision lectopia were done (the 2nd dose).

Outside Cyber City on a Saturday midnight

I sure was there (Wellington Point)

Gunfight with my 12-year old cousin

Indan's grand-boys (Missing: Rokian)

15 sets = 15 lectures to cover (5 per week x 3 weeks). There were also 15 questions on the exam. And for the first time, I scored 100% on a test in med school. God always helps you, regardless of whether you're in Melbourne, Brisbane, or anywhere in the world.

Sitting for an exam the first thing on a Monday morning, right after a whirlwind trip to a cousin's wedding in Brisbane (flew out on Saturday morning, flew in the next evening) - that's one heck of a dramatic trip.

Rationalise? (5)

Whose life message?

Many times I'm tempted to rationalise my situation. My blessed situation, mind you, not just any situation. It's like apologising to people for the favour God has on my life. Which, as Pastor Russell preached, is something we should not do.

Illustration: Imagine Lothar the swordsman, always winning swordsmanship competitions. Demonstrations, slashing shows, or duels - you name it, he has won it. He competes against the best in his class, where the warriors could wield two swords and swing them faster than an average warrior could swing one. The yearly competition attracts the attention of many fighters from distant kingdoms, and the one who wins is highly respected. Lothar, of course, trains very diligently with the blade. His master constantly pushes him to his limit, and his inner circle of friends are all excellent swordsmen themselves.

Now substitute swordsman for your modern-day career, and swordsmanship for the specialised thing that you do. E.g. medicine - learning to treat/cure the human body. Or engineering - building structures for human activity. Or mathematics - solving unsolved conjectures. Or others. For me, I can't deny how much Holy Spirit is involved in my routine, daily tasks as I learn medicine. I wrote "Tuhan, tulung" in my DMF 7.3 lecture notes, where we were learning very specific mechanisms used by viruses to evade host immune systems, e.g. the Nef, Vpu and Tat protein of HIV which reduce MHC Class I expression on the membrane of infected T cells.

Someone might point out, hey, since you study so much anyway, don't you think it's inevitable that you'd score well? The world would say that the way to excellence is hard work. High intelligence would be a bonus. Anything else is due to luck. That may be some people's life message, but not mine.

I don't buy that. So many people work their backsides off without any real significant gains. A high intelligence just means that your benchmark is set higher. You have only yourself to compare against. More is demanded out of you - that's my take.

The essential ingredient, regardless, is God. He blesses all that I set my hands to. My effort bears more fruit because of His blessing. I become more disciplined because He gives me strength. Any deficiencies in my intellect will be filled by Him. In fact, He's so much more than just an ingredient. He's actually the Master Chef.

A Walk with Him (4)

Another one on perspectives.

You can think of life either as self-centred or Jesus-centred. Either you yourself dominate all your actions and reactions, or He guides all the processes when you make decisions. Either life throws every ugly incident at you alone, or you're facing it with Him faithfully by your side.

I'm mentioning extremes here, and there might be some middle ground of overlap, but I'm not concerned about that because this is not a rigorous academic paper; I'm just writing my heart out. You see, I'm going through a financially difficult time right now, and I'm making the effort to really save up while spending as little as possible. I went over my phone cap and was charged $112 instead of the normal $29 a couple of months ago. Last month it was around $55. I've got a winter trip where I'm allocating $500, but I only have around $400 now (excluding rent money). I'm actually still waiting for $240 to be deposited into my account (one, I was mistakenly overcharged, and two, I paid on my friends' behalf some time ago).

So for the last few weeks, I've been surviving on $18, $15, and $13 on food for the week (I didn't realise this until I checked my diary). Now, I can either see it as

• me suffering here in Melbourne, to the point that I need to severely restrict my spending

or

• that God has given me financial challenges to manage in order to learn deeper truths about Him. The fact that I managed to spend so little means that He has helped me with discipline, and has provided free food (Medieval party)/offers/discounts/specials.
  

I guess you know my choice. Just now in Safeway, I was actually thanking God for the specials (e.g. Weet Bix) this week. Just when I run out of Weet Bix, it's now about $1.20 cheaper than normal price. It may not be much, but since I always buy it when it's on offer, and considering my disposable income with which I'm working, then it becomes quite significant. It's turned from a solo $-saving journey into a walk with God.

p/s: I'm reading Robert Morris' The Blessed Life right now, and truly, there's so much to be thankful to our Creator for. There's a lot of trouble on the way, but it's a test to see how faithful we are to God. An opportunity for our faith to grow. For us to depend more and more on Him. To be joyful (and not just 'pressurised' or even 'accomplished') in giving. We give to give, not to get.

Look to who? (3)

Continuation

I won't defend myself
I'll look unto Jesus and let Him sort things out for me
His thoughts are higher
His ways are higher than ours
So I won't doubt His words: I have overcome the world

What is there for me to fear?
No job?
No scholarships/bursaries?
God is my provider
People may look down on me for being God-dependent
(like a substance)...

But I'm not ashamed of Him
Coz I don't want Him to be ashamed of me
And why should I be ashamed of The One
Who lived the greatest life
And died the greatest death on earth, ever?

God, I look to You despite my disappointments (no H1 in Sem1, H2A HP2, no H1 in Sem4). You are faithful even when I am not. It's by Your righteousness that I excel in academics, because my encounters with You change me from the inside out, forming the man I now am.

Best part is, it's not over yet. So Lord, do the supernatural again!

I openly receive Your favour upon me. Amen!

Picture credit: miggzs (DeviantArt)

Confession (2)

Written on Fri, 28 May 2010
(while revising week 3)

Father, my transcript is no longer my own
I let go of my claim/possession, and lay it at Your feet
My utmost is for Your highest
All this intense, dedicated, hard study is for the glory of Your name, Jesus

As I flashback
I remember asking for Your help when I did my Primary 1 final exam:
'God, help me get the best results'
...maybe I even asked for #1...
And truly, You gave it to me
You answered my prayer by giving to me
What I could never get on my own

It was Your grace that I experienced, Father
Your empowerment - divine
That gives me the ability to go beyond my natural ability
And I don't want it to end
I discovered that the more
I rise, the more I need You

Perhaps my consistent above-average final mark since Sem2 (MBBS)
Doesn't really say much about my ability

To the outsiders who casually look, yes,
Maybe that's their first impression
But upon closer observation, they'll discover
How much my strategy (its effectiveness)
Actually depends on God

Coz I don't just study 8 hours a day blindly
Neither do I just revise at the last minute,
Proving 'genius'/super memoriser status

I've mentioned before: What I cannot accomplish
by intelligence/IQ alone, I'll make up with extra effort/hard work
But that's not the whole story
It actually goes like this:

My deficiency in IQ/intelligence will be topped up by God's Holy Spirit
'He gives wisdom to the wise,
And knowledge to those who have understanding'
Daniel and his 3 colleagues were 10X wiser than the other 'wise men' of their day - why?
Because God gave them the empowerment
Similarly God gives me His empowerment
My lack of discipline/motivation/passion to 'sweat it out'/hit the books/memorise/study is overcome, likewise by God's strength
'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'

Now what if I don't get a good score despite all this? (e.g. below/average mark, missing my target, not meeting requirements)

To be continued.

Overview (1)

Extract.

Right. It's the time of the year again when I write one post per day, reflecting on the semester that's just passed. So how was this semester?

In general, it's been a great experience. I'll take 2 perspectives: the course structure itself, and my personal involvement in it. The course is very cleverly designed to review all body systems that we've learned since Semester 1 (or maybe 2). The 1st PBL case was gastroenteritis, which was kind of an NDM review, but looking from Salmonella Typhimurium's point of view. Second (E. coli UTI, candidiasis) was a urinary tract/female genital tract review. Third (MRSA septic shock) was a circulatory system review while fourth (Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia) and fifth (atopy) were respiratory system reviews, all done earlier in Sem 3. Sixth (pneumococcal meningitis) was a nervous system review (Sem 4). Yeah, you get the vibe. But that wasn't all; the 3-hour weekly prac classes added so many more pathogens, pathogenetic mechanisms, and disease states to our knowledge base. It's a bit more of a spoon-feeding method compared to copying notes from computer prac classes, I must admit, but I was really happy with the didactic method of knowledge transfer. I really salute Sandra, Helen and the other tutors for being willing to put up with 5 sessions of the same practical class every week, for 10 consecutive weeks.

The course required 15 contact hours on average per week. Almost every other non-med student wouldn't believe that. But that's the essence of the "self-directed learning" philosophy behind Melbourne Uni's PBL-driven, systems-based, integrated medical curriculum (not sure how the newer Melbourne Model will be like). Our tutor did mention that a fully PBL-based course would have even fewer contact hours, no lectures, and total independence for students. In theory, I could be spending 100% of my free time studying and revising all we learned in class, including self-study for things not taught by our lecturers. But of course I didn't do that. My revising time probably varied from 10-20 hours per week, mainly involving listening to lectopia. Rooftop Lemur also broke up, giving me even more uncommitted time. So what else did I do?

• There was Urban Life and Guest Services which were (still are) routine. Served in 14 Sunday services.
  
• Lots of social (steamboat, potluck, house warming, CMDFA BBQ, Docklands, play kitchen).
• Also hospital/clinical school open days to help us choose which one to go to (lots of travel....to RMH, Western, Northern, St V).
• Brisbane trip--yay :)
  
• Went to my first Surgical Careers Night in Austin.
• UMMSS careers night.
  
• Attended friends' graduation ceremonies (always makes me anticipate mine!)
• A meeting with my sponsor.
• VSAP Charity Talent Show--the acrobatics were incredible!
  
• Cupcakes/'Share the Love' project. Tomo and Rie were unforgettable.
  
• Picnic at St Kilda beach.
• Dance audition (bet you've never heard of this).
• Wrote an application for a research bursary.
• 2 Carers Discipleship nights, 2 Combined Discipleship nights, 1 corporate prayer meet.
• Proofread 2 essays for a friend.

Ahhh, it actually feels good to extract this out from my week-view diary into 1 post. Makes me realise just how many occasions have happened in the past 4.5 months. Well, there's still more to come!

The Shield of Faith

...at the risk of living in denial...

We're called to walk by faith, not by sight. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen; it is impossible to please God without it.

If you already know that you're called to study in university, then you need not worry, year after year, whether it is the correct decision or not. If you already know that you're destined for excellence, then why doubt?

The purpose of a testimony is to bear witness to the one being testified. In the case of testifying of God, it is to declare His works and character. He has specifically fulfilled the end-of-secondary-school-exam-result that He promised to me. And He repeated it again in the 2nd and 3rd semester of my medical course. For one thing, I found that God fulfills His word. He also never changes. Therefore, He will always fulfill His word.

But maybe not in our timing, and not the way that we understand it. Why didn't R get healed when I prayed for him? I don't know. What I do know is, I'm meant to walk by faith, bringing heaven's kingdom to earth, declaring that just as there is no sickness in heaven, so there shall be no sickness here on earth. So what if He hasn't fulfilled His promise of letting me be in charge of 5-digit money figures? He's still my provider. There is no lack and no poverty in heaven, so there shall not be any on earth either.

On another note, once a situation turns around because of a miracle, progress shouldn't stop. I mean, there is no such thing as best testimony ever. It doesn't make sense, because God is a God of progress, of increase. The best is yet to come! Unless you don't believe it. That's why the condition of our faith is so central to what happens in our real world. If you keep looking unto Him, you'll see that His thoughts and ways are much higher than ours, and we better elevate to His level. Because Holy Spirit is in us, we are granted grace, as long as we have faith. That, is God's empowerment that gives us the ability to live beyond our natural ability.

Indeed, I might risk living in denial by living this way, but I wouldn't risk missing out on God's promises.


Picture credit: ZivCG

"That kind of life"

Remembering the past

He could hear the sound of his feet pacing, with deep breaths interrupting every few intervals. He was running around the city park, an exercise that he had longed to do. Work as a barber-surgeon apprentice consumes a lot of his time. In fact, he had declined an invitation to a gathering of physicians earlier on that day so that he could stay (longer) in bed, without being pushed by the pressure of a scheduled meeting.

For Jack, running is a time when not only his physical body does work, but his mind also. Memories of his past start playing back in his mind...

He is the only son of a gentleman and a lady who are wealthy citizens. Well, they were not always wealthy, but they had worked hard up their way. And deep inside, Jack feels the security provided by a stable financial supply. The mansion he lived in was not only huge, but also grand. Almost every guest had a good word to say upon entering his house. In his childhood, he doesn't remember a day when there wasn't a servant to carry out his parents' wishes. Balls and celebrations were also very commonplace, with food being bought from the city caterers. Not everyone could afford those, he thought.

But he considered himself never to be a vain man. He seldom dined in the marketplace, simply because it entails spending coins and notes. He also seldom purchased fine clothes for himself. He saved a lot that way.

Yet he had almost no trouble when it comes to giving his possessions away. Of all the prize monies that he won during contests of knowledge and memorisation, a tenth would go first to the temple. So how did that begin? Like this: Back in his younger days, whenever he ran out of coins to spend, he would simply ask his father for more. Or set out to help him out and get a wage in return. His father was very generous, and there was no problem with this method. But Jack realised how he could go overboard, abuse the agreement and keep asking for more supply of money without being responsible in his spending. He thought, when my father runs out of money, who does he ask from? So they made a new agreement where Jack gets 10 coins each week. If he runs out, he has to wait until the next week. If he has extra, then he is free to do whatever he wanted with them. That way it was much easier for Jack to plan giving the first tenth of his given coins.

He thought briefly about those important years in shaping the man he would eventually become. Now as an apprentice who earns about 15,000 coins in a year (a moderate income, but much more compared to the 500-something he had during his childhood), he still prioritises giving, and living below his means. Good stewardship, it was preached. He lives contently with what he has, not comparing with jealousy and covetousness with what he has not. Another thought formed in his mind: it is actually possible that I live life at the brink of my means, spending all I've got - or even live beyond it and simply request more from Father and Mother when I run out - but I have chosen to put these wild desires under control, and my decision is not to live that kind of life.

Auto-letter

To self, from self.

Creski!

Finally...

A time to write without restrictions! Feels so good that the last Defence Mechanism (& their Failure) mid-semester test was over.

Here's what I wrote at the back of my notes during the cancer lecture today:

How humbling

Even after completing my 3rd lectopia round (4 weeks in 4 days++), it doesn't mean that I know everything about viral infections. It doesn't even mean that I'll score very high on tests (although it does get increasingly likely - a thought inspired by Roy Robbins-Browne). Take today's test for example: I know what the question is asking, and I understand the MCQ answer options, but I don't know for sure which is the correct one.

And you know what did I do to end it off? Have KFC with the other meddies, using discount coupons. I paid 7.50 and got 3 pieces of chicken, drinks, fries and mashed potato. Lol. Reminds me of the time last year when I told my sister that I can't wait to eat KFC. I'm not really a big fan of it - in fact I rarely eat it - and that's why it becomes special. It depends on what you've done lately. If I have it for dinner every Monday, then it's gonna bore me, for sure.

You know what, I feel like writing a story (continuing what I've started). If not now, then sometime soon. Because a lot of things have happened since I last wrote. Like me helping B, C's play kitchen, The Blessed Life Seminar. And if I don't write while this idea is hovering within my head, it'll go away and I would miss the opportunity to fully express and experience the idea. Why, do you think it's strange to experience ideas by writing them out?

Picture credit: upload.ozbargain.com

To impress or express?

With thanks to John (PJ).

I guess every now and then we need an unloading of the mental mass that we're carrying in our minds - both the pleasant and not-so-pleasant.

If there's any phrase that really struck me today, then it's "Dance is not to impress; it's to express". Wow! That's one thing I've longed to hear for ages! Just this time last year, I was contemplating my constant desire to show-off. Not just the usual show-off after getting H1's all the way in all mid-sems and assignments, but the greater realm of showing off to anyone and almost everyone.

• Like showing off a really big bargain I had.
• Or a really cool incident that happened (including re-enacting the scene, dialogue and emotions).
• Or simply showing off how much I know that people like showing off anyway.
• Wait up, the worst is to come.

The worst? Showing off a girl. My girl. But I never had one, did I? What does this mean?!

Meaning my desire was off-track. I wanted her just so I could show her off. Dr House said that it's like having a nice piece of decoration in the lobby. A pretty girl is really something - er, someone - to show off. Especially if she's got a nice figure too. And captivating eyes that every other guy will want to look at. I thought of her as an Anime character who happens to be in the real world, almost too good to be true. I imagined if she was mine...

*Time for thinking*

Was I driven only by a desire to impress, without anything meaningful to express? People talk a lot about wearing a mask that hides our true self, and I think I have at least 5 of such masks worn on top of each other. Sometimes it's down to 1 (or 0 when I'm really vulnerable), but most other times I have more worn outside. Wearing those masks results in 2 things. 1: People will think you're who you act/present as (e.g. people will think you're a clown if you wear a clown face mask). 2: You will tend to live according to 1. And that takes a lot of energy especially when it's a superficial, faked, dramatised mask that's designed only to impress. *Sigh*

John Bevere talked about our perceived image (how we view ourselves), projected image (how we want others to view us) and actual image (how our Creator sees us). A disconnect between these 3 images of a person will result in frustration and failure in life. "Failure" as in not making the mark which we're meant to reach. And it's not hard to realise that pride is the prime factor that gets in the way of us unmasking ourselves to reveal who's actually in there. What's a bit harder to realise is the pride that's already in us. My pride will say, "Of course I'm not proud. What are you talking about? It must be some other people." Ahah, gotcha!

Ooh, you know what else am I noticing in me now? Little pride-lings, potentially turning into a big ugly bug infecting me:

• my discipline in getting up before 9am today (a Saturday)
• my charitability in giving the whole day to make and give cupcakes to the public
  
• my ability to produce a song on-the-go
• my talent in playing guitar and singing along
• my fitness to do a handstand
• my perseverance to jog around a park even though it's dark
• my skills in writing my thoughts out -.-
  

Geez, just look at how many times the word "my" appears. It's not really yours to start with, Cres, so why treat it like it is? And the purpose of all those is to build up the people around you, not for you to boast.

If I can reduce this entire piece into 1 line, it'll be this:

Just express yourself. If people are impressed, then that's a result of it. But that shouldn't be your main motive.

Family Tree Project

A collection of my posts on ChristianForums.com.

9th May 2005, 07:15 AM
Anyone ever tried to map out the entire Bible genealogy from Genesis to...to wherever it goes? So far, I've connected the family line in Matthew and Luke (assuming the ancestry line provided in Luke describes Mary's family).

Now, i have it written on pieces of lined A3 paper stuck together (the ones I take off unused note books).

It connects 700+ individuals...(and MANY with the same names...like Abimelech), and is 75 generations long from Adam to Jesus through Mary's line (about 62 through Joseph).

Some problems I've encountered:
1. Benjamin's children - They're different in Genesis, Numbers, and Chronicles. My way of mapping this is by providing different trees according to the sources Also happens with other persons's descendants, but I think I can get over it.

2. Differing Spellings - Well, I guess they're common even today, right? Generally, I take the ones listed in the book of Chronicles.

3. Who's who? - Even with not-so-often-recurring names like Asaph the musician. How many "Asaph"s were there? Only one I presume, the one serving during King David's time.

4. Disconnected lines - Can't get this connected to the main line based solely on the Bible, I think. Like the descendants of Seir (in Genesis/Chronicles), Saul, etc. It's just like a waste seeing their *quite elaborate* family not being a branch of the main tree.

Which brings me to the rock-bottom question: Why venture on this task in the first place?

Well, I've always been fascinated by the comprehensive lists the Bible has...so I wonder what it would be if it's translated into graphical information. Interesting. And potentially an aid for teaching others, too...

13th May 2005, 03:18 PM
What began as a childhood interest (11-year olds and their--"creative" stuff) continued for some years as I began to do it more comprehensively. But I do realize human limitations, errors, linguistic challenges...etc.

30th May 2005, 06:07 AM
This genealogical record took me the time from Dec 03 until mid 04 (I took a lot of breaks while undertaking this task...finally finishing the list without realising it) As I look at it now, I still need to add references and alternate list based on different texts of the Bible (eg: Septuagint records Cainan, a descendant of Shem, but the Hebrew does not.)


*Deep breath* It's like fresh air filling me to total lung capacity. Oh, how pumped I am to set to work like that again -- the burning passion of curiosity!